Whatever happened to dating etiquette!!!

I have had men get on my case for not calling them and this is very early in the relationship. My response is to commiserate with their broken fingers. Whatever happened to a gentleman asking a lady out, especially when you first start dating?

I recently went out with a guy who expected me to pay for the whole date. He asked me out. The evening should have been Dutch at least. I paid for the evening and have not been out with this guy since. What a cheapskate. I have male friends who complain about paying for a date, is it me or are these guys just cheap?

Why do men think they can maul you on the first or even the second date. Whatever happened to friendship first?

Whatever happened to being on time for the date? An hour late is not polite.

I date this guy who will wait until I order and then order exactly the same thing. I guess this probably doesn’t fall under etiquette probably more under the category of slightly disturbing.

Why do guys expect to be the only one a person dates and then expect you to understand them having more than one girl friend? You want me to concentrate only on you, then you better be willing to concentrate only on me.

I know I have ranted about dating problems with men, but this is an equal opportunity rant, so fell free to add to this both men and women.

Note to moderators: I know this is not a very strong rant so if it needs to be moved, go ahead and do so.

Will someone look at my back and see if the sign says:

  1. Kick me
  2. I like losers
    or 3) Hi Opal

Up your standards.

You need to turn off the “loser magnet” switch on your brain’s control console. Any guy who would ask you out on a date and then expect you to pay is a sponge, certainly not a vertebrate of any sort. An hour late also qualifies for the “reject” hopper and polyamorous (to use that stinking bit of newspeak in public for the first time) swine are on a par with pond scum. All of this indicates that you may need to make some adjustments to the coarse-fine controls as well.

Real men never ask a woman to pay on the first date, they usually have the nerve to ask you out first too. (Although it wouldn’t hurt if women stepped up to the plate once in a while.) Unless you’re giving all the right signals you shouldn’t expect any more than a peck on the cheek after the evening’s activities.

Sorry to hear you’ve landed in the middle of the loser parade.

Whatever happened to friendship first?

It never works, at least for me. I’ve tried the “friends first” thing with all of the girls I wanted to be with, and the only thing I got in return were many female friends who weren’t interested in me. :frowning:

Hey, deb, you wanna go out? I’ll even pay, [Chef]as long as the food is fast and the hot lovin’ is sloooow.[/Chef]


If a guy is an hour late, you’ve been stood up. IMHO, this either requires lavish and durned expensive apologies over the course of at least a week(and a durned good reason), or a slap to the offender’s face.

I hope deb2world is not having second dates with these yutzes.

I can already imagine the story from the other side:

"What the hell happened with all these so called ‘modern’ women?! I mean, I’m as understanding as the next guy, but c’mon!

I recently went out with this chick. I finally asked her after a week of almost pleading with those brown bambi eyes. Well, that Thursday there wasn’t any football on anyway, so I thought, why not? Me relieved, she happy. But nooooo…
It started when I picked her up. I was slightly late, but what do you expect? I had to take a dump first and then there were some blemishes on my car. That won’t do ofcourse. You’d think she would understand, won’t you?
And then the restaurant. Her idea, ‘twas romantic’ she said. The whole fucking menu was in French! And dark as hell because of all those frigging candles everywhere. Couldn’t even look down the waitress’ cleavage! Anyway, I just waited until she ordered and then ordered the same. Nice and easy, and it makes me look like I’m showing interest in her. Bonus points!
But then, she expects me to pay for dinner! What the f…? This is Y2K missus! Equal rights? Ever heard of it? I’m not picking you up from home and pay for dinner! And then bring you home too, huh?? Yeah right… that doesn’t happen with Karen, last week’s date…
So we then head off from the restaurant, finally the night’s about to begin… She just says ‘goodbye’ to me! What’s this?? I didn’t come up from off the couch just to sit in some kind of dark food-place! I wan’t some action! At least invite me for a beer or so. We’ve been drinking wine all evening! Jeez… insensitive women… Luckily tomorrow there’s sports again…"

Anyways, I feel for you deb2world. Men are swines. Sadly, the are also oh so nice…

Nope no second dates with these guys, except for the one who orders the same thing as me, but he is on the way out. The thing is that these guys seem nice when I say yes I will go out with them. We have talked on the phone before going out. These guys are gainfully employed with good positions, seem concerned for their parents, hold a decent conversation, and have good moral values, except for the dating correctness.

You know Zenster, you say up my standards, well I consider them pretty high already (see above standards). It is just we go out on dates and rather than that nice guy I met at church and talked to on the phone, wham the loser shows up at the door.

The dude who expected me to pay for the date, I lost him immediately. I won’t even allow him in the friend category.

One thing I can count on in the SDMB is support. Thanks everyone.

Hot damn. A while back I started a thread on the who-pays-for-dates topic and was promptly flamed. See, I think that whoever asks for the first date pays for that date, and from there on out it should be an (unspoken) quid pro quo type of deal. Nothing anal, no complicated mathematic formulas to split a check, but an understanding. Sort of, “I’ll buy the next time”, if there is one. Of course, if I were a millionaire, I’d probably pay for all of them, and get box seats at Cubs games instead of terrace. After all, it’s about the company, not the money being spent, right? Luckily, my boyfriend feels the same way.

BUT – it sounds like all the guys you mentioned are real turds, Deb2World. To me, it’s all about consideration and respect, and expecting payment/sex/subservience/tolerance for tardiness all flout the rules of etiquette horribly. Better luck in the future!

I must disagree with your first point. As a guy, I would be absolutely thrilled if a girl asked me out. If she calls me up sometime, that’s good as well. I hate worrying about whether she’s interested or not. Why play games?
If she absolutely insisted on paying, I’d let her. But her asking me out does not mean that I wouldn’t pay for the date. I’d offer at the very least.

Deb, I certainly wouldn’t want to jump to conclusions here. So rather than venture a guess, I’ll ask: what is your objection to calling a guy up or asking him out on a date?

Ahh, the hassles of dating.

Zenster said:

Do you see this, my lurker friend? See?! I am not a pussy. So there.

This is why I sleep with them on the first date - if they’re losers, at least we both got something out of it; if they’re not, I’ll hear from them again.

(And if anyone decides to use this as yet another attack on my personal life and sexual habits, fair warning - you will be summarily ignored. Thank you.)



You unthinkingly spewed:

Excuse me?? From deb2world’s original post:

Which would be a dating equivalent of polyGAMY, not polyAMORY.

Notice the inequity described in deb2world’s words, He wants to be free to date multiple women, but wants her dating only him. That is indeed pond scum like behavior. This is not Polyamory. If the gentleman was polyamorous, he would be suggesting that they are BOTH able to date other people, and he would make this clear before things got romantic. Please take a gander at this site and learn about the topic before slandering it.

-Doug (who happens to be Polyamorous)


“Umm…you keep your money where?!”

Is it possible that he was going to choose something else but, when you ordered, discovered that it would be impossible to find a wine to go with what you were having and what he was having?

What ever happened to dating etiquette?

It went out with social standards. The guy is a putz. Fuck him.

Nothing “happened” to it. I like girls asking me out. I wait for that to happen. If it doesn’t, then I do ask. Big deal. Try open, equal relationships instead of old-school, antique standards.

This is insane!! HAHA, I’ve never heard of such an idiot, except for the great Jeff Spicoli(“Hey, wanna play?” ; “Sure.” ; “Got a quarter?”)

Eh, friendship is overrated, especially by those of us who get the “don’t want to ruin the friendship” gag. I’ve had enough attractive girlfriends to know that that isn’t a “polite” line. Time is of the essence.

Friendship is important to me, of course, but it should be clear from the beginning, or at least nicely ambiguous, that friendship isn’t the whole order.

THAT said, I hate “dating” and must confess I’m not even sure what a “date” is. I like just hanging out at the house, watching TV or movies, going out to get ripped then bullshit about philosophy…etc. The “date” as it seems to be commonly understood is totally alien to me.

Fuck it. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Actually I do not mind calling a guy and suggesting we do something, what I object to is being lectured for not calling them. This might sound old fashioned, but a man should call a woman especially at the start of a relationship because I think this is one of the clues to the character of a man. Does he have courtesy or in other words did his momma raise him right. I guess I am looking for a strong person who can be the leader. I am not attracted to wimp (yes I have dated a few, but who hasn’t). Now, if he gets my answering machine I will call him back. If I have an activity that the gentleman would probably be interested in I will call and suggest he go and I will even pick up the tab.

friedo wanted to thank you for the smile your post gave me. You are a man after my own heart with the South Park quote.

Gundy my opinion of who should pay is that a man picks up the tab most of the time while the woman treats sometime. If either party wants, a home cooked meal is just fine especially for those with low paying jobs. FYI, when I pick up the tab I make sure the date is not a cheap one.

Aghris is that what the guys are thinking, I always wanted to know :wink:

TomH No I wish it was as simple as that but as I do not drink this is not about the correct wine. I have tried when he asks me what I am ordering to get him to make a decision by asking him what he is getting. He presses me for what I will be getting and then orders the same thing. It is very disconcerting. I have tried to reason why he would be doing this and cannot come up with an answer except maybe he thinks it is polite to order the same thing as his date or else is unable to make a decision.

I guess what frustrate me is that I do not play games. I am honest in the relationship and do not lie. I expect to be treated with respect and will thus treat him with respect. I have a full life but enjoy have the company of a gentleman.

aynrandlover Oh my. You are missing out on one of the joys in life. Intimacy with friendship is exciting, fun, and just something you don’t want to miss. Actually IMO, you cannot have intimacy without friendship or what you end up getting is just sex that is not truly satisfying.

About the women who have given you that “don’t want to ruin a good friendship” were you seeing them as friends or were you in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? I don’t want to presume, but it sounds like maybe the signals were crossed. I personally like to establish at the start which kind of relationship I am having with the other person.

But before listening to me, you might want to go to the top and reread my original post, my track record lately has been <insert negative word here>. :wink:

No attack here, Spree, this is plain common sense. Ya gotta find out whether or not it’s worth going on a second date!! [sub]I am sooo never gonna get lucky with any Doper chicks[/sub]