I basically have no standards, “alive and outwardly female” is all it really takes, and you’ve hit two out of two, baby!
I have no real interest in your individual attributes. You could be a blathering idiot who can’t string two words together, and I wouldn’t really care as long as you look like that! How’s that for love?
I totally do this all the time.
Somewhere along the line I learned that I have to pull out all of the stops on a first encounter. That’s probably because there is something deeply wrong with me that is going to quickly become apparent unless I dazzle you. Let’s order champagne!
I don’t respect you enough to give you the chance to evaluate your interest in me. I’ve already decided on you, so why do you really need to know anything about me? This isn’t about you, after all.
Have a conversation. It’s not just for you- it’s respectful towards her. It gives her a chance to see if she feels any connection to you, and gives her some idea that she isn’t just a warm body to you. It doesn’t need to be much more than:
“I’ve seen you here before. It’s pretty good? You should try to Vietnamese place up the street- best pho ever. Any chance I could get your number? We could grab dinner one day.”
She’ll know what you are doing and express interest or disinterest appropriately. Girls, especially attractive girls, are used to being chatted up and won’t think twice about it.
I agree it’s more awkward than creepy. Creepy makes me think this creeper is somehow deranged and possibly dangerous. Awkward makes me think this person lacks some social skills. Either one is no good for getting dates.
If you do want to talk to her or ask her out face to face the next time you are dining there at the same time as her, try and do so at the end of her meal so that if she declines she won’t have to finish her meal awkwardly after the encounter.
Also, sitting behind her is a good move for reasons other than flicking rice at her - you’ll come off as less “threatening” if you give her the ability to turn back around and away from you if she doesn’t want to talk. If you approach her from the front, she won’t have an easy escape and may become more defensive.
Keep in mind, I haven’t asked a girl out in many many years so I could be way off.
I’m cute; just because you agree doesn’t mean I want to get to know you better. There’s got to be conversation/actual human interaction in order for both parties to gauge interest.
It’s useful to have a realistic grasp of your own strengths and weaknesses. It would be false modesty to claim I wasn’t of above-average physical attractiveness.
Useful to be sure, but looks are subjective and what is attractive to one isn’t so much to another so for me that’s a dicey thing to bank on, obviously YMMV. I’ve often seen you mention your attractiveness so it does appear you consider it a strength.
I know you’ve already had your question answered, but I want to point out that buying the food probably wouldn’t give you a different result anyway. When the waiter said “this cat paid for your food,” you’d be in the room, yes? So she’d have to look around and figure out which one’s you, at which point she’d have to decide whether she’s interested in you or not. Same as if you just walked up and asked her if she likes ice cream. Only she’d be trying to do so on the spot with the knowledge that you covertly arranged to pay for her meal while you were sitting like eight feet away, having never spoken to her, which is a little more pressure. Either way, you’re out the ten bucks, and either way, you still have to come up with something to say to her to put her at ease about the fact that – surprise! – it’s game time! Whereas if you just talk to her about the soccer, all you’re doing is talking about what’s on TV that second. She doesn’t have to know you’ve been building up to it.
Basically, since the outcome wouldn’t be affected in other scenarios whether you bought her lunch or not, the one you come out ahead on is that little sliver of pie on the chart where she wouldn’t be interested in you if you didn’t ninja-treat her to some noodles, but would be interested in you if you did. And you’d still lose in that case, since she’d be kind of a bad person.
IMO the only girl who would be interested in someone after receiving such an overture would be a gold digger/future trophy wife. If you’ll pay for dinner without even talking to her, imagine what she can get out of you in exchange for sex!
I’m leaning towards not doing this. Not using the waiter as a go-between and especially not paying for her meal.
The former is awkward because his involvement might pressure her to behave in ways that go counter to her instincts. You don’t want her to say “yes” just she has an audience (the waiter). And you don’t want her to say “no” just because of the weirdness of having a go-between (“My friend thinks you’re cute” is so eighth-graders-at-the-mall).
The latter is awkward because ya’ll are complete strangers. It comes across as both desperate and overly forward. And remember we’re in a day and age when lots of women don’t expect the guy to even pay for the first date.
Finally, being hit on at restaurants is a major reason many women don’t like to eat out alone. Going to a bar is different because that’s what people do at bars. But restaurants are different. If you’re a regular at this place (and the waiter acting as a “go-between” would paint this picture) then you might make the place uncomfortable for her. Bumping into a guy who’s advances I’ve turned down would make me uncomfortable.
I ran into him tonight, actually. (We’re friends outside of the restaurant setting.) I really had to work to convince him not to play matchmaker. Man, once he gets that idea in his head…
Well, yeah. It’s usually CNN, but all the guys who work there are football players, so they’re indulging themselves. This is a neighborhood place with a very loyal following, mostly in the IT community. It’s not out of place.
And, yes, she’s quite a fan. That’s really what made me a little curious, not just that she’s on the cute side. I might still finagle an introduction sometime (women often approach me in restaurants and such if I’m reading an offbeat book or something), but my interest isn’t really all that ardent. I was just batting the idea around with my waiter friend, and he came up with the whole “buy her lunch” thing. I doubt anything will come of it; I’ve met my last two girlfriends in church, fercryinoutloud.
