I know she meant fun, but who in there right mind doesn’t like a BBQ?
Okay, so it’s not ideal for a first date, but after you’ve already been dating for a while? I’m just not getting it.
Anyway, you guys make some good points. I guess I’ll opt for something that involves just the two of us.
I dd something similar, years ago, as a second date. That turned out to be too soon, for several reasons similar to those mentioned above.
After you’ve been dating for a while, a thing like this can certainly be fun, but it’s not really a date - it’s hanging out with your friends (who, by this point, would hopefully be both of your friends).
It sounds like it could be fun, but it does not sound at all like a “date.” If you care about seeing this person again, pick something less open to misinterpretation.
I like BBQs just fine. BBQs with people I don’t know? Ohhhkay. A little awkward. Only a few other people? Now I’m going to have to converse with them more deeply than say, a party with 24 people and that’s more pressure. I’m not a big outgoing person, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for anyone to feel a bit trapped at an intimate gathering like that. Find out it’s not working out between you two and she has to leave one hour in? Even more awkward. Makes her look dramatic to leave a party like that because there’s no slipping out quietly after thanking the host while everyone else is distracted in other groups; everyone will know and see her leave.
My reaction when reading the OP was, “Dear God, no!” for all of these reasons (and probably a few more). I would not go on a first date like that. I would wonder what was wrong with someone who thought a BBQ with his friends was an appropriate first date.
Note that this isn’t a BBQ with friends. It’s with 2 married couples and 2 teenagers. The conversation will either be exclusive and cut her out or be completely directed at her making it an inquisition.
Msmith saying that it won’t be fun even if you were dating is probably alluding to the fact that even if you two did hit it off and started dating exclusively, she wouldn’t necessarily like your friends.
Very bad idea for all the reasons msmith said.
Nicely put; that’s an insightful point.
Be sure to update us during the date, so we can continue to tell you everything you’re doing wrong, in real time. 
Posting before I read any of the other responses:
That’s not a tacky first date at all, but it would make me uncomfortable. First dates are where we make sure we are kind of compatible or find each other interesting. Most first dates don’t end up working out in my experience (I mean, that makes it sound like I’m Forever Alone or something, but that’s not true at all! What? It’s not! I swear! Stop looking at me like that!), so it would be super awkward to spend that time getting to know your buddies and their kids, only to know we were never going to talk again.
That’d be a fine third date or after, I think. But the first one or two needs to be you guys together, getting to know one another without outside interference.
ETA: After reading a few replies (and still being within the edit window!), I want to note: I am not introverted at all and this is still my opinion. I’m a big babbly extrovert who loves social situations.
You really need to ask her.
Is she invited to this barbecue? Or were you told you could bring a date? Because if not, regardless of how she feels about it, it’s not polite to the host. Just because a party is informal doesn’t mean you can bring someone who isn’t invited. And if you do and the host gets annoyed, that’s not going to create a good date vibe.
Should read “not a fun date”, not “not a fund date”.
One: It’s not a “jab”. Do you think taking a date to someone else’s barbeque requires a lot of thought or preparation on your part?
Two: A girl doesn’t really want to hang out with you and your friends and their SOs watching you all drink beers, tell inside jokes, and talk about the good old days or whatever. At least not until the relationship reaches a point where she feels like they are her friends too. Not so much that she doesn’t like them or couldn’t like them. But it just takes awhile for a girlfriend to feel like “one of the gang” and not like she’s just along for the ride.
Really the time to introduce someone to your friends is once you are more comfortable with each other in the relationship. She doesn’t want to be trying to figure out whether there is a second date while thinking your friends will be evaluating her. And I don’t know how much you date, but if you date a lot, there is a very good chance she might get a “here’s Shakes with another future ex-girlfriend again” vibe from your friends, whether they mean to or not.
Well, this particular guy has been my best friend for 20+ years. I don’t have to ask no more than he would have to ask me.
I do agree with what you’re saying though, just not in this instance.
Duly noted. As far as the “lazy” thing goes, I don’t know, it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to take her to a restaurant and drinks afterwords either. I assume that sounds like a more reasonable first date to you?
Good second date, bad first date.
Drop your idea like a hand grenade without a pin. Do you note how everybody (well, almost) say “…not tacky, but…”? Well, take a hint.
There are more things wrong with it than are even printed. Don’t do it, if you want your relationship to proceed further. You asked her out on a date. An evening with friends are not a date. That should be enough, right there. Had you said “Wanna go hang out at a BBQ?” to her, it would be OK.
Diss the idea of the BBQ right now. You seem to be wavering. Don’t do it! YES, IT WOULD BE TACKY! Happy now?
I’m so overwhelmed, and time would fail to go into the horrible strategic mistake you would be making. Lose it.
It mostly sounded fine to me until you described who was going to be there. I’d be a little uncomfortable having a first date with just 2 other couples at a BBQ. A larger event would be fine because I’d think it was easier to get some alone time or having a variety of people to talk to.
That small of a group would feel like an interview with the guys friends rather than a social event.
I took the hint several posts ago…
A small BBQ with close friends is not a “date”. It’s hanging out with friends. Your date will be uncomfortable.
One way of evaluating if it is a good idea is to think about whether this is something she’d want to do on her own. Dinner, show, movies - almost certainly yes. BBQ with people she doesn’t know - probably not. And you can extend this to the kind of movie to see or place to eat.