I have several outstanding “friend” requests. Mostly from Public High School friends. It gives me angst: 1)there’s a single woman I’d pursue 2)I assume I’m more memorable than I appearantly am.
I’m not sure what you are saying. Are you upset that only high school friends are adding you, although you’ve been out of high school for a while, and made further friends? Well, a lot of people who have been on Facebook for a while stop actively looking for anyone.
Or is your problem that you’ve sent a lot of requests to high school friends, but not gotten any takers? Well, make sure you have an old picture they can see, and do realize that a lot of people don’t really use their Facebook. And don’t be afraid to ask multiple times. Unless you’ve pestered them a lot already, chances are that, if you can’t send another request, they haven’t seen your first one.
And don’t be afraid to throw a message in with your request explaining how you know the people. Sometimes it takes more than just a face and a name to jog people’s memories.
As for the single woman–if she doesn’t remember you, she may think you are just some stranger trying to hit her up. Again, try to give some context. A simple message like “Hey, I haven’t seen you since [memorable thing she did in high school]. How are you doing these days?” would probably work.
It’s only about a handful. My angst is (largely) a side effect of being single (and disabled). I also don’t want ot come off needy/pushy. Yeah, totally Mundane and Pointless.
Have you been out of high school for a long time? If someone from my distant past (or school past in general) sent me a friend request, I’d likely ignore it. I hear I’m sort of cold and heartless when it comes to facebook, though, what with my (gasp!) de-friending people rather than hiding them. Maybe your “friends” are the same way.
Platypus: next year will be 15 years.
Your attitude is unfortunately frequent. When you unfriend someone, you are cutting off all contact they have with you, and not even having the grace to let them know you are doing it. It would be the same as making a bunch of friends, and then suddenly running away from home, without providing any way to be contacted. Of course people are going to be insulted.
I prefer to think of it as “they have a life”. (i.e. NOT rejecting me, just not acting on request) Though I DO have someone who “defriended” me for being too pushy pursuing her (I assume).
:dubious: Most of my “friends” on Facebook are people I am acquainted with, not actual close friends with. I doubt most of them would notice if I defriended them. I think this is standard for most people on Facebook.
The first rule of responsible Facebook usage is to never take anything to do with Facebook personally.
statsman: I “like” your reply.
Some people just aren’t nostalgic about their past. People from my high school have asked me to friend them but really, unless we were friends in high school, I don’t care. If I cared whether they were in my life they would be. Even people who I hung around with all the time in high school I don’t really care if I hear from them if we haven’t talked since then. There’s just too much distance now and any connection is gone. It’s like talking to complete strangers but more awkward because you feel like there should be more.
I’m about the same, I had one or two quite brutal messages sent to me after I declined a few people from high school.
I didn’t know them that well in school and I was a bit of a black sheep back then, so naturally I harbour some negative feelings towards them. I posted up their messages publicly because, well, fuck 'em eh?
And I ain’t a grudgeful kinda guy at all.
I wouldn’t sweat it. They may not even be actively using Facebook anymore, so haven’t seen your request.
I quit Facebook partly for that reason - I liken it to the Thanksgiving Dinner From Hell…people I don’t want to be in contact with, who seem to want me to be in contact with them. Got ridiculous - odd cousins, former students, high school classmates I have not seen or spoken with in decades - no thanks; just what I need, a page full of people who have nothing in common all chit-chatting about crap I have no interest in reading.
Go ahead - call me an old fart.
Fuck Facebook and the entire concept behind it.
Wanna communicate? Send me an email, or - horror of horrors - CALL ME!
BTW, quitting Facebook is like telling your cult leader you want to stop drinking the Kool-Aid…they write you an email, “are you SURE you want to quit? We will save your page when you return to us…”
I’d say they probably take the internet too seriously if they’re upset about it, assuming they noticed at all. Then again, I’ve taken on the practice of only friending people I actually see (and like talking to) in person, or relatives. When I started I accepted friend requests from people that kind of knew a mutual friend, but didn’t know me at all. I find it hard to believe they were insulted or cared at all when I unfriended them. If I ever remove an actual friend from Facebook, I’ll be seeing them in person and we can talk about it if they want to.
If people are upset about me ignoring their requests, well, too damn bad. I refuse to friend everyone that asks just so I can either read updates I don’t care about, or hide them, just to spare the feelings of near-strangers.
It’s just Facebook.
etv78–Jaysus, man. Tone it down. Says the gal who’s been worried about being a drama/thread whore herself.
I have no problem if you don’t accept me. I have a problem if you just remove me without telling me. If someone is a good enough friend to have on Facebook and chat with, they are good enough to be told what’s going on. I see no reason why Facebook should mean that common courtesy dies. If you wouldn’t do it in real life, you don’t do it there.
If you just leave Facebook, it’s not as big a deal, although it would be nice if you’d tell people. It’s specifically if you unadd. And even then, only if you’ve been communicating with the person up until that point. If it was a vanity add, then fine. (Though I’d rather be safe than sorry.)
Yeah, maybe it’s just a pet peeve of mine. I just hate wondering why I haven’t heard from a person in a week or two, and then suddenly find out it’s because they dropped me without saying a word. The only way I can find out if I did something wrong, or it was nothing personal is to search for you again. And then, unless you have a unique name, it takes forever to find you.
I especially hate it when it’s because of something I said. Have the guts to tell me what it is that bothers you, so I can maybe make it better.
I have a couple hundred facebook friends, and I ONLY friend people I specifically know and like (I never friend friends-of-friends, or some person who worked at the same company of 2,000 or whatever). I wouldn’t be able to tell if I “hadn’t heard from someone in a week” because I don’t even browse 50% of my feed (I only check it at certain times of the day, and there’s usually over 300 posts accumulated, of which I browse the first page only and ignore the rest – too much trouble). I might post on a friends page once a week (I mean, once per week, period, not once per week per friend, so maybe 1/200 of my friends gets a direct message from me per week) – 99% of my posts are broadcasts of my mundane thoughts. Defriending a person on Facebook is actually not “cutting off all communication.” It’s removing one very casual form of communication from the mix.
I think you’re taking this whole facebook thing a leeetle too personally. It’s supposed to be fun. If it isn’t, then quit.
Yeah, when I 1st joined I spent the 1st few days “friending” my HS graduating class. I conceed I have a “Attention Whore” streak on-line.
Words to live by.