Just remember - this too will pass. One part of the new-mother crazies is the belief that whatever your child is doing at the time will last FOREVER.
But they go through stages quite quickly and you may find that next week he loves the swing again.
I can distinctly remember thinking when my first was 2 months old that I’d be woken up in the middle of the night for 18 more years, and that it would be 18 more years until things were back to “normal”.
I would certainly suggest a wrap / sling / carrier of some kind. We have a DIY Maya Wrap and a Snugli front carrier. I’m not a big fan of either one. The ring sling is uncomfortable, and the Snugli makes both of my shoulders hurt. Currently, I’m jonesin’ for a Mei Tai. But since it’s just me and Spencer at home during the day, if I need to carry him, I just hold him. At over five months, he likes his exersaucer and play gym well enough to play on his own for a few minutes at a time.
If you’re mostly worried about him at daycare, take the time now to talk to your provider. My son had feeding issues and I was really worried about leaving him at daycare, I thought she wouldn’t be able to give him the attention he needed because of the other kids. Turns out she had experience with the same problem and was more than willing and able to help. She even had new ideas to try. It made me feel much better about leaving him. So I would just talk to her about it - an experienced caregiver probably has dealt with crying baby syndrome before. Anyone who has taken care of a newborn knows that sometimes they cry, a lot, and that some like to be held all the time. Maybe you could leave him there for just a few hours now as a trial run to see what happens?
I second the notion too that babies act differently away from mom and also away from home. I have taken care of my friend’s baby a few times when he was in the “must be held all the time” phase and he was fine and happy sleeping by himself at my house, whereas at her house he was wailing for her all the time. My son is 2 now and he still is better behaved and very easy going at daycare, he saves his tantrums for me (yippee.) I have heard from my caregiver that this is common.
It’s hard to leave them at first - but I am sure he will be fine. It will take some time for you to get used to being without him, too! But you will both be ok.
If you’re mostly worried about him at daycare, take the time now to talk to your provider. My son had feeding issues and I was really worried about leaving him at daycare, I thought she wouldn’t be able to give him the attention he needed because of the other kids. Turns out she had experience with the same problem and was more than willing and able to help. She even had new ideas to try. It made me feel much better about leaving him. So I would just talk to her about it - an experienced caregiver probably has dealt with crying baby syndrome before. Anyone who has taken care of a newborn knows that sometimes they cry, a lot, and that some like to be held all the time. Maybe you could leave him there for just a few hours now as a trial run to see what happens?
I second the notion too that babies act differently away from mom and also away from home. I have taken care of my friend’s baby a few times when he was in the “must be held all the time” phase and he was fine and happy sleeping by himself at my house, whereas at her house he was wailing for her all the time. My son is 2 now and he still is better behaved and very easy going at daycare, he saves his tantrums for me (yippee.) I have heard from my caregiver that this is common.
It’s hard to leave them at first - but I am sure he will be fine. It will take some time for you to get used to being without him, too! But you will both be ok.
We’ve already got that set up:). He’s going for a few hours Monday and Wednesday next week, so both he and I can get used to the arrangement. Luckily, I also work fairly close to her house and plan on stopping by at lunch to nurse him. She’s had years of experience as a DCP, and I think I know he’s going to be fine, I’m just worried about those first few days.
I also do have a sling and a front carrier - he spends a lot of his day in the sling, and we’re trying out the front carrier (I like it, but my back started to hurt after a few minutes - my kid’s a horse - and I didn’t find it as easy to maneuver around things as I do with the sling). I may see if she wants to keep either one if it’ll be easier for her.
Thanks for all of the advice. I know it’s just NMS (New Mom Syndrome) and he will probably do much better than I expect or anticipate, and I just need to get through the first few times of leaving him.
E.
Well, as proof that you can find a study to back up any perspective you like, here’s mine:
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html
According to this study, the stress babies experience who are left to cry for long periods of time, physically alters their brains for life.
It’s impossible to say “it didn’t affect me, I am fine” because there is no control group to turn back, and find out what you might have been like if your mom didn’t leave you to cry. Conversely, there’s no way to know what a person would be like if they weren’t held constantly. Therefore, “fine” is a meaningless term. I suppose if a person is functional, they’re “fine”. But they might have been more or less “fine” and there’s no way to know. In this way, it’s identical to the breast-vs-formula debate. There is no control group. You can’t know.
My approach has been modified-attachment-parenting for infants (decreasing as they become toddlers): respond to all cries as soon as possible, after listening to see what kind of cry it is. A fussy grumble? Nope. A cry that becomes increasingly frantic, until child has forgotten the cause of the cry, and is now upset because she is upset? Absolutely. Also…whenever one of my babies has cried “for no reason”? There has always been a reason which I have found upon further investigation - a newly-dirty diaper, a bubble of gas, a UTI, a headache (in my toddler, not in infants)…but there has always been something. And it has been my fault for not finding it, not the child’s fault for not learning that the world doesn’t revolve around them (as some folks, including my own father, advise).
Yes. Babies are very adaptive. Babies will survive if left to cry. However, this is not the best thing for them, and I do think we should try to do the best we can for them whenever possible, without sacrificing our own health (mental or physical).
You know… honestly… people like you kinda make me angry. There is a VAST middle ground and in NO case was I or the op talking about the kind of neglect that would cause ‘permanent brain damage’. I’m talking about having 10 minutes to go to the bathroom by myself. I’m talking about not holding my son and trying to cook dinner at the same time. And yes, jerk, my son DOES cry for no reason other than he wants to be held… how do I know this? Because after being fed, diapered, burped, in warm clothes and happy as long as I held him he would IMMEDIATELY cry when I put him down. He also cried in his carseat for the first three months, I suppose that means for his general health and well being I should have been a shut in, right? Parents do the best they can and people like you who self righteously come in and spew studies about ‘permanent brain damage’ if we have the gall to set our children down for a time in a safe comfortable environment, OR make the choice to use formula for whatever reason, or fail to do one of a thousand things parents are assaulted with as being just VITAL to Jr’s normative health make me want to choke you with a maya sling. (Which, we have and use… OH! and we co-slept until he did sleep through the night… )
Why am I even defending myself to you? Sheesh… AND HOW did you think your post was going to help the OP? You just basically said “Fine, put him down… but risk PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE!!!” whatever…
Please, no personal insults in IMHO.
There is nothing in that article that is helpful to a parent. How long is too long? Can you find the actual study, instead of a simplified, glorified press release?
Even though I’m a guy I went through something like this at around the same eight weeks with my daughter a few months ago. All she wanted was to be held by mommie, and for awhile didn’t like me at all. It frustrated me to no end for about two weeks.
I would suggest the sling, but for us it did not work for Iris, the baby hated the sling for her, we think because she was next to Iris and wanted to nurse. Oddly enough she loved the sling with me and would fall asleep in it. So it is possible that the baby will not like the sling with you, but I’d still give it a try.
You might also want to see if some gas meds will work. Our little one gets gas all the time and hates it. Usually she’ll just fart and we’ll give her some Milacon and she’ll be fine. Except the other day Iris had something that really gave the baby gas and she woke up at 1am screaming, did that for an hour until we gave her the meds, then went right back to sleep. The next day I stayed home with her and she screamed for four hours. I thought I would go mad, then I gave her some stuff and she calmed down.
It sucks having a screaming baby when you can’t figure out what’s wrong. But then they stop and you remember why you liked them in the first place. 
Nothing about the OP suggests that she’s doing anything less than her best.
I’m looking and looking. If it’s out there, Google can’t find it. Maybe it’s buried at Medscape or somewhere else I cannot access. I’m sorry. You’d think there’d have been a link to something like that in the Harvard magazine itself. 
I think most of us have heard stories we KNOW are ‘too long’ - like the woman who I saw interviewed on television who brought her newborn home from the hospital, put him in a crib in a room on the other end of the house (she didn’t want her sleep disturbed) and left him to cry (for very real reasons, like hunger and dirty diaper) every night for 8 hours because “he had a bottle at bedtime, he shouldn’t be hungry, and he had to learn the world didn’t revolve around him.” Eventually, he did stop crying, which would seem to support her theory. But I don’t believe for a second that she was therefore right, and that he came to no harm.
So, in my opinion, how long is too long? It is when mere crying/fussing becomes outright sweating, shrieking, even vomiting hysteria. That is when the body releases all sorts of chemicals, adrenaline among them, and causes real, measurable physical stress - and which this article suggests is harmful to the developing brain. WHEN POSSIBLE, I believe adults should intervene BEFORE that point. Yes, I am aware that it isn’t always possible. For some kids, unfortunately…that’s instantly. And that’s a rough row for the parent. For some kids, it might happen once in a blue moon, or never.
Which of course is far away from what the OP wanted to know. But the thing is, nobody can tell her how to put HER baby to sleep - all any of us can do is tell her what worked for OUR kids, and why we chose that route. Then she must take what works for her, and discard the rest. Her baby and situation are unique.
No, and I am not suggesting she is doing less than her best. But in any thread like this, on any chat board anywhere, there will be the people who come out and say “Oh, just let him cry, he’ll be fine. My mother let me cry, and I’m fine.”
My intent in posting that link to the Harvard magazine is to show that there may be medical evidence that ‘crying’, because of the physiological distress that accompanies it, may in itself be harmful in big enough quantities. Like, oh…a panic attack: perfectly irrational, but out of one’s control. If a baby gets upset enough, I bet it feels like that. And that’s when …just maybe…it’s not “fine”.
I wish I could find that blasted study. The real one.
Of course I do not suggest the OP is harming her baby in any fashion. Again. Let me say this. Again.
Hallboy was a Velcro baby. He was passed between myself, Hallgirl 1 (who was 10 when he was born) and Hallgirl 2 (who was 8). I pretty much knew he was my last baby (and that’s been supported by the evidence thus far), so I wanted to savor every moment, which meant a lot of holding. He was just happier being held, and I was happier holding him. (Mmmm…baby smells…Good baby smells.) At one point, I painted the bathroom with a paintbrush in one hand, and Hallboy perched on my hip, contently watching what I was doing. (He was about six or seven months old at that point.) Trust me, I will take the comfort of that memory with me to the grave.
I also believed in a co-sleeping (something my ex fought me with the Hallgirls, so I divorced him–not just because of that–and did it my way with Hallboy) and self weaning (which Hallboy did at about six months, much to my disappointment).
Hallboy is almost 13 now, almost as tall as I am, and he’s outgrown the Hold Me phase (some time ago, as a matter of fact). He’s a great kid and I believe it was largely due to the fact that I held him until he just got too darned big. (That’s not the only reason, or even the sole reason, but had to factor in there somewhere.)