In every school my son has attended punching anyone, regardless of who threw the first punch results in suspension or placement in an alternative program.
A family friend who studies martial arts taught him how to block punches.
He’s gotten through his freshman year of high school without having been bullied physically.
What age were you all? I teach in a high school, and the two kids that have had the biggest bullying problems in these last years were ones that could be provoked into blind, violent rage. One was a girl, the other was a boy. Both did have rage issues that veered into the “mentally ill” territory, perhaps making the meltdowns more than usually spectacular, but there was no doubt that the bullies enjoyed the “poking a bear with a stick” aspect of it.
Most of my “incidents” were in 6th and 7th grade. I think it is different in high school- especially for boys- because they’re strong enough to really hurt someone. Your two examples may be different, but every time I’ve seen a bully get hurt by one of his victims (a good punch to the nose, kick to the groin, etc.), even if the bully beats the kid up, the bully stopped bullying that particular kid afterwards.
Another difference I can think of is that in the “provoke to rage” type pattern I have seen, it was usually done by a pack of kids–like 10 kids all throwing spit balls and sniggering at one kid for a whole class period, hoping she’ll snap. The chance of being the kid that actually gets hit is pretty low, and the payoff (from the bully’s point of view) is spectacular.
Late 5th through 8th grade, so “middle school” years. I had delayed growth, so I was consistently, significantly, smaller and less developed physically than my peers; (though I’m a normal sized adult, I kept growing into my mid to late twenties). I was verbally and physically bullied for several years without any recourse, (teachers didn’t care, mom told me not to fight and ignore it) It left a significant mental scar that only now in my early thirties has begun to stretch and relax. Violence was the solution. I fought back a few times and it was all over. I wasn’t worth picking on any longer because it isn’t any fun to pick on someone who will punch you in the face. Today’s school environment is different. zer0-tolerance policies, anti-bullying campaigns, and better parental and teacher involvement have changed the nature of bullying and how it ought to be handled. Hence I would encourage my child to use those socially acceptable tools first before resorting to violence. Though should those fail, nobody should ever have to endure daily taunting, abuse and physical attacks.
From early grade school* all through high school.
*At least; my memory of earlier times is too fuzzy to be sure one way or another.
All of you who teach your kids to stand up for yourself: I agree with you. I also want to point out that teaching them that goes straight up against the teachings of Jesus.
So, if you disregard teaching “turning the other cheek” which the Bible says is a direct quote from Jesus himself… can you stop condemning gays based on some quote by Paul and an old Levite priest?
I would teach (and those were the rules for the kids I worked with) that there are many, many ways to resolve situations before violence. Always speak to an adult (because nowadays it really does work, if we heard of bullying the bullies would rue the day). If there is a situation that can only be dealt with violently, then go ahead but be prepared to deal with the consequences.
When you get in a fight there are always consequences, and once punches have been thrown they are yours to deal with, no matter how provoked. This is simply the way it works in the real world. There is no point as a parent going to the principle and complaining that it’s not fair etc etc. The bully’s parents are doing the same thing, what’s the principle to do? The school has a system for dealing with fighting, and with all the whining parents do about how angelic their child is that system is never going to work.
By all means punch someone if there is no other way out, but you need to know that our society does not condone fighting. As you get older consequences just get worse. Eventually it won’t be suspension, it will be the police. So no hiding behind mum and dad, no fun outings when you get suspended: you deal with the consequences.
I got different types of advice from my mother and father. I never was bullied myself but was taught to stand up to bullying wether or not I knew the person being bullied. I was always the kid known as toughest kid in school or class whatever. My mother taught us to try accepting the bully and making friends if it didn’t work they still had to be stopped. Very seldom was physical force needed to stop a bully, confrontation was usually enough.
Right. As other posters have said, I taught my kids many strategies for dealing with bullying/teasing…but yes, a punch to the throat was one of them.
There’s a several step process, beginning with asking the person to stop (and naming the specific behavior you want them to stop), gliding through “ask an adult to help mediate” (which we all know is fargin’ stupid and counterproductive, but it is some small defense in the event of a lawsuit) and touching on “warn them that if the behavior is not stopped, they will be punched in the throat,” before finally landing at punching them in the throat.
As it turned out for my son, he never got the opportunity to punch anyone in the throat, because he wasn’t classically bullied. When he was assaulted at school, it was from out of the blue; a total stranger who just popped him in the face before melting back into the crowd. It was a real WTF moment for the security guard who witnessed the whole thing, and the only conclusion school officials could reach was that it was a random, racially motivated thing. (My son was one of two white kids in an otherwise “minority” school.)
Remains to be seen whether my daughter will need to punch anyone in the throat. She’s entering 2nd grade, and the Mean Girl thing is still winding up, so things may get ugly down the road. I hope not. (Actually, more than anything, I hope she doesn’t turn out to be one of the Mean Girls. I have no idea how I’d handle it if my kid turned out to BE the bully!)
Fifty responses and not one mention of teaching kids to make a shiv?
What’s a shiv?
An attempt at humor which fails when someone doesn’t recognize the term.
Sheesh, I’m of the age when shop class in high school was for making improvised weapons to bluster about at football games.
Done time?
Wooderson?
Yeah, and what happened to him, huh? 
But seriously, who are you addressing this to? I don’t see a lot of gay-hate being thrown around in this thread.
My daughter (going into 6th grade) gets bullied at school. Last year was better than the year prior to that, but one boy in particular kept threatening to beat her up. She was scared of him, and kept coming up with what-ifs…what if I ignore him and he gets worse? what if he pushes me? what if the teacher isn’t there? what if he really does punch me like he punched another kid?
Finally I sat her down and told her, look–you’re a purple belt and you go to tkd six times a week. You’ve practiced blocks and kicks and punches and falls thousands of times. You spar ever single week, and you can take a hard punch. Does he do any of that? He does NOT. If he manages to hit you–I doubt that he WILL, but if he does–then you have my permission to beat his ass in front of everyone. Do it, make it count, and make him rue the day he ever decided to pick on that pretty little slip of a girl in class.
If she gets expelled, I’ll homeschool her or take her to the next town. Sometimes bullies have to be faced down, unfortunately.
Extra points if you move on to the next town on horseback.