Well here we are enjoying a meal at some restaurant with my brand new date (female) .
Out of nowhere comes a guy offering to buy a bunch of overpriced flowers …" for the lady "
if do actually buy it his extortion did work
besides she might think that I only buy flowers for her after somebody reminds/encourages me
if I don’t, she might think … whatever a women might think in this situation.
What should I do?
politely reject the offer and risk looking like a jock
buy the flowers and risk looking like a wuss ?
What do you guys do in this situation?
Ladies, what would you like your partner to do?
It was my first ( blind) date with this woman btw (if it’s relevant)
Um…I think the guy selling you flowers was a jerk of the highest degree! At least let me eat my meal in peace.
No, don’t buy flowers in that situation. If she looks dissappointed (but doesn’t whine) better to buy her flowers a day or two later, spontaneously. If she whines - well I’m a girl but if I was a guy I wouldn’t be with a girl who whined in that situation.
Most girls aren’t huge fans of the ugly, overpriced, and usually food-colored carnations. Or the creepy old gypsies who tend to sell them, especially when they intrude on intimate dinners. Buy one as a lark if she really seems to want one (probably while drunk), otherwise refuse politely. Then send her some decent flowers at some other point.
What a horrible thing. I’d complain to the restaurant.
As a female, I’d immediately feel horrible for the man I was with if he were put into this situation. I’d feel bad if he bought the flower, because I would feel like he felt he had to, and I would probably feel a little hurt if he didn’t. A lose lose situation that would totally ruin a happy meal out for me.
Was this in Europe by chance? I have never seen that in the U.S. but it is common for gypsies to just wander and sell where they choose in Europe.
A female friend had the best reply at this huge group dinner in Italy. She somehow got the guy to come close to her and then she instantly turned around, screamed, and showed her hands as talons right next to his face. We all got a big kick out of it and the guy couldn’t help but leaugh as well.
Every person I have seen selling flowers in restaurants is a person who has chosen that profession over starving. Do you think they’re doing it for the glamour? The riches? The excitement? The fulfillment?
Are they causing a scene, or otherwise doing anything more than causing you a momentary twang of discomfort?
Nobody is doing it expressly to interrupt your dinner, they are doing it to eke out a living in this “free market economy” that supposedly values and rewards hard work - except, it seems, when it interrupts your dinner.
If I were in this situation, and I heard a reaction like this from my date, I would walk out and not look back.
In answer to the OP: you can buy me the flower or not, that doesn’t matter to me nearly so much as the attitude with which you approach the seller.
**cowgirl ** your last comment about attitude is very useful, as for the rest I just didn’t get it … so if the seller is starving it’s ok for him to put me in an embarrassing situation ? anything goes, right?
Is this such a bizarre thing, that so many people seem amazed by it? I’ve had this happen in bars and restaurants all over Canada for years. I always buy the lady a flower, regardless of our relationship, and if I’m with two women, I buy them both flowers. Never had a complaint.
I see this all of the time, and I have never once bought the flower. Admittedly I see this more often at clubs, and many of my female friends have expressed the sentiment of not wanting the flower as they have nowhere to put them. Flowers are great when they express a true sentiment (friendship/love/sex/whatever) so long as they can be sniffed, admired and immediately placed in a vase.
Why is it embarrassing? I have often been approached by poor people trying to sell me crap I don’t want, so they can scrape out a living, and I’ve never been embarrassed about it.
I just don’t see why it’s worth getting het up about, a simple “No thank you” will resolve the situation to everyone’s satisfaction.
I am really surprised and somewhat sickened by the negative attitudes shown in this thread. It is an inescapable fact that some people (yes, Dopers, even people in your city) are extremely poor.
They are criticized for taking welfare. They are criticized for asking for money from you on the street. Many (if not most) would take any job available to them, but for most of the people I’ve seen selling flowers in restaurants, there are no jobs available to them.
(Free market at work, remember? If there were better jobs available, they would take them.)
So they take the only opportunity they’ve got to make a buck, and for that they get figuratively spat upon because they make us momentarily uncomfortable.
I’m about the farthest thing from being Christian, but in cases like this even I am prompted to wonder “What would Jesus do?”
Is there a religion or worldview that doesn’t include some variation of “treat others how you would like to be treated if you were in their situation”? How can someone justify being embarrassed or upset over such a thing?
I agree. I like “spur of the moment” flowers, even if they’re cheap and won’t last a day. They’re usually only a dollar. Plus I like the idea of helping out the poor schmuck selling them, since there’s a lot shittier things they could be doing than selling flowers. They’re always thankful.
I really don’t see how being offered a flower for sale could be embarrassing. It’s not a big deal to say no thanks, but I think getting upset about it reflects poorly on a person. It’s not on par as a guy begging for spare change.
And the tamale guy who comes around to bars is always welcome.
You’re right that it’s a quandary, especially since it’s a first date. I like the corny flowers but I would feel awkward about getting one from a guy I just met. You probably need to know a little something about her to know if she would want that kind of thing, and it looks like you didn’t. That’s difficult.
I guess I’d just go with whatever feels natural to you (if anything does). A first date who would get upset at not being bought a flower from a street person seems a little high-maintenance to me, as would somebody who’d put too much stock in receiving a flower. It’s just a flower, nice but not a sweeping romantic gesture.
Where I live, the peddlers, if they were in a nice sit-down restaraunt would NOT be independent contractors like a street peddler “trying not to starve”. They’d be people that work for the restaraunt. The method used in the OP was a slimey high-pressure sales tactic designed to make the guy look bad if he did not buy the flower. As such, I’d complain discreetly.
Street peddlers are different. I expect to be approached on the street for such things and am better prepared to deal with it. In that case I might buy and I might not.
I haven’t seen it in the US, but it’s happened to me in Australia.
I’m not sure that I see the problem, even if you are on a first date. You can choose not to buy a flower, politely, and that should embarrass no one. Or you can buy one, if you think your companion would like one. It’s up to you. (For the record, I don’t think I’ve ever bought a flower in that situation.)