Is there a way to get the benefit of economies of scale you’d find in an apartment complex by owning a home? The closest I can think of is a condo. I’ve looked into condos, as I said about 75% of the monthly cost is not the principal.
You know it’s funny growing up all I ever heard from my Dad was that he never got any handouts in life and had to earn every cent, so I never felt or expected help from him, and earned everything I have today. Years later I found out from my Mother that when my parents bought their first house that her Aunt had given them thousands of dollars as a gift not a loan for the down payment on their house, I can’t remember the exact amount but it was quite substantial at that time period. So even though my Father has substantial income in the six figures after hearing all that made it on his own stuff for so many years it never even occurred to me to ask for any financial help when I bought my house. Oh well…
I love my children and want them to succeed and be better off than I am, I’m going back to school right now so I can make more money in the long-run so I can support them. I’ll help them out as much as I’m financially able to in regards to education, house, a car. Hopefully enough to get them started in life without a boatload of debt and then they can take it from there.
When we stopped paying for college, the money went right into retirement savings. But then we’re both cheap, which comes from growing up with Depression-era parents.
What do you mean by struggling? Homeless, yes, but having to scrimp and save and economize? Good for the soul.
In London everyone I know who owns a place (well, except one who bought a long time ago) got help from their parents with the deposit, and I really don’t think this was as common a generation ago. For a start, the kids are more likely to need help now - with a minimum 20% deposit requested by banks few people in London are going to be able to manage that with savings alone - and secondly our parents’ generation is benefitting from being in an unusual position where they bought their houses cheap, they’re now worth a fortune, and their pensions are really good.
The parents don’t have to be of the class usually thought of as rich to be in that position, either, just teachers or govt workers or whatever who live in sought-after areas.
It’s the two situations together that are leading to parental help being almost the norm for housebuyers under 40 now. And the amounts being given are not a couple of thousand but tens of thousands.
True. I was thinking house vs. house and overlooking apartments. And whether it’s an apartment or a house, renting can be a good option for many reasons, not just financial ones.
I would never tell anyone that they just have to buy a house. I just don’t think that it’s a slam dunk that renting is always the cheapest way to go. I started looking at houses when I got the notice that my studio apartment’s rent was being raised again, putting it close to $800/month. As best I could see it, the housing bubble was the only thing driving it up. Not cool.
Oh, and my folks helped with my down payment. I’m now helping one of my kids with their down payment. They (son and DIL) insist on paying interest. I told them that the savings account that I’d take it from was paying 0.3%, so if they paid 0.4% I’d be ahead. And if something comes up they can skip payments.
I think you’re wrong about this. This mentality has worked fine with our flesh-and-blood family. My parents raised us with a mentality similar to this (except they explained their philosophy more in-depth, a key point was, “Never let us catch you being resentful or whining about monetary or gift inequities.”) They didn’t do it to be mean–they did it because people are different, financial positions change, and some gifts make more sense than others do.
The four of us have received pretty disparate (although, to us, logically disparate) treatment, and we are 100% fine with it. To be straight-up honest: we think siblings who let petty resentments over money and gifts get between them are foolish, and have their values misplaced. Besides, it’s our parents’ money. They can do what they want with it–they earned it.
Personally, I don’t see the point in judging people for not feeling the “right” way.
Behavior, yes. But not feelings.
A lot of shitty behavior gets fig-leafed with “life isn’t fair”. It is great that this hasnt happened in your family (or mine). But it happens. All I’m saying is that parents should try to tread with care. I don’t think this is all that controversial of a point. But YMMV.
Let’s say the adult children all did the " right" things, but they are all in their 30s with only modest salaries, still renting and paying off big debt.
(This is hypothetical, lest I be misunderstood. I am just trying to understand at what point negative judgement against the parents is reasonable.)
I’m not sure it ever is reasonable actually (judgment against the parents, that is). Different people have different views on what (if any) assistance adult children ought to receive from their parents. I might give a parent the side eye if they do literally nothing to help a child of theirs who is well and truly impoverished, but it’s their money, I don’t know their story, and it’s possible there might be things going on I don’t know about. For example, if a child of even wealthy parents is homeless and the parents do nothing - is that because they’re cheap bastards who can’t be assed or is the kid an unrepentant, untreated drug addict who the parents have tried many many times to help and failed?
Also, it’s worth nothing that for a lot of people, assistance to adult children is less “assistance to a child” and more “structured inheritance and estate planning”. I know that the vast majority of assistance I received from my own parents was largely a form of estate planning. It is my mother’s often-stated preference that she distributes what would otherwise be our inheritance to us at moments in our lives when it will be the most helpful - and the time of her death (other than the amount required for her “final expenses”) is not likely to be a time when we’re going to get a ton of benefit from an inheritance. For starters (hopefully), we’re likely to be at least middle-aged and presumably have reached a point of financial and personal stability in our own rights when my parents pass. The amount of a down payment for a house will make a much, much bigger impact to a young couple just starting than inheriting that same amount when your parents pass and you’re nearing (if not at) retirement age yourself.
There’s also a sort of bread on the waters philosophy at work for a lot of families. For example, my parents definitely helped me with the down payment on my first house. This was partially a wedding gift (in my case, a time-delayed wedding gift), but it was also with the very, very clear understanding that should circumstances dictate, one or both of them might end up living with us in the house they helped pay for. They might also end up living with my brother in his house (that they also helped pay for).
I hesitate to call it a quid pro quo - because it really, really isn’t - but quite a lot of the monetary gifts I received as an adult from my parents were all given with the understanding that should my parents ever be in need of my financial assistance (or just in a position where a cash gift could make a substantial difference in their quality of life), I will help to the limit of my ability. In other words, if it turns out my mom misjudged the amount of our prospective inheritance represents and overgifts, she expects us to lend a hand back. Not necessarily just with money - it might be in the form of opening our homes so my parents can stay with us if they’re not able to live on their own but not ready or willing to live in a care facility, for example.
In that situation a gift from the blue would be nice if affordable, but I wouldn’t think less of parents who didn’t give a gift. Now if the parents refused to pay for college and bought their own toys instead, then came into money, and didn’t do something, I might be a bit more judgmental.
But then I come from a family where going to college, if the parents can afford it, was on the same level of a roof over ones head. Especially because my father’s family couldn’t afford it, not even city college.
I was talking about behavior. I said, “We think siblings who let petty resentments over money and gifts get between them are foolish, and have their values misplaced.” I think it should be pretty clear from the text that “get between them” part means that feelings have impacted upon behavior.
Also, IME, for about 99.9% of people, their feelings impact their behavior (consciously or not), so to me it seems like a distinction without a difference.
They went into debt by their own free will, so I certainly wouldn’t judge the parents at all for not intervening.
If the parents were well-off and did not offer help with medical expenses in the case of a seriously ill adult child, I’d judge them I guess, but I don’t know how I would actually have accurate details of any of their finances in order to make such a judgment.
You’re right. I’m sorry for misunderstanding.
I had help in the form of a cash gift from my father to buy our first home and I still live in it. Neither of my children needed assistance in buy their first home, but I did help out my daughter and my daughter in law with college tuition money before they bought houses. In my humble opinion, this is how the working class (me) helps their kids into the middle class.