Pentagon Plans Zerg Rush!


slinks away, very obviously a dork



– Cal, thoroughly confused

“Swarm Tactics” indeed. Jeez, the cream in my coffee curdled when I read the OP.

Zerg Rush…

A Starcraft game term, indicating an early, massive assault using relatively weak attackers to destroy your opponent’s buildings and non-combatant infrastructure.

Kind of a cheap shot, but in real war, if it means fewer deaths for our side, I’m all for it.

I thought sadam said ok to the “no rush”…??

I hate when people lie… what now?? no nukes?

(if you didn’t play the game… you won’t get that)

I just saw the “swarm tactics” article after reading all Aslan’s StarCraft threads…one thing led to another.


From somebody who may deploy…

We aren’t assuming that Sadam will honor anything that he says.

God help us all.

This thread title would make an excellent Onion article.

Please forgive me. This is my first day on this message board. What is “Onion”, besides the food?

“For the Swarm!” <Boom>

Wile E. Coyote, The Onion is a popular news satire page. (Welcome to the boards, BTW. Prepare for spiraling addiction.) . Expect them to get damend funny again in the next couple of weeks.

For the swarm!

Here’s my attempt:


Washington (AP)-General Wesley Clark announced that the Pentagon was planning to use the famous “Zerg Rush” tactic in any war with Iraq.

Clark added, “KEKEKEKE ZERG RUSH!!! LOL!!! SADAM, WE H4X J00!”

The “Zerg Rush” comes from the computer game “Starcraft” where a race named the “Zerg” are fond of tactics that include the “Rush”, a headlong charge by a number of weak units to win the game early. The Geneva Convention questions the need for Zerg rushes and also bans “hax”, which the Pentagon already plans to use.

Iraq issued a formal statement denouncing this plan as “unfair!!!” Iraqi President Saddam Hussein commented, “OMG!!!”

Now, moving from strategy to FPS:

Saddam has also denounced skilled American snipers for utilizing aim-bots and wall hacks, two illegal strategies that have earned official approbation from various war crimes tribunals. He has gone on to accuse them of camping near respawn zones, even calling them n00bz during the height of his punctuation-laden, vowel-free vitriolic rant.

The Pentagon, in reply to those chat-mode denunciations, made condescending remarks about Saddam’s sexuality, repeatedly calling him a f4gg0+ and a c0cksuck3r. GLAAD plans to march on the Pentagon early next week.

Okay, even I, who has has a serious pickle up my butt about this whole thing all day, think that that was damned funny, Derleth. Thanks!

Moving on to MMORPGs…

In retaliation, Saddam’s Secret Star Wars Corps pushed back the release date of Star Wars Galaxies. Geeks worldwide shrieked in agony.