Creepy or not? Waiter getting someone a date.

[LurkerInNJ]

Nothing wrong with you paying for her meal (the waiter should tell her when he brings the meal) and the waiter saying compliments of the gentleman over there type of thing. If she wants to thank you and invite you to her table for coffee or dessert to say thank you and have a conversation and perhaps exchange phone numbers, great!

The creepy part is the waiter wanting to give her your phone number. If the lady wants to meet you, she will invite you to her table.

[ThelmaLou]

I’m picturing myself as the woman in that sitch, and my gut reaction is to tell you do not pay for her meal. I would not like that. Too forward, pushy, presumptuous.

I don’t think anyone has suggested this, but if I were she and dining alone, I might respond well if you caught my eye and came over and asked to join me. I eat alone often and enjoy it and don’t need to be rescued from it, but if you looked/sounded interesting, I would just as soon meet you and talk to you right then and there than have you approach me and give me your number and ask for a date at some future time. If I’m interested, I’m interested right then. DO NOT offer to pay for my meal even if I do say it’s okay to join me. If it goes well, we can exchange phone numbers at the end of the meal. We might bore the crap out of each other… or maybe not. This seems the simplest thing to me. Leave the waiter out of it.

[Maggie_the_Ocelot]

If I had that happen to me in a restaurant, my reactions would be:

1. Shock - why would someone do that for someone they don’t know?
2. Ewww - it’s creepy and kind of gross that someone has been watching me eat.
3. Absolutely declining, insisting that I pay my own bill even if he’s already paid it.
4. Never, EVER going to that restaurant again.

I don’t allow strangers to buy me drinks, why the hell would I let them buy me a meal?

[Boyo_Jim]

@Wheelz

Let me make sure I understand the situation before I vote.

The next time she’s there, but you’re not, the waiter says “Your meal is on this guy named StusBlues who saw you here once and thinks you’re cute”? Yeah, creepy, and kinda stalkerish. Don’t do this. …

This scenario didn’t even occur to me, but I agree this would be absolutely creepy.

If you are both in the restaurant at the same time, not so creepy, just gutless.

I say don’t do it. At most, have the waiter deliver her a drink that you paid for – maybe a nice cup if tea.

[Maggie_the_Ocelot]

Also, I keep thinking this reads “Walter getting someone a date” and wondering who the heck Walter is.

[Beastly_Rotter]

The big question is how much extra he ought to tip the waiter to pimp for him.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Beastly_Rotter

The big question is how much extra he ought to tip the waiter to pimp for him.

Nah, the girl pays the pimp out of whatever she collects.

[Polerius]

@StusBlues

What do you all think? Is it straight up creepy, is it innocuous but ineffective (i.e., no woman would ever call a guy under those circumstances even if she wasn’t exactly freaked), or is it a sweet idea?

Depends what you look like and/or if you are generally a desirable-to-women male.

In any case, no matter what you look like, if you do attempt this, be in the restaurant at the time.

[Frosted_Glass]

@hogarth

I wouldn’t use the word “creepy”. Maybe “awkward”.

I agree. This is really just an awkward situation to put someone in if you think about it from her side. So just talk to her.

I worked in restaurant/bars for almost a decade and I’ve seen this generally end poorly. You’re better off approaching her directly and talking about soccer.

If she is watching the games, talk to her about the matches before you actually ask for her number. You’ll at least know if she is interested after talking her for a bit.

[brickbacon]

While I agree you should not do this, there are Korean booking clubs where the waiter will bring girls you find attractive to your table (no, they are not prostitutes Your idea reminded me of them.

This is a “booking club.” People come in single sex groups and buy a table or a private room for the night; $50 for the table, $300 for the private room. That money gets you a few bottles of beer and a limpid selection of fruit, squid and crackers. Every DJ or live act plays a 20-minute set with a break for a ballad or two between. The music is a mix of Korean pop and cheesy house. Before I started, I had visions of educating the crowd, introducing them to superb music they had never heard before which still made them want to dance their tits off. I realize now how stupid that was. Male customers tip the waiters, maybe $10 a time, so they bring groups of girls over to their table and introduce them. Any woman not dancing is fair game for being “booked.” Some waiters will wheedle and charm the girls into making an introduction; some will literally grab and drag any woman they find. Girls flood the floor for every set simply so they won’t be kidnapped by a tenacious waiter. They can say “no” but they need to say it loudly, insistently and quite a few times. And that won’t stop other waiters from trying to grab you. After all, if you don’t want to get booked, why did you come to a booking club?

At first the whole thing seemed awkward and immature. I can’t imagine a situation less conducive to pleasantly meeting a girl than having her dumped in front of me, against her will, with an expectation of measuring each other up as potential sex partners. Why would you pay people just for the privilege of meeting random girls in a club? But it’s not that different from speed dating, I suppose.

Another rundown:

First a little about this South Korean cultural thing called “booking.” Basically it’s like a matchmaking service for university students or young professionals (Grace and I fall into the latter category). Women call in for table reservations and the mandatory array of side dishes (usually a fruit platter), a bucket of ice and some beer and sodas. Likewise, groups of men will reserve either a private room geared with a T.V./karaoke machine, plush seating around a large table and also the mandatory array of food and alcohol or a secluded table off the main floor. To put it bluntly, the sexes are segregated. And a dress code is required.

The young, suave waiters (no waitresses here) then play the role of match makers. Basically it works two ways. If a guy sees a woman who interests him (either via the T.V. in the private rooms with live feeds of the dance floor and the tables on the main floor where all the women sit) or from the vantage point of his strategically located table, he’ll summon the waiter to go retrieve the desired woman and bring her to him and his buddies. Or, what also happened just as frequently, a waiter will choose a particular girl and bring her to a random room that looks like it needs some female companionship and then hope for the best.

It’s a strange concept, but it seems to work for them. Apparently, Nicholas Cage met his wife at a booking club (as if you needed another reason to find him creepy). But since you are not Nick Cage (a very high compliment), I would suggest you avoid doing anything like that.

[Beastly_Rotter]

@Boyo_Jim

Nah, the girl pays the pimp out of whatever she collects.

Why do you hate tipping?

[PookahMacPhellimey]

I am a cute female football (soccer) fan who sometimes watches matches on her own.

This is probably all I have in common with this girl but FWIW here’s my perspective:

1. Don’t buy me dinner. I actually think it’s really nice when people think I’m cute, even if they haven’t as yet considered my fascinating inner life. So that’s not the problem. But having a dinner bought would make me feel indebted or obliged. Which is awkward when I haven’t decided my interest levels.

2. Do talk to me about the match. I love meeting people (male or female) and chatting. One caveat, don’t start this chat at a crucial point in the game, for example when the play is getting dangerously close to a goal.

[StusBlues]

@Beastly_Rotter

The big question is how much extra he ought to tip the waiter to pimp for him.

Lad, let’s be fair to the man. “Yente” would be a far more appropriate term.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@PookahMacPhellimey

I am a cute female football (soccer) fan who sometimes watches matches on her own.

This is probably all I have in common with this girl but FWIW here’s my perspective:

1. Don’t buy me dinner. I actually think it’s really nice when people think I’m cute, even if they haven’t as yet considered my fascinating inner life. So that’s not the problem. But having a dinner bought would make me feel indebted or obliged. Which is awkward when I haven’t decided my interest levels.

2. Do talk to me about the match. I love meeting people (male or female) and chatting. One caveat, don’t start this chat at a crucial point in the game, for example when the play is getting dangerously close to a goal.

I don’t like sports at all.

However, if I did, and a guy wanted to talk to me about a match in a restaurant, I’d probably enjoy it. Buying dinner is too much, too soon. But if a guy asked if he could sit at my table and watch the game with me, that would probably be OK.

And, in fact, if the OP gets to the restaurant first, he could ask the waiter to ask the woman if she’d like to sit with the OP…no obligation, just “he’s noticed that you’re a fan and would like to get to know you” sort of thing.

Buying someone dinner, though, would set my alarms tingling. If a guy tries to do too much at the very beginning, it’s a warning sign.

[StusBlues]

@Wheelz

Let me make sure I understand the situation before I vote.

The next time she’s there, but you’re not, the waiter says “Your meal is on this guy named StusBlues who saw you here once and thinks you’re cute”? Yeah, creepy, and kinda stalkerish. Don’t do this.

The next time you both happen to be there, the waiter plays matchmaker and allows you to buy her dinner? Not so creepy. Kind of sweet. No telling if it will lead to anything, but it’s one of those things you’ll never know until you go for it!

I was thinking the latter. Situation 1 would cross from creepy to insane IMHO.

[VinylTurnip]

@rhubarbarin

It’s useful to have a realistic grasp of your own strengths and weaknesses. It would be false modesty to claim I wasn’t of above-average physical attractiveness.

There is a third option.

[Simple_Linctus]

@rhubarbarin

You can find my photo in the SDMB Portrait Gallery. bows out

My grandmother always used to tell me that if I couldn’t think of something nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. I imagine most posters here were given a similar rule by their parents, and by and large it works.

Did you notice how, after blatantly fishing for them, you didn’t get any compliments? No one said anything, in fact.

[SecretaryofEvil]

@Little_Nemo

Rhubarbarin

@Confused dart cum

My grandmother always used to tell me that if I couldn’t think of something nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. I imagine most posters here were given a similar rule by their parents, and by and large it works.

Did you notice how, after blatantly fishing for them, you didn’t get any compliments? No one said anything, in fact.

I think she’s kind of cute. The picture is sort of from a weird angle, I suppose she could hiding something. I don’t see what the big deal with saying “I’m cute,” is. I happen to be cute as fuck myself.

[Ambivalid]

@SecretaryofEvil

I think she’s kind of cute. The picture is sort of from a weird angle, I suppose she could hiding something. I don’t see what the big deal with saying “I’m cute,” is. I happen to be cute as fuck myself.

It wasn’t just that post; she regularly posts about her ‘above-average’ attractiveness and body figure. To me, it just smacks of arrogance and vain haughtiness.
ETA: For the record, I find her ehh.

[Taomist]

The last time someone did something like that for me, it was because I apparantly looked like I was completely broke, could barely afford what little I was getting, and could really use the help. And whoever did it was absolutely right. (The fact that I was going through the want ads probably helped with that impression, but regardless, it was the right one.) Almost 30 years later I remember that as one of the first truly generous, random acts of kindness any stranger did for me, and I appreciate it.

But…

There are ways to meet cute, and if you and she really do attend that restaurant on a fairly regular basis, it’s either gonna happen or it’s not. But buying a meal out of nowhere is going to seem over the top to anyone who doesn’t really need it. Find another way.

And worst case scenario isn’t someone who LOVES that someone else will buy her stuff, but she may respond just to be polite, and then you’re spending days or weeks figuring THAT out. So, yeah. There are ways to be to the point and polite and still fun; you’ll figure one out, I’m sure.

Besides, your waiter friend probably won’t be able to keep his mouth shut; at some point he’s gonna tell the lady “Hey, there’s a regular here who thinks you’re interesting, and is wondering whether it’d be possible to meet you; are you looking to make a new acquaintance?” And Bob’s your uncle, either way.