Here’s a clue. When I am going 5 mph over the speed limit (55 in a 50) in the right lane, and the left lane is empty from here to infinity, pull your goddamned car into the freaking left lane and pass me. Do not drive approximately one foot behind my car, or I will take my foot off the gas and let the car go slower and slower and slower…
I got down to 30 mph before the braindead simian changed lanes.
*Feel free to substitute the word “nutsucker” if you find it more esthetically pleasing.
But…but…my exit is coming up in a couple of miles, and I’m so afraid I might miss it.
Plus, you made me look up from the business section.
I am in awe. “Presapient nutchomper” is now at the top of my “Best… Flame… EVER” list.
::bows down to her new goddess, Kat::
All tailgaters should be dragged from their cars and beaten mercilessly. My favorite bumper sticker says it all: “Unless you’re a hemmorhoid, GET OFF MY ASS!”
-Dirty
No one in London seems to have worked out that you can’t stop as quickly when it’s raining.
10 minutes of rain and half the main roads round here are blocked by pile ups caused by those tailgaiting &@%£*.
Thing is, I would have understood it if I’d been going slower and the left lane had been occupied. Wouldn’t have been happy about it (especially considering how closely the fungusbrain was following), but it would have been understandable. What would the moron have done if a kid or a puppy or something had run in front of me and I’d had to slam on my brakes?
(The kid or puppy would have made it safely to the unoccupied left lane in this fantasy. No kids or puppies were injured in the construction of this post.)
I’d like to point out that the opposite is also true.
If I pull into the left lane to pass you, do NOT assume that I am trying to assert my dominance over you personally. Do NOT speed up so that we are driving parallel to each other and so that I can not pass without accelerating even more.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject, please have the common decency to drive in the left lane if you are doing at or just above (or God forbid below) the speed limit. I despise passing on the right. It’s dangerous, and strictly speaking, it’s illegal. No offense to Michiganders, but this past Spring Break, when roughly 80% of the population of Michigan (as judged from an informal count of license plates) was heading south on I-65 through Alabama, I have never been forced to blast my horn, flash my lights, gesticulate wildly, froth at the mouth, and impugn the ancestry of so many people from a single state in my life. What’s the matter? Do they not teach you guys “drive on the right, pass on the left” up there? For God’s sake, there were even road signs every few miles that explicitly say “Slower Traffic Keep Right.” So why was I cruising up behind cars driving parallel to each other, each driving at exactly the same speed (slow as hell) and blithely ignorant of the aneurysm they were inducing in the driver immediately behind them?
Sheeeeee…
What the hell is wrong with me? I meant “…have the common decency to drive in the right lane…,” of course.
I’ve always been under the impression that people do that to “play vigilante” and thwart my attempt to break the law as such.
The Batmobile is now a Voyager so the rest of the Justice League can fit in.
In the States, we refer to them as “&@%$1.46*” 
So?
Why didn’t you just hit your spike-droppers, flaming oil slick sprayers, minelayers, or even your smokescreen?
When will you people learn to Drive Offensively ?
Bosda, either that was a reference to Car Wars or to Autoduel, and either way, I think I love you.
Sure, that works for the tailgaters, but for the left-lane hogs and the parallel drivers, you need the front-mounted, linked VMG’s or, my fave, the “six-pack” rocket launcher!
Michigander here, and no offense taken - you’re right about MI drivers. People from all over have told me that Mich. drivers are terrible, and I will agree (except for me, of course!) Yes, people here pass on the right all the time. The rule does not seem to be “Drive on the right, pass on the left,” it instead is “Zoom in and out of lanes on your own whimsical inclinations, trying at all times to remain in the ‘faster lane’. Either lane is for passing slower cars, or, if all else fails, use the shoulder.” Seriously…I’m used to it and it still makes me crazy / scared for my life. When driving in other states I can spot a MI driver a mile away.
:ears perk up: Do I hear fellow Car Wars players?
And you’re named after a vehicle from a Steve Jackson Game that could blow away any Car Wars rig ever designed.
Been years since I played. Turret-mounted lasers on a station wagon is a favorite design. Good A.A. capabilities, too. Damn helicopters.
Man, it’s been years since I played Car Wars. And good catch, Bosda. I’ll admit that the SJ game was swimming around in my head when I chose my name, but I really chose it because it was an old football nickname. I know, I know. How prosaic.
I used to love Car Wars, and then Origin/Lord British put out the computer version, Autoduel. I bought the game on about 90 kajillion 5.25" floppies when it came out for the Commodore 64, and in spite of the ridiculous number of bugs, quickly fell in love with it too. It’s still difficult to find a quality game that gives you so much latitude and freestyle gameplay to build up your character. I enjoyed the tournament/freelance mercenary/wandering thug approach to the game. Very fun.
And Velma, I’m sure there are a number of Michigan drivers that returned from the beach (horribly sunburned, of course) who are saying, “You wouldn’t beLIEVE this asshole redneck driver in Alabama. There I was, minding my own business…”
People here in Northern Virginia do this too. I think here it’s the Gotta-get-ahead-of-everybody political culture that seeps over from DC. Or maybe people think like my ex-fiance, who preferred to pass on the right, even if the left lane was available, on the theory that he was more likely to get a ticket in the left lane. I don’t know if he was right, but it was maddening.
oooooh, Geobabe I HATE that! Passing on the right when the left lane is open… just makes me want to floor it and make sure you can’t pass me. Hate it, hate it, hate it!!!
I’ll go over here now, and try to not hyperventilate.
God bless you for having the good sense not to slam on your brakes.
[RANT]I am a reformed psychodriver. I was the tailgater, the screamer, etc. It would drive me nuts when someone in front of me would slam on their brakes. I understand that is part of the reason one does it, but it only made me madder and do more aggressive things. In addition, you could get yourself killed. The person who hits you is responsible for the damage he does to your car, but not forever. Once a car’s been hit, it is never quite the same. You will have a lifetime of repairs that the asshole who hit you is not going to pay for. It is so much safer to just pull over, or failing that, just slow down slowly. That keeps tempers from exploding, and he will eventually try to get around you.
[/RANT]
[RANT] Oh, and don’t make eye contact. Don’t smile and wave, Don’t acknowledge the crazy driver in any way. Just look straight ahead.[/RANT]