This reminds me of the old Varsity Theater in Honolulu. It was torn down a few years ago, but it was a very popular two-screen cinema near the U of Hawaii campus. Often screened indie fare – we watched the German Oscar-nominee Downfall during our 2005 visit there – and so had a popular following. One of those places where the same employees worked year after year. The local newspaper did a Features piece on it. One ticket taker/usher said he knew one regular customer had lost his wife some years back, and he thought this other lady customer and would be a good match for the widower, so he took it upon himself to introduce them. They eventually got married.
It was razed due to structural damage. There was a movement to declare it a local landmark, but the repair work just to keep it from falling down was cost-prohibitive.
As someone who has been put in a similar position as the scenario involving the woman in the OP, I figure the way I look is the only reason male strangers who I’ve never had a conversation with will offer to buy me things, compliment me and ask for my number, etc. And it irritates me that I am judged only by the way I look on these occasions.
I’m not sure who so many people on this board are so annoyed by someone saying ‘I’m cute’, but I sure do hope I get pitted for it.
Seriously, leave it alone already. She is beautiful. It’s a simple reality and the insight she has to offer is valuable to many of us. False modesty would mean that those of us who appreciate her candor would lose the benefit of her perspective.
Most Americans are taught that it’s wrong for a beautiful person to realize or admit that they are beaustiful. It’s enforced ignorance, and we discourage that here.
At first I was annoyed by the OP, because it seemed that he was only attracted to this woman because of her looks. But it appears now that he’s got something in common with her, a love of a sport.
Paying for her meal is out, I think. Why not approach her table, explain awkwardly that you forgot your wallet, have seen her there before, and ask if she would save your ass by paying for your meal?
Either she laughs and pays for your meal (practically guaranteeing a future meal where you pay her back) or she tells you to hit the road.
I can see you two winding up in a relationship with an awesome “how we met” story.
I don’t think StuBlues’ idea is a good one, but I do wonder about this very ungenerous interpretation.
1: Doesn’t require having no standards. Going on a first date is no big commitment. When you go on the date, you can see if the person satisfies your standards.
2: Going on a first date can allow StuBlues to find out her individual attributes. Indeed, that’s one of the most common purposes of dates.
3: How someone could tell whether or not StuBlues does this all the time is a mystery.
4: Paying for a meal isn’t “all the stops”.
5: The concept of respect is too vague. Saying “I’ve seen you here before. It’s pretty good? You should try to Vietnamese place up the street- best pho ever. Any chance I could get your number? We could grab dinner one day.”" doesn’t allow someone to evaluate interest to any signficant degree or see if one feels a connection or know anything significant about the other person.
Let’s say Stublues says “I’ve seen you here before. It’s pretty good? You should try to Vietnamese place up the street- best pho ever. Any chance I could get your number? We could grab dinner one day.”" what exactly would she know about his individual attributes based on that? What connection could she feel based on that single exchange? Why couldn’t someone who thinks of her as just a warm body say the exact same thing?
Why couldn’t someone who has no standards and isn’t interested in her individual attributes say the exact same thing?
Do you really mean that it’s annoyance-worthy to be attracted to someone only because of looks? Are you sure you mean that or do you mean something related to it but not quite it?
Because nearly all men and at least a fair number of women are capable of feeling attraction towards someone even if all they have to go on is looks. Now, if someone wanted to have a relationship only based on looks, that would be very shallow. But feeling attraction when you’ve only seen someone is annoyance-worthy? Surely you mean something else.
It would be the cuttest pitting.
I agree that offering to buy someone something at that stage is too much too soon (though it doesn’t rise to “all the stops”). However, a compliment is a common conversation opener. You say it irritates you for someone to give you a compliment when you haven’t had a conversation. When they give you a compliment, perhaps they’re trying to start a conversation.
As for asking your number, why do you think they ask for your number if not for something which involves having conversations with you?
Yes, the only thing they know about you at that point is how you look. The key term is “at that point”, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about other aspects. If they intended to have a relationship with you which is only based on how you look, that would be irritating and shallow. But why couldn’t they be trying to find out more about you after complimenting or calling you?
As someone who was extremely attractive in her youth, I found it extremely annoying when men would come up to me and want a date (or just to have sex) based on nothing more than my looks. I always felt that these guys would have been just as happy with ANY woman who looked like me, no matter what she was like as a person.
Now, the guys who spent five minutes or more chatting me up? Those were the ones who got my number. They might have been initially attracted by my looks, but they were attempting to find out what sort of person I was…and also showing me what kind of person they were.
This is why I suggested opening conversation with a comment about the sport. It’s something they have in common, something that they both enjoy.
My guess is that the 5 minute chatters were just using slightly different tactics, and you would have to say something majorly drastic or radical to turn them away. I will agree that you had a (slightly) chance to assess them in 5 minutes, but it’s a fairly rare person (in my experience at least) who can’t remain civil for 5 minutes.
Heh. You’d think that most people could remain civil for 5 minutes, especially if they are doing it in search of pussy, but you’d be wrong. A lot of guys either couldn’t or wouldn’t chitchat for that minimum amount of time.
I didn’t have a stopwatch going, but you know, it’s not like I set the bar unreasonably high. And yet a lot of guys thought that I’d hop in their car and go off to a party with them if they asked. When I didn’t, I was called a stuck up bitch.
I don’t treat men like pieces of meat, no matter how sexy I find them, and I desire the same in return. If I feel an interest in having a sexual relationship with someone initially based on the way they look (which is surely very important to me!), I first attempt to get to know who they are as a human being, beyond physical appearances. And not by being like ‘hey hottie, we should have dinner sometime’. I talk to them like they are people and try to find out more about them, to see if we can connect over something. Often, this makes it plain that looks are the only attractive thing about them to me, and this kills my interest in most cases…
Some people are more blunt, which is a strategy that can pay off - it’s just a turn off to me personally.
It goes the other way as well. I am currently dating someone who I am now, very much physically attracted to (as well as attracted for other reasons) - but I initially wasn’t so sure about that, before I decided to just give it a chance and meet up with him.
I don’t get how giving you a compliment or asking for your phone number when they only know how you look means that they’re not interested in getting to know who you are as a human being, beyond physical appearances. Giving you the compliment or asking for your number could be an opener to getting to know who you are as a human being, beyond physical appearances.
They’re certainly mutually exclusive; it’s quite possible to give a compliment or ask for a number when you only know how the other person looks and only be interested in physical appearances.
Maybe you associate them to the point of considering them synonymous because in your experience, the men who give compliments or ask for your number when they only know how you look are almost always only interested in physical appearances?
This has worked several times with friends of mine. I don’t have the balls to send my phone number to a cute guy via waiter, but not too long ago my friend did this, and it was pretty successful. The boys came to our table and chatted us up, and one asked for my number. I wasn’t interested, but still. Even so, there are some key differences here: One, we’re women, and two, we were in the restaurant at the time, so it’s not like the server went up to the men one day and said, “Hey, some woman was in here last week and thought you were cute. Here, call her.” Another friend slipped her number to a waiter last month, and now they’re screwing like rabbits. Again, she’s a good looking woman who was in the room at the time which is a little different, but having the waiter be your wingman can work and not just in bad movies.
I see what you did there.
You kill me, and are perhaps the only scientist I’ve come across who says “People be hatin’.” Though to be fair, I’ve only personally known two scientists well enough to know what expressions they regularly use in conversation.
It totally requires having no standards. He doesn’t know anything about her other than the way she looks. Nothing at all. What kind of person asks someone out without even knowing if they’re straight, single, or nice? So what that it doesn’t require any effort? By that reasoning, you should be asking out every person you sit next to on the train. No one does this, obviously, and only asks about people who interest them. If your interest is piqued by their face alone, it kind of screams “shallow with otherwise non-existent standards.” Not a good look.
This is lame too. I’ve been asked out by guys after three sentences, and I’ve said no 100% of the time. You can’t just come up to me and say, “I like things too,” and expect we’re going to go out. No conversation, no date. We don’t have to get into our whole life stories, and while a single conversation isn’t getting to know someone, it does tell you whether or not you enjoy speaking with someone, and if he’s interesting and engaging to you. “I like pho; let’s hang out” doesn’t do that.
In response to the OP, I’m another for don’t do it. If you see her again, strike up a conversation. If you never see her again, I’m very sorry, but oh well. Leave it be.
Perhaps instead you could have the owner convey your desire to share a cup of tea with her following the meal. That way there is little time invested and, if it goes well, you can follow-up by arranging another meeting.
Don’t think of it as much as “you need to look past superficial appearance into their true heart and soul.” It’s not about that, it’s just about gesturing that you recognize that person is a human being rather than a completely anonymous and interchangeable girl.
Think about it this way: Picture you are going out with your twin brother, and an attractive girl walks up and says "I’ve seen you around. Can I get your number, or your brother’s number? You guys are both really good looking. Really, either one of you is fine. Do either one of you want to go to the dart tournament with me next Tuesday? Whichever one of you is free, I’m sure we’ll have fun.
Compare that to the attractive girl who says “I’ve seen you around, are you guys twins? What’s your name? Michael! I had a crush on a guy name Michael in third grade. So are you from around here, Michael? Oh you are? Whose winning this game of darts? You are?! Do you play much? Well, Michael, if you can get away from your brother for a night, would you want to meet up here next Tuesday for the darts tournament?”
Which one is going to make your feel more special? Which one is going to make you want to learn more about them? Which one seems more interesting to spend time with?
It’s a crowded world. There are tons of attractive women out there. Even when I have my best A game on, when I walk into a singles venue, I know there are dozens if not hundreds of women that any given guy would be just as happy to chat up. No woman is under the delusion that the guy chatting her up is enthralled by her amazing unique unparalleled beauty. So to stand out from the crowd, you have to do a convincing job showing that you are attracted to her specifically, rather than just generally attracted to attractive women, and “you’re so beautiful” isn’t a promising way to do that.
This conversation is reminding me of the ad for some new show…can’t remember the name. >.<
Buncha working, single guys. They’re pretending they’re at a bar, and one says he’s leaning on the bar, talking to two lovely ladies. The other says “I’m only talking to one lady, but she is the most beautiful woman in the room”.
Guess which one’ll get lucky, based just on that scenario.
