Well yeah, I figured the maypole should take care of a lot of problems
But seriously, when I’ve visited Europe I always ate well and lost weight because of all the walking we did on our tours.
I wonder if you have things like “Lean Cuisine” frozen entrees available over there. That could be one component of the plan…you’d know exactly how many calories etc. were included. I mean, you can reduce the caloric totals two ways—eat lower cal food or eat smaller portions of regular food.
Maybe you could continue buying veggies—but small quantities till you find some that they like. Carrot sticks, celery, cucumber slices, etc. I like jicama but I don’t know if you can get it over there or not. Do you incorporate salads? Watch out for the dressing b/c that stuff can have lots of fat. But if you prepare the salads ahead, you can put the dressing on in moderation.
I wonder, too, how you serve meals. Do you put food out “buffet style” where each person takes from community plates? You might help your son with portion control by pre-making the sandwiches instead of letting him heap the high cal stuff on. Butter AND fatty meats on a sandwich? I’d rethink that recipe a bit (sounds tasty though!).
And punished herself to get there, no less.
One good trick would be to switch behaviors. When he gets angry, instead of eating, he could go for a walk or kick the soccer ball around etc.
It’s a process that takes time but the best things in life aren’t easily accomplished. Props for recognizing a problem and taking steps!
The overwrought reactions I’ve received from teachers, classmates and ancestors when I did something they weren’t expecting me to do were negative reinforcement. My family’s reaction to my first sentence in Catalan (my mother’s language, and one very similar to my own Spanish) was so over the top that I just couldn’t bring myself to try and trot out a second one, I needed to sign up for adult education classes. If I hadn’t happened to be in Catalonia at the time, I still wouldn’t speak Catalan.
And if every lost pound becomes a celebration, you run the risk of pushing things too far to the other side. Plus, there’s the often-mentioned-in-these-boards detail of “less weight” not being necessarily the same as “less fat” or “better health,” even for people who aren’t anorexic.
Does he do any work around the house? He’s old enough to dust, or do some mopping, and that’s more exercise than some people do all day.
“Celebrate every pound” is how we did it in weight watchers. Again, how successful it is will vary from person to person. By “celebrate” I didn’t mean to hold a parade…just to acknowledge progress toward the ultimate goal. It’s a nod toward “Aren’t we there yet?” that says, 'Not yet, but we’re a lot closer." It’s a long haul, and to kids, everything takes FOREVER so there needs to be encouragement along the way IMO.
And it’s true that the number of pounds isn’t necessarily the be-all-end-all of measuring health. The OP could also note that the kid has dropped a pants size or is now walking for an hour without being out of breath etc. But pounds are easy to measure and correlate somewhat to the overall goal; they’d seem to work for kid-speak.
Whether you decide to take the celebrate route or not, I would not celebrate literally every pound. You can gain and lose several pounds in the course of a day.
Well, if salami and sausage are “staples” in your house and this is what the kid eats for dinner every night, it’s no surprise that he’s fat. Just stop buying this crap and serving it to him!
One thing to remember- with kids it is often not about losing weight, but slowing down gain so that growth can catch up to current weight- it often really is that old joke- “I’m not overweight, I’m undertall”.
FWIW, in WW we had meetings once a week. Every time, we weighed in. The actual weight was between the client and the organizer, but we went around the circle and found out who lost a couple pounds and who maintained and who maybe slipped a little bit (and if you slipped, others always lent encouragement).
I wasn’t so much into the “glory” of saying I lost three pounds that week; for me, having a “deadline” was what kept me on the straight and narrow.
They also passed out colored paper clips; some of the clients liked to make them into necklaces; it allowed them to “wear” their accomplishment.
I don’t know what works for kids in general or this kid in particular; I’m just saying that for some, it works and is something to consider. I would expect that if mom said, “Hey, you lost three pounds!” and the kid’s face lit up, she’d pursue that tack. If it embarrassed him, she’d discontinue and try something else.
Someone upthread posted that rewards should be non-food. I think weight loss or getting in better shape or developing better eating and exercise habits is the reward…I’m not sure how you could handle tangible rewards without implying something I can’t quite crystallize in my brain at the moment. I just think it would send a wrong message, somehow. Anyway, if kids stop teasing him, that’s bigger than any reward you could give.
But along these lines you have to also be very careful about consistency. E.g. I know I weigh about three pounds less in the morning. Hell, I have shoes that weigh three pounds and others that weigh one. Besides, if the kid gets into exercise, transforming fat into muscle is better than just losing weight—so if his clothes fit better, it’s an opportunity to encourage.
If the OP decides that pounds are the “weigh” to go (bad pun, I know), then you also need a decent digital scale. WW has a model that’s only about $20US, or at least it was when I bought it 2 years ago. Those old cheesy analog bathroom models just won’t cut it here. I’ve even found that different places on the floor will give slightly different readings with digital scales.
Waiting at least a week between weighings helps eliminate error sources. But if the kid drinks a quart of water before stepping on the scale, he’s just added about 2 lbs, you know? I always arose in the morning, took a leak, stripped for my shower, and weighed myself. I figured that was as consistent as I could be.
I so hear you on that – my husband’s parents did that with him when he was young. The rest of the family got butter; he got margarine. The rest of the family could choose how much to put on their bread; he got two ultra-thin salami slices. His mother was constantly on his case about the food he ate, and the only lasting result is that he takes great pleasure in putting as many overlapping thick slices of salami on his bread as he damned well pleases. Thumbs-up, in-laws! :rolleyes:
Of course it was well-meant, as I hope your own parents meant well, but that message of ‘You’re not good enough if your weight is too high’ is exactly what I want to avoid indoctrinating into his developing mind. Don’t we all have enough insecurities as adults without needing to install the obvious ones in the next generation?
I’ve made the attempt, but he hasn’t shown much interest thus far. One thing I would like to look into is a parent/child cooking course, or one just for kids. He’s wild for sushi, for example.
Our yard is smaller than many postage stamps and harder than most concrete, so the closest to growing our own stuff we can get is to pick strawberries in May at the pick-your-own fields. Mmmm, strawberries!
Don’t I just wish! There are frozen dinners, but not too much variety and they’re almost universally loaded with sodium and bad fats. It’s gotten better over the years, but it’s still not in the category of tempting.
I make a killer caesar salad that he’s been known to devour, and when he saw his best friend break down in tears because the lamb’s lettuce salad he had ordered went to his little brother by mistake, he got the notion that salads weren’t just decorative. Hmmm, the lamb’s lettuce is nice and seasonal right now! I generally make a vinaigrette when we have salad, and a very nice one indeed.
Yup, it took me a while to adjust to the idea of Abendbrot, but the idea behind it is that lunch is a hot meal and the main one of the day. Abendbrot involves fresh bread, spread with butter, and then with a variety of meats such as cooked or smoked hams (Parma ham is a particular favorite), salamis, or sausages, and a variety of soft and hard cheeses (we’re awfully close to France and Italy, not to forget!). You don’t top it off with another slice of bread, so it’s not really a sandwich, and you generally don’t eat vast quantities. We usually have a salad or fruit on the table as well, although I need to sharpen up my noodging skills to remind the kids to eat more produce.
Oh, no question. I don’t put in croutons, which does help, and it’s always paired with something light like sauteed or grilled chicken breast. I make the dressing myself, too.
You get in WW voluntarily, last I checked. Parents on your ass over your weight, your makeup, your desk or your clothes are a great way to ensure that you’ll end up hating or obsessed about your weight, your makeup, order or clothes.
Wow, I’m really surprised at how much flak my suggestion has taken and continues to take.
There are"invisible hand" sorts of things that the parents can do, like limiting what comes into the house or preparing foods ahead to portion control. But if that kid gorges himself on ice cream at a friend’s house, then what?
So I guess what you’re saying is that the parent should appear not to care one way or the other, and the kid will just lose the weight? How does that work? He might hit a growth spurt and that would help, but it still doesn’t correct poor eating and exercise habits. Inertia will keep pushing him in the same direction on those occasions when he is free to choose…play video games or go for a walk? I know which one most kids are likely to choose.
Isn’t it all in the execution? We have a parent here who is keenly aware of damage already done and has already stated concern about giving the kid a weird head. I don’t think for a minute that she’s going to go “drill sergeant” on him; on the contrary.
I’m sure some in here remember having weight problems as kids and what that entails, including overbearing parents. My experience is that my mom brought all manner of junk food into the house, wanted an eating buddy, all that. Later, when I felt the need to lose weight (around age 13) because my peers teased me, she panicked. I was proper fucked because she’s my parent so I have to obey her even if she’s batshit insane. She thought I was going to become anorexic, etc.—total horseshit, because the real payoff for her is “I prove my love by feeding you…if you don’t eat, you don’t love me and that’s unacceptable.” A mature response from her might have been, “If you feel that way, let’s get you to a doctor for some sensible eating and exercise suggestions.”
To this day, the first thing she wants to do the minute you walk in the door is feed you, never mind the million fucking arguments we’ve had for the last 30+ years on the topic. I finally told her once, “My doctor said I can’t have that.” She tried to force it on me anyway. “Do you know more than my doctor?” It was a very “gunfight at the OK Corral” moment. If we’re having a contest to see whose parent was wackier about food, I’m holding a pretty good hand here.
But if you disagree with my idea, then here’s my challenge to you: bring it on. Tell me what your parents should have done, what would have helped you. I really suspect that some are reacting from bad emotional memories of their personal history and to a degree, that’s fine. We don’t want to traumatize the kid further, so we need to recognize the danger of (sometimes) good intentions gone bad.
On the other hand when emotion runs high, we can lose the logic. OK, you’re an adult now: what should have happened back there?
E.g. some say no to “fat” camps. Sure, I can see where that could go bad, but I can also see that there’s no reason any of the other kids would automatically know where the OP’s kid went that summer—pick one that’s a couple hours away from home, for starters. And if this is what the camps do, and if they have some success, I’d bet they’re approaching it holistically—diet, exercise, opportunities for kids to share their feelings. I sure wouldn’t frame it as a punishment, but rather as an opportunity. “You’re hurt because kids tease you. I’m concerned about the health issue. Let’s work on that.”
When you brainstorm ideas (which is what I think we’re doing here), you’re supposed to free up your mind. Naysayers kill that because they shoot ideas down before weighing all the possibilities. People like me start censoring their ideas and stop opening their mouths. Next thing you know, there are no ideas to work with.
The OP knows her kid; we don’t. What might work for you might not for them and vice-versa.
I’m just going to pop in with some anecdotal experience that you can take or leave, as I am not a doctor, dietitian, or fitness expert, but I am a mom of three boys, ages 17, 14, and 6.
Leading by example: I began a fitness and weight loss regimen this past May. Shortly thereafter, my husband joined me, and then in time, we both began to notice the children drifting into the habits we were forming. For the past few weeks, I have observed my 14 year old son using my kitchen scales to weigh out his after school (baked) Cheetos or (baked) Potato chips. Another thing we noticed is that the children have abandoned their regular snacks in favor of the healthier ones we buy now. They drink water all the time, since we’ve limited the amount of soda and such that we keep in the house. Diet Root Beer and Diet Ginger Ale are their sodas of choice now. Not exactly health food, but certainly better than a Coke or a Mountain Dew.
Moving: We bought a Wii Fit. It will not put anyone in triathlon shape, or set them up for the next Mr. Universe competition, BUT it will get you moving in a very nonthreatening, fun way. My boys and I have had “competitions” to see who can get perfect moves on the 5 minute step routines, or we run in place with the wiimotes in our pocket to see how many of our Miis we can spot on the way. We have fun racking up the minutes to make our little fit credit banks turn bronze silver, or gold. We see who can get the bodybuilder score on the jackknife or the plank. There is a whole section of Yoga games just to build strength and balance, which I feel was a good way to get them started. Not everyone can throw down and do 10 push ups in the beginning, but you can do two minutes of holding your balance or torso twists.
There’s even a place to log outside fitness minutes for your little Mii. So when we walk to the store, to school, or to Grammy’s house, they can enter that info.
For grown ups, I highly reccomend SparkPeople.com, and they have a feature that lets your track nutrients and fitness for the whole family!
If you’d like to talk more, you’re welcome to message me!
If you can afford it, you might want to ask the doctor about measuring body fat percentage. You say your son has the kind of stocky build that makes the BMI hard to interpret. One reason the BMI is used so much is that it’s practically free, but other ways to measure healthy body composition are better. He may have some work to do to get in shape, but no sense making him feel he has farther to go than he really does.
Yes, but REGULAR camp does this as well (high activity, healthful meals, respect for others, “starting fresh” etc.) Have you ever been to just a, basically normal summer camp? And do you really want a kid whose relationship to food is not pathological to be thrown in amongst others who in all likelihood, have the range of pathological eating problems (emotional eating; hoarding; binging; purging;starving)?
I mean, look at the oldest weight loss camp in the U.S. Their “average camper” enters camp weighing 225 lbs!!! You don’t get that way without fairly significant disordered eating. It’s great that kids with those sort of problems, can get intensive help for them in a positive environment. That doesn’t means it is appropriate for every pudgy 11 year old.
Furthermore, and as been repeated many times by several different posters actual weight LOSS may not be a desirable goal for a child who is not quite significantly overweight.
Plus from what I’ve read, a lot of the kids who go to fat camps just end up regaining the lost weight because they don’t really teach you habits. It’s more like they just structure your day for you–tell you what/when to eat, when to exercise, etc. When you’re at home, you are back at square one.
