Not that anybody is going to know what I’m talking about here, but:
PTC, thine purveyor of the electronic foulness known as Pro/ENGINEER and Pro/INTRALINK, may you and your miserable excuse for code developers die a thousand horribly excruciating deaths at the hands of small but vicious rodents with very sharp teeth and an inexorable hunger for bone marrow.
Your deplorable products have ofttimes prevented me from the kind of productivity I could display if I were not called upon incessantly to figure out “workarounds” to your ill-considered features and perneciously ignored bugs. Yea, but I have been using your products now for eight years now, and by the Org above from whose arse light shines upon your loathesome existances, you have never failed to ignore any opportunity to correct the problems that have plagued your vile code from time immemorial. I especially enjoy the way making a simple alteration, unrelated to any other feature, part, or assembly can and by the will of the Great Hacker shall cause great cascade failures in an assembly, requiriring me to spend more time in Feature Failure Mode to diagnose the errors than was required to build the assembly in the first place.
Oh, and I detest the little dialog box that pops up when I’ve made the necessary expendatures of time, effort, frustration, and foul language, which asks me if I want to leave Resolve Mode. AS IF it were my career ambition to remain locked in an infinite, nonfunctional loop of do-nothingness.
And of your latest attempt to emulate the look and function of your competitors’ interfaces–you know, the ones your salespeople were mocking even but five years ago as being vastly inferior–I can say only this: may a large furry octoped find its way into your sleeping quarters and cocoon you in find silk thread so that it might liquify you and suck your brains from your skull like a schoolchild with a milkshake. You have served only to make your remarkably capricious software even more fitful and spasmodic.
As for your PDM product, INTRALINK–which you have now elected only to provide minimal support in favor of your new monsterous tarbaby, WINDCHILL–the language lacks sufficiently impactive vocabulary to describe what a dreadful abomination thing thing is. If but I had the time, I would write in verse all things wicked and evil about your post-natal abortion of a database manager.
What a brilliant idea, by the way, to name your products after natural disasters and phsyical ailments. WILDFIRE. WINDCHILL. What’s next? HURRICANE? TYPHUS? SINKHOLE? How about LASSAFEVER, or PLANETARYCOLLISION?
May all the things that slither and creep in the dark find you one day as you sit upon the commode, unable to move or scream as they tear the folicles from your skin and embed themselves in your buttocks. I would smite thee to the last breath, to the final heartbeat, to the climactic eye flicker, if but it were within my power to do so. I’d rend thee from toe to top with a dull flensing knife and blowtorch heated copper pins, yee foul vermin not of this earth. I would unlease the Hounds of Tindalos, the beat Cerebus, the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal upon your staked and flayed corpse, you benighted bastards.
Another satisfied PTC “client partner”,
Stranger
