Okay, thems the facts, Jack. And here’s the opinion:
Fuck you. Fuck you, Rep. Pat Rooney, Sen. John Thrasher, and Gov. Rick “Voldemort” Scott. Fuck you sideways with metal golf cleats. Fuck you for coming up with one of the single most wrong-headed and offensive ideas in an already mind-blowingly sickening political season.
It’s as if they actual sat down and said, “Hey! Let’s come up with a way to make money off the state parks for private businesses, using state funds to do so, that primarily appeals to white, rich men. Why, that’s a capital idea!” And them I’m sure they polished their monocles, kicked a poor kid in the ass, and went off to sleep the sleep of the untroubled and completely batshit insane.
I mean, this shit is so movie-screen evil that they might as well be twirling mustaches and tying widows to the train tracks. Oh, wait, they can’t do the last bit - the Gov made sure of that.
Burn in hell, you thieving bastards. We may have no unions, shitty mental health care, lackluster schools, the blight that is Disney, and enough mosquitoes to carry off the White House, but at least we have some of the most beautiful (and well used!) state parks in the country. And they belong to us, and they should be passed down to our children. And once you shitslurping dirtweasels destroy them, we won’t even have that.
Fuck you. Get the hell out of our state.