I asked a girl out on a date. She agreed (yea me!), but because of our schedules, we can’t get together until next friday.
That day a friend of mine is having a BBQ. Not a big affair. It’s just going to be him, his wife, two teenaged kids and another couple.
The thing is, I know I’d have a good time but I don’t know if that’s fair for my lady friend as she doesn’t know any of these people. That said though, she is the outgoing type and makes friends rather easily.
no, not at all tacky. you might want to have a Plan B & then just ask her if she wants to go. could be excellent.
No, that sounds fine, but obviously don’t leave her alone and go talk to the other people. And then maybe go somewhere else afterwards with just the two of you.
Leave a little early for fancy coffee somewhere, if you’re really bothered by it. But I don’t think it’s tacky, and doubt she will. Now, if after 3 dates you haven’t taken her to an actual restaurant or pay to enter event, like a movie or museum, some eyebrows may get raised. But with a good back story and a little honesty, being cheap may not prove to be a deal breaker for many women, provided you have other charms, of course!
I don’t think it’s tacky, but I wouldn’t like it, simply because there’s too much pressure of a first date AND socializing with people I don’t know. You could ask her if she would be comfortable with this as your first date. If she’s outgoing she might be fine with it.
It’s probably fine, but I’ll articulate some minor concerns.
I’m perhaps more introverted than your date, but to me it sounds a bit … intimate … for the very first date. It right away puts you in a context where the two of you are being presented to others as a couple, when in fact you’re barely just getting to know each other.
It also sort of dilutes the date, in that instead of being focused on each other and figuring out whether there’s a basis for future dating, you both are interacting with several people. She may come away from it thinking that she didn’t really get to know you well enough.
Lastly, and please don’t take this the wrong way, a first date where you don’t spend any money might raise a few doubts as to whether you’re too frugal for her. I know that’s not your intention, and I don’t mean to suggest that she’s materialistic, but this is perhaps just different enough from the standard social template of a first date that it might cross her mind.
That sounds like a terrible first date on many levels:
[ul]
[li]A first date is about establishing yourself as someone she wants to see again.[/li][li]It’s way too soon to introduce her to your friends and their families.[/li][li]It just seems lazy.[/li][li]It manages to be both too intimate and not intimate enough.[/li][li]That’s not a fund date even after many dates.[/li][/ul]
I guess those are all the levels.
Depends on how well you already know her, but probably not a great idea, IMHO.
The issue isn’t just that she won’t know this small group of people, but also that you and her won’t get a chance to really talk and get to know each other, which is what a first date should be about. A final (lesser) concern is that if it becomes clear very early on that thing won’t work, the BBQ will be hard to escape from (unlike, say, drinks somewhere) or find a distraction (movie, etc).
This would not be my choice for a first date. You really want to spend 1x1 time to get to know someone; bringing her to a place where you know all the other people and she knows no one isn’t a good venue for that.
You make some fine points here sir.
Regarding the bolded part, I wonder if this dynamic changes being that she makes more money than I do. (She really does) Shouldn’t she be buying me things? 
I think it’s odd to hang out with other friends on a first date. I wouldn’t even consider it a date, just you bringing a friend to a party. Even there’s obviously a connection, I’d still be waiting for you to suggest a night when it’s just the two of us. Or put another way – if someone asks at the party “How long have you two been dating?” then I would answer “Oh just friends”
It would be one thing to go out for dinner, and swing by this party later, at least then we’d get some time to talk one-to-one.
Those were all the points I was going to hit.
My first date with my ex-wife was a small pool party at the house of a friend of mine, and it went really well. Unfortunately.
I don’t disagree with your other points (save the lazy jab) but what’s that last one all about? 
I think it totally depends on her. The less outgoing/introverted/wallflower is going to intimidated and clam up and not have any fun at all. If you’re lucky a beer or two will loosen her up (by that I mean it’ll get her to move around and talk to people).
OTOH, the outgoing/extroverted types will have no problem at all with it and will love the company.
Some girls are going to be way too concerned about having to not only impress you, but your friends too, some are going to be thrilled to have a party to go to. Some will be worried about the ‘extra pressure’ some will consider it a relief because there’s less pressure.
Is she a ‘sit at home and watch TV/Read’ type or a ‘I’M THE LIFE OF THE PARTY’ type?
Similar story - I was invited to a pool party to be set-up with someone. Once there, it was “Hey, let’s all swim naked!” Um, OK, cool, I guess…just a litttttlllle outside my first meeting comfort zone.
I think it’s a bad idea.
I think she’ll end up feeling uncomfortable and you won’t get a second date.
I’m guessing they ment “fun” not “fund”
It is totally possible that your date would enjoy it, but I think it is a bad idea for the reasons mentioned by msmith.
I might approach it like “Well my friend is having a BBQ that day - I thought we could do [insert good date idea here] - unless you find having a BBQ with people you don’t know a good idea of a first date.”
Say it in an upbeat, joking tone - and she might actually jump at it. If she hesitates or just seems like she is doing it to please you - you have your answer.
I agree that it’s not a great choice. Just take a look at your thought process and you’ll see why- you don’t want to go because you think it’ll be a great date venue. You want to go because you don’t want to miss out on hanging out with your buds. It’s about you, not her, and that’s not a promising start. She’s going to catch on to the fact that she’s basically tagging along.
How about this, if you haven’t already told her about the BBQ.
Set up the date for coffee after work but you’ll have to cut it a bit short because of gathering you have to be at later that night.
If it’s going well then you could say “So, I’m just running to a small BBQ with a few friends, you’re welcome to come along if you want”. Then you’ve already broken the ice with her and at least know that your compatible enough that you’re not going to tear each others hair out in the first 5 minutes (in front of all your friends) or that there isn’t some other incompatibility that doesn’t come across online.
The only thing you have to be careful of is that she doesn’t feel that going out with your friends doesn’t mean you think that means going home together. You might be sure to take separate cars (“It’s only a few miles, why don’t you follow me”)
ETA, it’s funny that even sven posted that while I was typing. I was going to say “you’re welcome to tag along” instead of “you’re welcome to come along”. Maybe just skip the BBQ. If you hit it off with her, you’ll never regret it.