I have an eighteen year old daughter, an only child, who suddenly decided to move out of the nest a few weeks after her birthday, and in with her barely lukewarm boyfriend. The kind you have to hold a mirror in front of his mouth to check if he’s still breathing.
She was an underachiever: a classic bored kid, A’s on tests, but with a disdain for what she considered “busywork.” And unafraid to challenge and question, which is a Bad Thing within the framework of the American penal system and its counterpart the American public school system. I offered a couple years ago, in fact, wanted her to quit school then, take her GED and go straight to college, where she would find a challenge. But she didn’t want to leave her friends, so she stayed, albeit not doing much. Unfortunately, I was not in a position to quit my job and homeschool her.
Despite doing something incredibly stupid, she is actually extremely intelligent, resourceful, remarkably confident, literate, outspoken, talented, competent, and unafraid to take action in her own or others’ defense. (Which has gotten her in hot water with the school more than once).
However, one of the greatest destroyers of female potential, is an unplanned teenage pregancy.
So, I have offered her $50.00 cash, in exchange for the doctor’s office receipts showing the successful insertion of an IUD (a method her doctor has already recommended for her). She still has health insurance for another four months.
I offered her $100.00 in exchange for a copy of her GED diploma.
$150.00 for proof that Boyfriend was neutered. Really, he shouldn’t breed. At least not with her. His IQ is roughly half of hers.
$500.00 for dumping him; to be paid only after I am satisfied that he is history.
Friday evening, at a local watering hole, I became esconced in a heated although civil debate as to the morality and ethics of my attempts to “bribe” what I consider good behavior. I am open minded, and although I defended my actions as a parent, I must secondarily consider the ethics involved.
Is it “elitist” manipulation of the poor to offer them cash to produce certain behaviors and actions? My position is that I can more easily afford $500 than she can afford the consequences of a deadweight boyfriend. The other side countered that it is immoral to attempt to “buy” someone’s behaviors, simply because (a) I have the money (b) She doesn’t have money and © I want to see certain actions from her?
They kept insisting that it was typical of the mentality of the “upper classes” (???) to not accept lifestyle decisions that did not reflect their own values and culture. That it’s one of society’s inherent evils in the class struggle. I said bullshit. I am not trying to remove a choice from her, simply sweetening the pot.
The only point I conceded, was that perhaps I have it backwards: I should be offering her $500 to go on (almost) foolproof birth control, but just $50 to dump him.
My goal is not necessarily to get her to move back home, but to remove herself from a dead-end lifestyle. She’s not a substance abuser, so that is not an issue. But she is working as a beer girl at a local golf course (making almost triple the money Boyfriend makes as a part-time construction worker’s helper). She needs to be in college.
Eventually, I predict she will tire of his blank, slack jawed gape, and ditch him like last week’s potato cakes. But I don’t want her to be burdened with a baby first; especially not one by a dud like that.
Is it any more wrong for a parent to attempt to influence their child’s life choices in this manner, than for, say, a corporation, or a government?
