Oxymoronic Sayings

This is from our local paper, any one else have anything they care to add?

Some people say that I’m superficial, but that’s just on the surface.

On one hand, I’m indecisive; but on the other hand, I’m not.

If there’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s intolerance.

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Prejudice people are all alike.

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

Prepositions are not words to end sentances with.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

Profanity sucks.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Death to all fanatics.

“An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” Sam Goldwyn.

“IF we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.” Dan Quayle.

There are only three kinds of people: people who can count and people can’t.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

People who see psychiatrists ought to have their heads examined.

More woman than you’ll ever inflate!

Yeah, I’m apathetic.
But I don’t care.

This space for rent.

All generalizations are false.

I thought it was mucus but it’snot.
God that felt good,

“There are no absolutes in life”
from Wiley’s Non Sequitur

(…Looks like a job for…
<font size="+2">OBVIOUSMAN!!!</font> )

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
Mark Twain

There’s a whole list of grammar oxymoronic phrases:

Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Don’t use no double negatives. Don’t never use no triple negatives.

No sentence fragments

Corollary: Complete sentences: important.

Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

All generalizations are bad.

Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.

A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.

Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they’re worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever…if you get my drift…

You should never use the second person.

The passive voice should never be used.

Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland…

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I hate quotations.”

Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!

Don’t use question marks inappropriately?

Don’t obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.

Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.

Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.

Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.

Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.

Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.

Back off, man. I’m a scientist.

I am not a pessimistic person, I am not a pessimistic person…

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

Fun with HTML (tutoral) : The True Sequal

I’ve always been partial to the variant ‘Eschew Obfuscation’, myself.

BTW, am I the only one who thinks that most of these these aren’t really oxymoronic? They’re self contradictory, but in most of the examples, the words contradict the concept, not eachother. Sorry, being needlessly pedantic…

Adding some:

Hurry up and wait.

Going nowhere fast.

Needlessly pedantic. ( :wink: )

‘They couldn’t hit an Elephant from this dist…!’

Last words of General John Sedgwick

I had a seventh-grade teacher who gave me a low grade on a paper I handed in; his written comment was, “Poor Neatness.”

I love it when people say stuff like:

“I have a jacket just like that, only different!”

Not oxy, but definitely moronic:

“If I were you, I would…”

No, if you were me, you’d do exactly what I am going to do!