I’m going to have a very fancy dinner out for my 30th birthday, and I have a core group of people I’d like to invite. So far, there will be my husband and 3 people all from the same social circle. There’s another person from a separate social circle I’d like to invite but I don’t think I should because of her boyfriend.
She’s one of our closest friends, and we normally don’t keep anything from each other. Her boyfriend is a nice enough guy, but he’s prone to temper tantrums and is very loud. He also takes joy in having a very inappropriate sense of humor, which is usually hilarious, but the idea of having him at a fancy-ass dinner makes me cringe. My friend usually takes on his traits when they’re together (fabulously obnoxious, very witty, and very loud), but alone, she will blend in with whatever group she’s with.
In the past, I’ve mentioned the dinner in passing to my friend, but I haven’t sent out formal invites or anything. When I mentioned it to her, I honestly didn’t think about the vibe her boyfriend brings to the group.
So, my idea is to bow out and tell my friend that I wish she could come, but I could only get reservations for 6 people (it’s a private club, so this is very believable), and then do something separate with them later. However, I spoke with my husband and he feels differently. He thinks that we’re so close with our friend that we can tell her that we think her boyfriend doesn’t seem comfortable with us. We can tell her that we’d love to have her, but we don’t think her boyfriend would have a good time. I think that there’s NEVER a way to tell a girl that you think her boyfriend sucks and have the relationship stay the same. Aside from that, I think that she’ll insist that he’s totally comfortable with us, and he’d love to come.
Oh, and a quick modifier: I invited everyone, so I plan to pay for everyone. Having to pay for fewer people has a definite appeal, but I wouldn’t exclude anyone just because of money. This is a few months out, and I’ve been squirreling away money, but having to save up a little less money would be a nice bonus.
So, what say you? Should I…
a) Invite my friend and trust her to be her boyfriend’s handler?
b) Do something separately with them and make an excuse as to why they’re not invited to dinner?
c) Try to invite her sans boyfriend using my husband’s technique?
d) Stop celebrating my birthday?
e) Do something else or a combination of any of the options above?