There is a nice little Thai place where I often go for lunch. The other day I noticed this very cute woman dining alone. I know the head waiter very well, and was going to ask him if he knew her (since he knows a majority of the people who eat there), but didn’t get the chance. I brought it up to him in passing today, and he said that next time I could pay for her meal and he would give her my phone number.
I’ve heard of folks doing stuff like this, but it seems a little off to me. What do you all think? Is it straight up creepy, is it innocuous but ineffective (i.e., no woman would ever call a guy under those circumstances even if she wasn’t exactly freaked), or is it a sweet idea?
The older I get, the more inclined I am to say, why the hell not? If she digs it, you may get a date. If not, she’s a stranger and what’s the worst that can happen?
Let me make sure I understand the situation before I vote.
The next time she’s there, but you’re not, the waiter says “Your meal is on this guy named StusBlues who saw you here once and thinks you’re cute”? Yeah, creepy, and kinda stalkerish. Don’t do this.
The next time you both happen to be there, the waiter plays matchmaker and allows you to buy her dinner? Not so creepy. Kind of sweet. No telling if it will lead to anything, but it’s one of those things you’ll never know until you go for it!
Honestly, this sounds like something that works only in the movies. If you are determined to make contact with her, I would suggest just sending your phone number and message with the waiter – don’t pay for her meal.
If this were me and I were eating alone and a stranger paid for my meal, I would worry that he expected me to return his attentions regardless of my own feelings, because now I owe him. That’s not a comfortable position to be in.
Yeah, don’t pay. that’s a priviledge for the man she has agreed to go on a date with. An independent woman might be offended by it.
Send over a flower, with a note, and a shy wave/nod. And don’t le tthe waiter do your asking for you, that’s childish. Just ask him to carry the ntoe which you will have slaved over in advance.
Don’t do it, especially if she is a regular there. If she is creeped out she may not want to go back, knowing that a creepy guy may be there watching her. Don’t ruin the place for her.
Why can’t you just say hello when you see her? Right now, all you know is that she’s cute. You haven’t given her a chance to know even that little about you. Why would she call a complete stranger who doesn’t have the guts to introduce himself?
I don’t think it’s necessarily creepy, but I don’t think it’s really a good idea either. That is, if it’s something you’d do, then if she’s someone you’d get along with, then it may not be a big deal, but it’s probably not going to work as well as just going and talking to her.
For one thing, she may not even be single. I have where I shop or eat frequently enough that they know me, but I don’t necessarily discuss my personal life with them.
That was sort of my thinking, too. No way I’d do it, to be honest.
Right now, this Thai place is showing Euro 2012, and she seemed very interested. The place is pretty small, so it wouldn’t be difficult to strike up a conversation during a high point of the match. I could also wrangle an intro from the head waiter if the opportunity presents itself; he knows us both pretty well (i.e., he is quite certain she’s single).
There’s no way in hell I’d call a guy that did this, whether he was in the restaurant at the time or not. It’s an exceedingly strange thing to do, and would lead me to believe he had no social skills whatsoever. If you’re both in the restaurant at the same time again, go and talk to her to see if she’s someone you’d actually want to go out with. You probably can’t tell that just by looking at her.
When I was an undergrad I used to stop at a 7-11 on my way home to grab a drink and then head to my apartment. One day the clerk (a girl) said to me “Have you ever noticed that older guy who is here chatting with me in the evenings?” “No, I haven’t.” “Oh, he thinks you’re really cute.”
What was I supposed to say to that? Some guy I don’t remember told her to tell me he thought I was cute? Being 20 and not knowing what to say I just went “Ok. Have a good night.” Two nights later I stop and the clerk reaches under the counter and brings out a vase with flowers. “He left these for you. Glad you came in tonight. He left them last night. I thought they’d wilt!”
When I told her I wasn’t taking them she seemed a little put out and said “Well, what do you want me to tell him?” I told her to tell him that I don’t know him and don’t want flowers from him. Forget that I had a boyfriend, I didn’t need to justify my reasons or explain myself any more than “No.”
A couple of days later I stop and while getting my drink this guy wanders over and says “Hi. You didn’t want my flowers?” I said no and went immediately to pay. He followed me doing the “What’s your name? In a hurry?” and I ignored him. On the way out I noticed the florist delivery truck in the parking lot. DING! I remembered it was the same florist as the card on the flowers I briefly saw and figured he must work for them. I stopped going there when that truck was in the parking lot. When I went back one night it wasn’t there the clerk told me I didn’t have to be so rude to him, that he was a nice guy. I never went back.
Now, I’m not saying the OP would be as clueless and persistent as this guy, but it does seem kind of a strange gesture considering he hasn’t spoken word one to her and, as Gus Gusterson wisely pointed out, all he knows about her is that she’s cute.
I vote not to do it although I wouldn’t classify it as that ol overused word creepy.
Seriously, I think the timbre of this thread has convinced me that my first reaction was a good one. To reiterate, it wasn’t my idea; it was the head waiter’s. He’s a good guy, but he’s been married a loooong time…
ETA: Astroboy, I was sitting behind her. Thanks for the tip–will try that next time.
Not really the same thing. When you go to a bar, you are more open to meeting strangers. When you are having dinner, you are probably not.
Unless you are really good looking, its probably gonna come off a little bit creepy.
If the waiter is Thai it might explain why he offered to act as a go between. In at least two Asian countries I can think of, it is not unusual for waiters to act as go betweens at night clubs and bars. Maybe its common in restaurants in some places.
For me it doesn’t rise to creepy because I’ve experience (myself and my friends) some TRUE creepy behavior and I can’t help but use those experiences to compare it with a waiter saying “That gentleman has bought your dinner and would like to give you his number.”
For me that’s more awkward than creepy and more on par (as someone else mentioned) to a guy trying to buy you a drink at a bar. I realize it’s not quite the same because (right or wrong) guys buying drinks for girls is more commonplace, but close enough in my mind. In that case I can tell the waiter “No thank you” and just pay my own bill. No harm done.
