Honestly I don’t get cowgirl’s sentiment! I go out to eat to relax and enjoy my day. The bill comes at the end of the meal for a reason. IMO the bill - and paying for it - should be almost completely painless…CC should be whisked away and returned quickly, with minimal fuss. I don’t particularly want to think about money at that point.
I do NOT want to be annoyed or hit up for money to support someone or something I don’t even know. I don’t really care if they are poor. I work at a charity. I give my meager charity dollars to whom and when I choose. I don’t want to be badgered or embarrassed into it. I almost never give money without having thoroughly researched where it goes. That’s right, I never give to homeless people. Homeless shelters on the other hand, are a different story.
A club would be a whole different setting but I want my nice restaurant dinner private and quiet. I am VERY glad they don’t do this much in the States.
Cowgirl I like you a lot but I’ll thank you not to assume what I am thinking when I reject buying a flower from someone like this. I am not rejecting them because of who they are or looking down upon them, I am rejecting them because I find it an annoying, intrusive habit and don’t want to encourage it.
Like I say, I’ve seen this for years, and although I buy the flowers, I hardly ever see anyone else do it. Generally people just politely refuse, and the vender goes on to the next table, and finally on to the next restaurant. It’s never seemed like a big deal, and I had no idea it caused anybody stress.
Honestly it just seems like everywhere you go someone’s asking for your money. Someone that hasn’t done a damn thing to earn it. I can put up with it only so far. I hate being stopped at lights in towns I don’t go to very often to give money, for example. I’d rather give to my local fire dept. I just get tired of seeing the whole world with their hand outstretched.
As for how I treat the guy - around here I’d probably be totally taken aback. I’m surprised any of the restaurants around here would even allow some random guy off the street to come in and just start asking for money anyway.
That bears repeating. The"attitude" being displayed here is not one of disgust with the homeless, it’s about having your dinner interrupted for a little extortion. First dates especially are delicate times, and it’s nice to have a little control over your environment. The outcome of the situation may tell your date “He’s skeevy” or “He’s cheap.” When I’m on a date, I want to present myself the way I want to present myself. I don’t want some salesperson forcing my hand.
That is the way I see it too. It is basically the same thing as having someone walking around selling life insurance while people are eating in a nice restaurant. Crappy flowers don’t have any obvious connection to a nice meal. The male and female could be brother and sister or, even worse, a female boss taking her subordinate out to discuss something. I have no idea why restaurant owners anywhere would allow such a thing or their property and the restaurants I frequent certainly don’t.
I don’t know where the faux outrage comes from on the other side. It is the same thing as telemarketing only worse because you are paying for an experience and someone is brazen enough to interrupt it for no reason.
A few nights a week I dine with my male roommate. Being young and carefree, we sometimes go to “nice” places, and on occasion we have been approached by flower vendors (though not always; the way we kick each other under the table must be a giveaway we’re not dating :D). While a flower from anyone would brighten my day, I don’t care for the intrusion on our meal, and I don’t care for the presumption that because we’re an opposite-sex pair at a table, we must be romantically involved. My roomie and I both have SOs.
That pesky assumption aside, I just find it rude for a third party to interrupt people’s meals like that. I may be dining in a public restaurant, but that doesn’t mean I want to see someone trying to sell me something. I’m eating, ferchrissakes.
I, too, would not be particularly fond of being interrupted at my meal. I’d react differently depending upon the circumstances, though.
If the meal were of an expensive, very romantic, private matter, I prefer NO interruption, even by the wandering violin player. I want to focus all my attention on my partner. I’d probably politely thank them away, then mention it to the waiter or maitre d’ that it was an unwelcome intrusion. As was pointed out by bec, most of these people in the US are working for the restaurant.
On the other hand, if it were more casual dining (and I were drunker) I might go ahead and buy the half-dead tulip on a whim, and probably make some big show of presenting it to my partner (just to her, not to the whole restaurant).
More than anything, it’s a momentary inconvenience. If your partner thinks less of you for reacting in either way, I’d say it’s time for another partner.
Bec, if the meal gets ruined for you, I’ll make the restaurant pay for the meal!
Well, 25 yrs ago, when I was a university student I sold flowers exactly as described in the OP. Mostly on corners, on the mean streets of Toronto , but in restaurants and pubs whenever they would let me in.
I made pretty good money. It was my second job and many weeks it paid better than my other job waiting tables. It was a ton of fun, and no one seemed offended. Somewhere in my album is a very old grainey photo I think.
There were a dozen girls, we all worked for the same guy who drove around in a van with two big dogs bringing us more flowers (strictly roses for us) throughout the night.
You got to know everybody on the street; cops, Hare Krishnas, homeless, drunks. It was a community like any other really, everybody watched out for everybody else.
You know I’d entirely forgotten about those times, thanks for the reminder, brought a smile to my face.
The only time I have ever seen this done it has been by crackheads or other undesirables, and it has been fairly clear that the flowers were stolen from a sidewalk display.
I hate this, and I hate it even worse when people support it. Last year I was trying to enjoy my meal and some clueless idiot bought flowers from one such enterprising fellow, who wouldn’t leave afterwards.
I get much more fascist as I age. I think these people should be beaten about the head and shoulders with anything that happens to be handy. They interfere with my digestion.
This was a fairly standard feature of going out for a meal when I lived in Paris. I never once bought a flower. If I was out with a woman on a date, it was with my live-in girlfriend, and she clearly stated she didn’t care for flowers with meals.
Otherwise, these were just recent immigrants trying to make a buck (or franc, at the time). I’d just say no, politely in nearly all cases, and they’d move on. Occasionally one wouldn’t take no for an answer, or so they thought, because anyone who tried a hard sell tactic would guarantee themselves no sale to me, no matter what they did.
Huh, Vancouver’s such a whole different world, sometimes. The people I’ve seen doing it ( Ontario and Saskatchewan, can’t remember offhand if I’ve seen it elsewhere) have always been clean and polite, and only one person has had the right to peddle in any particular restaurant. No hard sell, no big deal. I’ve sometimes wondered how they sold enough to make it worth while for anyone to do it, even at the somewhat exaggerated prices.
Restaurants that allow this should not expect repeat customers. It’s rude on the part of management to subject their patrons to what amounts to a scam.
I tell you what I have done (multiple times) in this situation:
I tell the flowerseller: “Ewww… that’s my sister! I’m not buying her a flower!” And look as disgusted as I can possibly look.
They can usually tell I’m joking, and they go ahead and laugh with me. The girls usually laugh too (they’re in on the joke, see, because they’re not really my sister). And I laugh with delight because I have just shown my date that I am a classy gentleman with a rapist wit (sic)!
Ah, another former flower seller here. I cannot believe what you people think of me. I’m a gypsie, a crackhead, or a crone? Get a grip.
The deal here is that the flowers are overpriced and probably won’t last, but also you don’t have to buy them. I had permission from every restaurant/bar I went into, and I had repeat customers and other people who said “Where were you last night?” I had a beat, of sort.
I had to dress the same way the patrons of the establishment were expected to dress, in other words I couldn’t wear jeans. I had to dress up to the very best place I’d be going, which meant I was pretty dressy.
I did bug the customers, to this extent: Sometimes I would sing, “Would you like a flower, a carnation or a rose” (which was bad advertising because I wouldn’t sell carnations, but it sounded nice, or would have if I could sing–which I can’t). Otherwise I just went through the bar waving the flowers at people who were free to buy them or ignore me. I also had a few non-perishable things in my basket (teddy bears, heart charms). I didn’t stick anything in anyone’s face because I am just not confrontational. And while the bouquets were overpriced, I did drop the prices as the evening went on, and it’s not like I was standing on the freeway exit with a badly lettered cardboard sign. People who gave me money for flowers actually got flowers or teddy bears or little pumpkins or whatever.
Years later I found out it had been excellent training for doing book signings. And paid better.
That’s a little presumptuous – both assuming that all flower sellers would otherwise be dying on the street and that anyone who doesn’t want to be interrupted during dinner is callous.
I’ve had someone buy me flowers in situations similar to that a few times. I’ve sold flowers (in Catalonia it’s customary to buy red flowers for the ladies in your life on St. George’s feast; many students sell them as a way to get funds for the student coop). I’ve also had someone ask whether I wanted the flowers, taken a look and said “no, they’re wilted.” And I’ve said “thank you, no” to sellers who offered them directly to me.
You can buy me flowers or not, but if you do they should look good, and whether you buy or not you should treat the seller like a human being. Selling on your feet instead of in an interflora-associated store doesn’t mean you don’t shower. I’ll assume that a guy who grunts at the seller would also grunt at me if he was displeased with me. If I want someone to grunt at me, I’ll buy a pig.
