I have a date set up in about…an hour with a girl that is in a class with me. I made reservations, told the chef to hold two plates of duck for us (he’s my buddy), and called about ten minutes ago to confirm a time. “I promised my friend I’d hang out with her tonight a week ago and completely forgot–can she come, too?”
Now, let’s just assume, hypothetically, that this isn’t a ploy for two gorgeous girls to give me the thrill of my life. In the extremely small, hypothetical circumstance that I’m not going to be double-teamed and forced to watch their hot naked bodies rub against one another, what should I do?
I had planned on paying, but now I’m not sure. Maybe she doesn’t think it’s a date? IME, the “bring a friend” thing is something girls do to provide an easy way out if the night goes sour. What happened to just having someone pretend to call in an emergency?
Maybe if I get the “it’s not a date” feel, I could just buy a bottle of wine or two and dessert. That seems like a good compromise, maybe.
How the heck do I pay for one girl and not the other? Help, guys!
You can tell her, “well, I made dinner reservations that would be really hard to change now, but she can come afterwards and have dessert/coffee/we can go out for drinks/dessert/coffee…?”
That’s a weird question to spring up on a DATE, though. How did you ask her? Did you make it seem more casual?
I did try to get a friend to come on one of my dates once because I was a little freaked (but the date already involved the guy’s girlfriend anyway so I think I come off as a little more sane in that situation).
That would’ve been a good response. I’ll keep it in mind if this happens again.
Yeah, I made it seem casual. That always makes the dates that do go off with a hitch a lot more comfortable. Maybe I just crossed the line into too casual.
I can only see this still being a date if the new girl leaves quickly, somehow. But, I don’t see how you could “treat” the one girl, and paying for both seems too desperate, I’d think. Dessert and wine sounds like a good middle ground.
Pardon the advice, especially if it doesn’t fit, but the next time you want to have dinner with this girl, don’t say dinner. Say, “date”.
Assuming this is a first date, I think I would just say “sure” and see what happens. Surely they won’t expect you to pay for the friend’s dinner. When they ask about the check, you could just point to your date and say “we’re together” implying that the friend will be on a separate check.
no way you’re expected to pay for both! by how the original date is acting, she might not even be expecting you to pay for HER. I expect someone to pay for me on a date, not a social outing where I’m bringing another person.
I would never ever ever make a date or a guy friend pay for a friend of mine who is along. If she seems to expect this of you, I would run far, far away.
I just sort of said that I understood if she had an obligation she forgot about, and was very very clear on emphasizing that if tonight is bad (subtext: you regret saying yes/ you’re a flake) that it’s no problem. But she insisted that she really wanted to, so we’ll just sort of see how it works out.
If your unable to ditch the friend then plan on paying for both although the friend will probably offer to pay for herself. Pay anyway.
If it’s a “she’s not really into you” kind of thing it’s okay, be the most gracious, magnanimous host you can be. Charming and eloquent, slightly debonair even. They’ll both be bragging on you to their friends and your potential date figures will go up exponentially.
Play it off as completely normal for you to be out with more than one girl at a time.
Or I could be entirely wrong. It’s really not my area of expertise.
It’s too late now, but when she asked about her friend I would have told her that the reservations were made for two and there were two (count 'em two) special orders waiting for us. That would have made it a little more clear that I considered it a date, I think, giving her two ways in which I respond.
Oh, I didn’t realize you had made special arrangements! I can see my friend some other time. (Translations: Now that I realize this is supposed to be a date, I’ll dump the third wheel!)
But she’s a really good friend and I don’t want to hurt her feelings and who knows when we’ll have a chance to see each other again. (Translation: I was afraid you might consider this a date, which is why I’m bringing a chaperone.)
Regardless of the outcome, you invited her out and you ordered the duck, so you have to at least offer to pay for the duck. If you still want to pursue a romantic interest in this person, you also offer to pay for her friend’s meal. Hopefully she’ll have the decency to insist on paying her own way!
Good luck, and keep in mind that I’ll be spending tonight home alone.
Actually, it’s not too late. We put it off till around 8:30-9:00. She wanted to get a couple of hours of sleep to stay out later. That either means I’m in for a long night or getting slept through. Even if it turns out she thinks I’m a terrifying date rapist and child killer by the end of the night, I don’t want to explain that I got stood up to all of my co-workers (oh, it’s the restaurant where I work. It just also happens to be one of the nicer places in town).
Run, my friend. Run fast and hard, and don’t look back.
About two decades ago, after experiencing the “my friend’s coming too!” date from hell, I said “no more”. All my date and her friend did was chat to each other, and it felt as if I was chauffeuring a night on the town for them.
Even during the times when a woman is impossibly hot, if she pulled the “can my friend come, too?” card after that experience I had, the date was off. This isn’t 1954 where you need a chaperone, and it’s an insult to you if your date uses the “all men are rapists until proven otherwise, so I need a friend along so I can stay safe” excuse.
Once you’re in a solid relationship with a woman, her friends are welcome to tag along … occasionally. Before then, no way.
I’d go with this. Ride with it and be cool about it. Maybe she just wants to show you off to her friend or something. I don’t think there’s anything about Mongo Ponton’s advice that is likely to seriously backfire, whereas game-playing, bargaining or complaining might.
I think that I’ve really just got to find some way to turn this situation into feeling like I’ve got control again. I think that’s where the panic is coming from.
Hmmmm. Part of me thinks this is a fantastic idea–make the offer, but hope she rejects. But what if I end up paying for three dinners? Then I’m not just a sucker, but I’m broke, to boot.
A lot of this is new territory for me. I’m dating different kinds of girls now that don’t belong to my traditional goofy-ass weirdo smart kid social circles. There’s new rules to learn. I never had this much trouble when I was staying within my comfort zone. But I’m gonna get this figured out, damnit.
I think the girl (she’s not acting like a lady) is rude. If you enjoy that sort of thing then continue w/ the “date” and be prepared for more manipulation.
I would have told her that I had made reservations that couldn’t be changed at this late date. She should enjoy her evening w/ her girlfriend and maybe we can try again in the future. Then throw away her number.
She wasn’t sure if you were asking her out on a date or if you saw it as a dinner between friends. So she asked if she could bring a friend to see what your intentions were, figuring you’d decline if you were looking for a date.
She realizes it’s a date and doesn’t want to date you. She’s bringing her friend to kill the romantic mood without refusing to go out with you.
She’s socially clueless. Unless her friend’s equally clueless, she’s going to realize she’s been brought into the middle of a date and feel very awkward.
She and her friend are looking for a threesome with you.