pathological liars

What suggestions re: dealing with a family member who is a ‘pathological liar’ ?
This individual is a control-freak and has caused many family problems over the years. It is not possible to ignore this behavior as we have a large family and it effects us all in a very negative, damaging way. I recently confronted the situation after years of putting up with it (to keep the peace) but I got pushed around one time too many and finally blew! Some of my siblings are in the employ of this person and do not want to risk their jobs so they pretend it is not as bad as it really is. Any words of wisdom?

Anonymity. Start writing down all the instances of dishonesty and damaging behavior, write it up as a report, print it out, and leave it on that person’s bed or desk or something.

If nothing happens, keep writing the reports. At the very least, it’ll give you a way to vent.

If you feel the need to confront her, then I would not drag your other family members who work for her into your battle. If you can prove that she has lied directly to you and caused you harm, then you have the right to speak to her about it. But don’t bring others into your fight.

I think we need a little bit more info. What does she lie about? What was the confrontation, and how did it come about? What was the outcome?

It’s nice of you to be concerned, but your siblings are fully aware of this person’s problem and choose to ignore or put up with it. They’re on their own.

I’m moving this thread from Cafe Society to MPSIMS … a more appropriate forum, and you’ll probably get more responses.

Thanks. Yes, I see now that this spot is more appropriate for this subject. :wink:

That might work. I’ll give it a shot. Thanks.

Everytime this person speaks - there is a blatant lie being told. Specific plans to babysit someones child - then, not showing up - and saying it was never confirmed. A plan to take our Mother to a certain restaurant for an occasion - then, saying that Mom specifically mentioned wanting to go to “x” place instead. That conversation never took place! It was the liars favorite sopt! It is all about control and having her own way all the time and being right all the time.
Favorite words: “misunderstanding”, “there were grey areas”, “it was never clear to me”, “this was how I interpreted it”.

Hundreds of situations like that. Daily! (UGH!) Finally, I blew up and said that I had had enough of the lies and deception. We have barely spoken since but the lies continue and I hear about them from the other sibs. A lot!

How bizarre and upsetting. I dunno what you can do - that sort of thing probably requires treatment, and you can’t do it for 'em. I’d say just don’t rely on them for anything, don’t spend time with them, and trust your other family members to make the same decision eventually. Trying to do more than that, especially when a lot of the family isn’t behind you, is probably a real good way to create drama but not a likely solution.

That doesn’t sound like lying to me…more like selective amnesia.

Can you confirm plans via e-mail or in writing? Like, “Here, we’re trying a new restaurant, here’s the directions” or “Thanks for babysitting. Here’s the phone numbers where we can be reached.”