For the past week, I have been without my meds. As some of your are probably aware, I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 18, and since then, I have been on Paxil to treat it. (I’m 24 now). I only take about sixty miligrams a day-I believe that’s fairly low, isn’t it?
Well, for some reason, my doctor hasn’t sent my refill to the pharmacy. No matter, I thought it would just take a day or so. In the past, at times, he wanted an appointment to check up on me, before writing me my scrip.
But now, despite repeated messages sent through his answering service, despite telling them it was an emergency, he has not sent in my scrip to the pharmacy. Luckily, they were able to give me three pills (I take forty milligram pills and cut one in half to make sixty), so I cut those in half, and have been taking a half each day to cut the edge off of the withdrawal symptoms. I’m cranky, my head hearts, I want to sleep all the time but I’m also jittery and nervous, mood swings and I’m about as cordial as a rattlesnake with the shits.
This has not been a good year for me-I’m unemployed and the job hunt so far hasn’t been very successfull, especially because of all the god forsaken snow that has kept me home a lot because the roads have been so bad. My family is also hurting as well.
But I don’t need this. My GOD, I don’t need this. I can’t go to another doctor right now-I’m uninsuranced and I’m lucky beyond belief that my meds are covered by my father’s insurance.
Fuck this shit. I’m not good for anything right now. How am I supposed to hunt a job if I’m going through mood swings as bad as I am?
(I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m whining, but dammit, they tell you not to quit your meds cold turkey when you DON’T want to take them anymore. For someone who is still on them, and not supposed to quit, this is very bad).