Yes. I also told him to hit a girl back. He won’t, but he’ll stick a kid where it hurts, e.g., Well YOU still wet the bed.
He can defend himself, but kids at 7 are usually one hit winders.
This. I didn’t get told that until I was 10 and one of the local urban youth tried to steal my bike with me still on it and punched me. Stupid me was taught never to fight so I just rode away. That was the day my dad and my next door neighbor (the ex-boxer) told me, “Fight back, and make sure you punch him right in the snot pocket.”
Over 25 years later, and I tell my stepson, “Look, don’t hit the guy first, but you be an animal and make sure you get in the last hit. Go for his nose and his eyes. Even if you lose, that guy won’t come around to pick on you again.” I also taught him how to use someone’s weight against them and get them to the ground while you’re still standing. Because I care.
As I mentioned earlier, be prepared to take on the school and the school board. Zero tolerance programs are moronic. People should ever be punished for defending themselves against a physical assault. That puts the school and the school board squarely in the wrong; they have assumed the bullying that was being done by the other kid.
And have a talk with your daughter’s TKD instructor. One of the best things he can and should do for her is to get a blocker pad and try to beat the tar out of her with it. She should be able to block and counter every time he swings at her. We call this the ordeal of fire in our school. I do it every couple of months and the kids love it.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’d at least suspend her–based on what I’ve seen so far, probably not expulsion, but still a pain to deal with. Hopefully she won’t have to whup up on anyone. She has an older brother who is thisclose to his black belt, and he informed me in all seriousness yesterday that he is “the scariest nerd in his school” so they both feel pretty confident this year.
I’ll ask if they do the blocker pad beatdown–she does a lot of sparring with kids a lot bigger and faster than her, and this sounds like a great addition. Thanks!
I have always told my sons that you NEVER throw the 1st punch, but don’t worry about me if you throw the 2nd. Meaning, they may get in trouble at school, but not at home. In the long run a bit of detention will be worth keeping the bully out of their lives.
My oldest son came up with a pretty cleaver solution to this problem last year. Had an older kid that just didn’t like him (it happens) and finally my son had reached his limit. The older kid pushed for no reason during some pick up basketball (5-7 graders). My son punched him as hard as he could in the arm, just below the shoulder muscle on the bone. It looked innocent enough to the teachers, but hurt like heck and back that kid down for good. My oldest said he had thought of it the week before because he didn’t think the teachers would think anything of it.
My son got a one day in school suspension for finally knocking out a school bully. The child’s name alone said it all…
I was proud of him (son) … he took a lot of shit from that kid. and unlike myself and his uncle he ended that shit before it got way too far down the line. The football coach told me the next year that the teachers were cheering for my son in the teacher’s lounge because with that fight they were finally able to get rid of this kid… Damn shame… but you gotta do what you gotta do sometime…
No, just heard the term before.
Yeah, I have mixed thoughts on the whole TKD dojo down at the local mall. I’ve seen a lot of karate nerds get their ass beat in jr high and high school. Don’t get me wrong. It certainly helps. But as I told one of my friends who asked me if I could kick anyones ass because I was studying karate/judo…
“nope”.
Wow I am glad that I am not likely to be in a position to advise a child on how to react to a bully.
I always handled it poorly, I either under reacted and prolonged the torment or over reacted and got into deeper trouble. The first fact I found was that even if you hit a bully back. He would then come back with his friends and beat down on you. Bullies will take a hiding and won’t all of a sudden recognise the error of their ways but will escalate things.
They do however remember having a knife put into their buttocks, especially if you do it twice. And it is sufficiently shocking to prevent them or their friends from coming back.
But all of a sudden you now find yourself the bad boy and face further consequences from authorities. (Roman Catholic priest teachers in my case)
Tough growing up
Based on what I saw when I was working in an elementary school I don’t think talking to a kid about what to do really makes a difference. Some kids are agressive and if provoked will fight very easily. Some kids are passive and will not fight no matter what you do . I’m sure there are a few marginal cases, but for the most part a good talking to will not turn a passive kid into an agressive one or vice versa. I have also found that the kind of parent that tells a kid that it is okay to punch people is likely to have agressive kids, so the parent may perceive more influence than is actually the case.
Like, Masstricht I plan to teach my kids not to punch, unless the bully is gay.
So…Parents no longer beat their kids worse when they lose a fight at school ?