Parents: How involved are you in your children's music lessons?

I am a piano teacher who works with around a dozen students per week, giving them weekly private piano lessons. I generally spend thirty minutes with them, and try to keep their curriculum as organized as possible (i.e. I write down a list of what I want them to practice, warm-up excersizes, etc). A big part of my own teaching technique stems from what I felt what effective for me. I know this won’t apply to everyone, but I’m a flexible guy- I’ll take something that is generally effective, and ‘tweak’ it for each pupil to tailor it to specific needs. I put a lot of effort into helping them learn how to play the piano. But I can only do so much in the thirty minutes I am teaching them. It is their responsibility to practice and have an understanding of the material I have assigned for them that week.

As a teacher, I have become very keen on whether or not a student has practiced. I can’t really describe what it is that tips me off, its kind of a ‘spider sense’ when it comes to piano students. Since most of my students are young, six to eleven years of age, their parents are fairly involved in their day-to-day lives. However, some students still struggle. While some don’t do well because they don’t practice enough (parents dont enforce it strictly enough, or parents are making their child do far too many activities at a time) many of them practice enough, but simply aren’t learning anything because they spend 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week playing something incorrectly, with no one correcting them/asking them about it.

When I was first taking piano lessons, both of my parents knew enough about piano/music theory to help make sure I practiced properly. One of them would always be around to remind me to practice, and they could tell when I was goofing off/procrastinating/not practicing. Thus, I did fairly well thanks to their help. But I wonder if other parents take the same amount of effort my parents did in making sure their children practice.

So my question is this- how involved are you in your child’s music lessons? Do you understand it enough to make sure they are practicing? How much responsibility to you place in the hands of your child’s music instructor? As a piano teacher, I put a lot of the child’s performance, good or bad into my own hands, since I am the teacher. But I have no control over whether or not they practice enough, or whether they are even practicing correctly. Thus sometimes I have a difficult time being able to tell how much of it was beyond my control.

This is not a reply to Incubus’s question, but a piggy-back from another music teacher interested in the matter. I have an, ummm, wide variety of parents to deal with - from the ‘don’t care’ to the ‘I know best’, via the ‘don’t ask me, it’s the teacher’s job’. I’d love to hear from the other side - in particular, from parents with no musical background themselves, who seem to me to be intimidated by the whole matter.

When my daughter was taking piano (she was in middle school) I tried to help her with phrasing and rhythm, and I was able to show her a little when she struggled with some parts. I tried to remind her of things her teacher had said - she took lessons in the woman’s home, and I sat there in the room during the lesson.

Unfortunately, she was easily discouraged, and after a couple of years, she quit taking lessons. I was disappointed, but I’d decided that I wouldn’t force her to do any activities. She gave it a try, and she showed promise, but she wasn’t dedicated enough to keep up with it. Had she wanted to stay with it, I’d have been right there supporting her.

She recently said she wish I’d pushed her. NOW she tells me…

My nearly five year old has just started piano lessons this past April.

It’s a 30 minute lesson which is a bit long at the moment, so he gets bribed along with offers of playing the flute or trumpet or stickers, songs etc. He does like it, and practices by himself for about three or four minutes several times a day. He’ll get up early in the morning and practice before the rest of us come downstairs, then go back several times during the day.

I am TOTALLY unmusical and know nothing, so it’s something that I have felt shy of offering my kids. I attend the lesson with him (though this has the downside of him messing about more in my opinion…) so that I can see what the teacher is doing with him, and I can help him practice.

This is all well and good but in a few months time I can already see it’s going to be beyond me.

But the kid is stuck with either no lessons or lessons with encouragement from a useless Mum. I think the second option is better than nothing…

FairyChatMom: I would encourage your daughter to go back to taking piano lessons. Your daughter sounds similar to the way I was- I was forced to take piano lessons for seven years, and the whole time I felt like it was a stupid chore, and that none of the other kids’ moms in my neighborhood forced them to do it. When my parents divorced, they couldn’t afford lessons anymore. I had thought it would be a godsend for me, but at that point I was starting to enjoy it. When I was 20, I finally quit beating around the bush and found a great teacher and started taking lessons again. Been doing it ever since :smiley: Remember, it is never too late to go back to something like this.

HokkaidoBrit: Don’t be afraid to ask your child’s teacher what you should be listening for, or any ways you can help. I always love it when parents ask what they should be listening for- it indicates to me that the parents are interested in making sure the child practices, and when the child has a support system in the form of willing and proactive parents, they are more likely to suceed.

My suggestion for this would be to speak to the teacher, and suggest that maybe you sit in for the first few minutes, the last section, and disappear outside in the meantime - it means you will still pick up on the important elements of what’s going on, while preventing Lil’ Hokkaido from messing about too much.

And if he’s playing by himself, several times a day, that’s an excellent habit to encourage - 3 minutes three times a day can very easily progress steadily to 5-10 minute sessions, to 10-15 minute sessions, to…you get the idea. It sounds like the routine is settled, which is an ideal situation to have at such an early stage.

I am of the belief that it is totally between the child and the music teacher what is taught, and totally up to the child whether or not he or she will practice and whether or not the child want the parent’s “advice.” My daughters take violin and piano (one of each) and it was my “helping” that got my oldest to start hating violin and switch to piano. She said it wasn’t fun anymore. I think in order for someone to become really good at music, she should love it, and that can only happen if the parent stays out of it–unless invited to critique.

Once I started realizing that it was not MY lessons and my daughters were not taking lessons for ME, it became a much more enjoyable experience all the way around. I believe if either of their instructors asked me to “monitor” practice, I would seek out another instructor. If the instructor doesn’t think the child is practicing properly, he should tell the child and let the child determine what to do about it. If either of my daughters asks me to listen and offer adivce, that’s another matter entirely.

Good advice and interesting comments from all.

This is a bit of a sore topic for me, as it brings back memories of my own piano lessons. At age 11 my mother set me up with piano lessons from her friend, who was a piano teacher, because as a kid my mother had wanted to learn but had not been able to. I was not interested, and what I hated most of all was that I was a weekly boarder at my school (we lived on an island so had to go to the big island for school) and I was desperately homesick. There was no piano in our house, so I was sent for an hour each Saturday and Sunday, plus the lesson, to the elementary school across the road to practice. I was shut off from my family for another three hours, in an empty classroom, and I HATED it. It was nothing but misery.

After a year in which I unsurprisingly made almost no progress, they all allowed me to stop, but not without the ingratitude speeches…

My elder boy showed signs of enjoying music from a very early age and my mother was very vocal about us enrolling him in music lessons. He is nearly nine and I never have, partly because of the childish gut reaction to my mother, and partly because although he does enjoy music, he has no self discipline whatsoever, and he has the attention span of a gnat. We have a huge amount of hassle getting him to do his regular homework or even work in class, and I cannot BEAR the idea of adding something else to nag him about. Where would be the pleasure in that? So he goes swimming, where you are allowed to be a wiggle bum, and Korean which at this stage is mostly spoken with a few game worksheets.

Little Brit is a totally different character, can sit and concentrate, and when he makes a mistake in anything does not give up but goes on trying till he gets it right. (Big boy will say “I can’t do this” and walk away.) He likes crossing off the number of times he has practiced, and singing the words to the tunes, and getting stickers on a chart. He likes the order and pattern of the keys on the board. None of that appeals to the bigger one.

There is something else I wanted to ask you musicians about - I wonder if I am handicapped musically in some way, as all but the most simple melodies strike me as cacophonous, raucous, irritating. Going to a classical piano concert as I did the other week to support the piano teacher (who was playing in it, and who is a good friend) nearly drove me mad, and it wasn’t terribly crashy bangy stuff, just your middle of the road stuff. I don’t even like much pop or rock. I can listen to one or two songs, maybe half an hour max of ANYTHING. Then I start wanting to scream and tear my hair out. It’s going to be hard if my little one does show a big interest and keeps going!

I wish I could understand the world of music, but I just can’t. It’s like I’m musically “deaf” or something. My two best friends here are the piano teacher and another woman who plays the viola. We get together as a threesome and within the first minute they have lost me. Sigh…

I will do that when the weather warms up a bit here! She lives in the middle of nowhere so you are either in her house or on the kerb! It’s a good idea, thanks.

My wife fought till I caved and spent what little money we have on violin lessons for my daughter. We used a friends 1/16 size violin. The teacher was new in town and according to rumors was really good. She taught Suzuki style. Jessie my daughter was not quite 5 at the time. My wife promised to practice with her every day and that was a stipulation when I finally caved on. She can play a little guitar but otherwise has little or no knowledge of instruments, but, takes and teaches dance and is a successful painter. I knew she wouldn’t be able to do it, as she is to busy and I knew my daughter would get board and fight it.

Boy did my wife prove me wrong. My daughter fights and fusses almost every time but has gotten good. And get this So has my wife. She kept to her promise.

Well Jessie now is 6 years old and plays quite good. I bet ever since her first lesson she has missed maby 10 practices. Yes some are short but never non existent. My wife has gone to almost every lesson(I took her for a few) and has learned at the same time. We finally purchased another violin for her sixth birthday and now the both of them play. I enjoy the sounds everyday and love to hear the new songs and old.

For what its worth goto practice with your child and learn it at the same time. We get two lessons for one and when Jessie practices my wife knows whats going on. I am not even sure if the teacher knows that my wife plays so beautifully now. They connect even through a crying fit. My wife isn’t really teaching her but learning at the same time.

Not lessons per-se, but I have my three year old sit on my right leg when I play drums. He has two sticks and will knock stuff around, lately to the beat I’m laying down. He’s getting the hang of it and I’m sure that even this modest exposure to music (he also has access to a bass and guitar that he plucks) will benefit him in the long run. Or make him deaf prematurely.

I’ll let you know in 5-7 years.

I used to teach music lessons to 3rd through 5th graders, which is different than teaching a 5 year old. And I taught the flute, not the piano. I always made sure I checked off what they had already played, and circled and explained everything they were to work on for the next week. Parents had to sign a “practice proof chart,” which stated how long a student had practiced on each day. They were very helpful, as the kids with over however many hours won ice cream, or whatever.
Growing up, though neither of my parents did not know much about wind instruments, they knew to send me to my room and practice (at about 10 y.o.). I had to practice at least half an hour every day, not split up, all at once. I hated it then, as I wanted to go out and play with my friends, but now, I thank them deeply, as I love music, and my ability to play.
Oh, and don’t worry, gatopescado, my dad used to do the same thing with me, and I can still pretty much hear :slight_smile:

Don’t worry - it’s not something wrong with you (hopefully :wink: ) It’s not something that you will necessarily just ‘get’, without any familiarity. Take a listen to some of these programmes, which guide you through individual pieces of music, explaining how they are put together and what’s going on.

Yeah, musicians can be like that. But so can IT technicians, or carpenters, or…

Wife and I were both very active in Band/Music as kids. I actually spent my first years in college on a partial music scholarship.

After a few years of “encouragement”, my eldest son finally elected to drop football in favor of band (coach: boo, band-director: yea). I didn’t want to push too hard, but I think his French Horn will be more rewarding than being a defensive-tackle. (It’s a wonder they haven’t revoked my Texas citizenship over this. Football is KING around here.)

My daughter is in her 4th year of piano lessons.

As far as regular practice, we don’t push beyond a gentle reminder of upcoming performances/tryouts. Daughter actually practices on her own, Son is content with being in the “middle” chairs (won’t settle for last, but not really driven to be first).

Unfortunately, she’s living in a small 2 BR apartment with 2 other people, 4 cats, and some rodent-critters. There’s no space for a piano, and between school and work, little time or money for lessons or practice. I’m hoping after she graduates that she’ll get back to it. But she’s an adult now, so it’s her choice. We’ll see what happens.

I started taking piano lessons at the age of 4 and had a mother who was VERY involved in my music lessons. I would be forced to practice everyday and was punished (got “time out” or when I got older, got grounded) if I didn’t practice. My mother had no musical background, yet would scold me for messing up. I know she was just trying to make me the best pianst I could be, but eventually, the stress and the pressure my mother exerted onto me made me quit piano at the age of 14.

Now, almost ten years later I wish I hadn’t quit piano, but I don’t remember my piano lessons as “fun.” My mother later told me she wished she hadn’t put so much pressure on me.

Thanks for this link, I will listen! I wonder if I am a bit sensitive to “noise” though - or maybe it comes from having two boys underfoot who screech and chatter the entire time. I don’t mind actively LISTENING to music, whatever type it may be, for about 30 minutes. But I cannot BEAR background music of any kind. Like nails down a blackboard - ugggh! The more complicated the music, the more it irritates me, too.

Good! Insidious muzak is a disgrace - and I get very worried by the number of people that don’t even notice that it is present at all, until their attention is drawn to them. That, to me, smacks of gross manipulation, perhaps even on a subliminal level.

I am self taught on the guitar and as such I am teaching my 14 year old son not how to play the guitar but how to teach himself. The internet didn’t exist when I was learning, but the online resources available now are incredible. I don’t nag him to “practice” (I hate that term, don’t practice PLAY! The more you play the better you get) The message got through to him pretty quick when he would turn up a song he liked on the car radio then hear me play it the next time he was with me. It’s one of the many wonderful bonding points that we have. (and an easy one for me since playing a Weezer song is pretty darn simple)