People who haven't learned a simple skill

In My Humble Opinion
161

Admittedly I’ve never been to New York, and don’t have any Jewish acquaintances, but I would have no clue that that combination was verboten.

Anyway - tying shoes. This “two bunny ear” method. Huh? I just tried that, following the instructions, and it’s impossible! How do you hold both “ears” closed and tie them together without a third hand?? How can the one-ear method not be a million times easier?

Swallowing pills - I’m 27 and it’s only in the past few years that I’ve learnt reliably to do this (from having to take Lariam anti-malaria tablets which are HUGE and dissolve really quickly if you take time over swallowing them). I can only do it by taking a swallow of water, then quickly putting the pill in and downing it with the second gulp of water, making sure that the pill doesn’t touch the roof of my mouth at all - otherwise it inhibits the swallowing action and the water disappears but the pill doesn’t.

Other stuff I can’t do –

Whistle. I can whistle quietly with just my lips, but not at all with my fingers. I’d love to be able to do that loud shrill whistle.

Blow bubbles with bubble gum. Never managed even a small one. I did find a “cheat” way of doing this as a kid, which involved manually stretching a thin film of gum over my tongue, then inflating a very small bubble with it while holding it in place with my lips. Not satisfying though.

Sing. I’m not tone deaf - I can recognise and put names to notes, and I can hear when I’m not in tune (and can spot when, by some miracle, I hit the right note!) but I just don’t have any control over my vocal cords to achieve a desired note.

Play the guitar. I’ve tried and failed, and it hurts!

162

I think the point is that the guy was from New York, which has the largest population of Jews ;j in the world. Every other street has a kosher deli, kosher store, or kosher restaurant. It’s almost impossible to have lived in NYC for fifty years without coming up against the kosher dietary restrictions, and yet this guy somehow managed it.

163

I can’t blow up balloons. This was not really an issue for most of my life, but my kids have both reached prime kiddie-party age. Too bad for them.

In fact, having a 5 and 7-year-old is bringing up a number of skills that were either never learned or are extremely rusty. Last year my son’s preschool class went ice-skating and I volunteered to go along. Then it occurred to me that I hadn’t been on ice skates for almost 30 years. I did manage to keep up with the 4-year-olds and didn’t break anything.

Pretty soon I’m going to find out if that thing about bicycles is true, though.

164

Actually, I know an exercise to get over this. Assuming you’re right-handed (reverse all lefts and rights if you are left handed):

  1. Pick up the ball. Hold the ball in your hand on your index and middle finger, not in the palm of your hand, with your thumb and ring finger on either side of the ball. You’re throwing it off your fingers - see the first picture here.

  2. Now choose a target you’re going to throw at. (Don’t throw it at some schlep’s head.) Stand about thirty feet away. Stand with your left foot in front of your right and facing about sixty degrees to the RIGHT of the target, so that you will have to look a bit to your left to look straight at it.

  3. Now hold your left arm straight out towards the target. Don’t worry, this will all make sense in a moment.

  4. Now take your right arm and hold your forearm directly vertical, next to your head, your upper arm parallel to the ground, making an L with your arm. The baseball should be a foot from your head. Look at it. Say hello. MAke it your friend.

  5. Now we’re going to get you to bring the ball back to its first position. From where you’re holding it, rotate your right arm backwards as much as you can - this will probably not be more than five or ten degrees if you’re as inflexible as I am. Your arm will want to move back. Let it.

  6. Now, for practice, don’t throw it. Instead let’s put you in Position 2. Step towards the target with your left foot, just six to eight inches will suffice. Leave your arm where it is. You are now at the initial point in a throw.

  7. Now throw it. Move your foot back to where it was, then step forward again. Shift your weight forward. Bring your arm around - SLOWLY - and at the same time swing your left arm from in front of you to your left side. This creates a lever effect giving you more power, and your shoulders will rotate properly. Throwing SLOWLY, bring your arm around you, but keeping your forearm more or less straight - it should lean away from you by 10-20 degrees or so as you throw forward. Release the ball when you think you need to.

  8. You will probably miss. But you’re learned the basic mechanics. Keep practicing.

  9. When you start getting good, work on adding wrist action. When you bring your arm back you should also have your wrist cocked back as far as possible, then whip it forward with your arm. Don’t concentrate on this until you get the arm action down.

Remember:

1. Practice your initial throwing position.
2. Hold the ball on your fingers, not in the palm.
3. You should not be facing your target dead on, you should be angled towards the side you throw from. (Ask a ballplayer why lefties can’t be shortstops.)
4. ALWAYS step towards your target. If you aren’t stepping or shifting forward you aren’t throwing properly.

If you just master those four basic points and keep practicing, you’re be throwing like a pro in no time.

165

I can blow up balloons, but I can’t tie them shut. This actually came up at work a few weeks ago when we threw a baby shower for our boss. One of my coworkers had to knot the balloons after I blew them up. I felt even sillier when my supervisor’s 8-year-old daughter said she could do it for me. :slight_smile:

I also seem to be incapable of ironing pants. I’m hoping this site will help me with that.

166

I am 28 and have owned a car for six years. I cannot:

– Check the tire pressure and fill the tires. I tried to do it myself once, and ended up with two flat tires; I’ve left it up to the nice people at the garage ever since.

– Change a flat tire. (Gulp!)

– Find my way anywhere while driving, unless I have detailed, written directions of the “turn left on First Street and then take a right at the second light” variety. Maps, north and south, “go forward 0.7 miles,” can’t do any of it.

On the bright side, I can usually figure out how to get where I want to go on any public transportation system, anywhere in the world, in nothing flat even if I don’t speak a word of the language.

I also don’t know how to snap my fingers, something everybody else seems to have learned in nursery school.

167

Some years ago I did a week-long whitewater trip on the Salmon River in Idaho. All of your gear was stored in a dry bag, which is a rubber bag with a Fastex clip on top.

The way you close the bag is by putting two parts of a buckle together. One part goes inside the other part with a push. You then release the buckle by pressing together the part inside the buckle and pulling out the other part. You can even do it one-handed.Real simple stuff.

But there was a city couple on the float who could get neither step, not in 7 days of having to open and close the Fastex buckles several times a day. They would call people over and ask for help every time.

Whistlepig

168

To all those people who say they can’t change a flat tire, and do own a car:

GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND CHANGE YOUR TIRE!

Seriously. There is no reason not to. If you can’t do it now, then who cares? You don’t need it changed now. The only way you can really learn is to actually do it. I just had to change the tire on my dad’s truck the other week. It was the first time I had ever changed a tire, and I had seen it done once before a few years ago, half paying attention. It took me probably ten times as long as an experienced mechanic, but I did it, and now I know how to if I really need to (the truck was in the driveway, so in theory I didn’t really have to change it myself.)

The cars will have instuctions (assuming that any previous owner didn’t lose them, and that it’s not too old to not have them.) The ones I followed were good, but not great. The biggest problem was that I needed a key to unlock the spare tire, but it never said where that key was. It was hidden in the back of the little pouch the manual came in.

Anyhoo, long story short (too late, I know) learn to change a tire. It is a skill every driver needs to know.

And while you’re at it, make your next car a stick shift. Again, no reason not to, right? If you buy a stick shift, you’ll have to learn how to drive it, right?

169

My father-in-law, upon deciding to keep ice cream in the house for his grandson, came to me for some advice about the finer points of storage. “So” he asks, “Where do you keep your ice cream?”

one
two
three

“In the freezer, Dad”

I told my husband about this exchange and asked if it was possible that this 82 year-old man has managed to make it through life without understanding the whole freezer concept…I mean, did they ever have ice cream in the house when he was a kid? What does he think that box over the fridge is for?!? Hubby thought maybe it was one of those details he missed while his wife did everything but wipe his ass for him for 52 years.

170

Oh, my Goodness. This is like the first time I played “Trivial Pursuit” – fascinating because it made me feel SO smart and SO stupid, and it made me wonder how my friends could POSSIBLY NOT know some things and how they miraculously (to me) knew others…

Let’s see…

I can say the alphabet forwards and backwards in English and forwards in French.

I can whistle both in and out, but can’t whistle with my fingers.

I know how to properly count change back and hand it politely to a customer in such a way that they are able to put it away.

I can giftwrap packages, big or small, and since I spent 2 summers as a meat wrapper at a supermarket when I was in college, I can also wrap packages of hamburger, steaks, chickens. I can recognize fish by looking at raw fillets, and can recognize cuts of meat.

I can identify trees and flowers and breeds of animals.

I can tie my shoes two ways. I can do Velcro too. :smiley:

I can make a bed, but I have not mastered neatly folding a fitted sheet.

I can not only use an elevator, but also an escalator. I’m good on stairs too.

I can drive standard or automatic. I can drive in sun, rain, snow, sleet or darkness.

I can use a computer, Mac or PC. I can do word processing and e-mail and spreadsheets and Powerpoint and use specialized software for purchasing and reasearch things on the internet. I love computers.

I can use a phone, a fax, a photocopier, a scanner, a printer, a shredder, a turntable, a cassette player, a CD player, a DVD, a VCR.

I can tell time the old fashioned way, or on a digital clock/watch, and I understand the 24 hour clock. I can figure out time zones.

I can iron, although I prefer not to. I can wash dishes, but prefer to use a dishwasher. I know how to use a clothes washer and dryer, but I prefer not to. (Do you see a pattern here?) I know how to use a broom, a vacuum cleaner, a mop, but…you guessed it.

I know how to check the oil in my car, but don’t know how to change it. I have absolutely no desire to learn. I feel the same way about changing tires. I know how to send a check to AAA.

I can speak in front of people, can teach a class. When I was studying Russian in college we were asked to choose a subject and teach a lesson in Russian about that subject. I taught Japanese!

I can blow bubbles with bubble gum. I can’t inhale cigarette smoke – which is fine with me.

I can’t make myself drink beer.

I finally learned how to take pills, but it took just about forever.

I can balance a checkbook. But don’t know anything about investing because I never have any money to invest anyway.

I can draw and paint and sew. I can dance and do cartwheels.

I can chop vegetables, bake a pie, make fluffy scrambled eggs, light pancakes, hard-boiled eggs, fudge, Rice Krispies treats, chicken stew with real dumplings, bake cakes or cookies or cream puffs, invent cookies and pies, peel potatoes with a peeler (but not a knife). But I’ve never baked bread or made jam.

I can write well enough to be published.

I can carry a tune and sing solos in front of hundreds of people. But I never feel comfortable when they applaud and I feel awkward bowing and just want to slink away.

I know how to use a subway or a bus, take a train (nearly ended up in Italy while trying to go to Switzerland back in 1974, because I didn’t know the trains would “split” and it was necessary to pay attention to be on the right CAR.), plane, bike.

I can speak/read/write fluent Englsih and French, basic Spanish, limited Russian, and just a bit of Japanese and a few words here and there of other languages. But, hell, I went to Middlebury – I can pretend to speak any language! :smiley:

But when my friend starts explaining electronics to me, it just doesn’t penetrate, although he is speaking English.

I can swim and dive.

I can run a cash register or a mail machine.

I learned the “magic nines” in elementary school.

I know how to transfer calls and how to both leave and take messages, and how to answer a phone properly.

I know how to write a thank you note.

I can make French knots, but couldn’t tell you which one was a square knot.

I know how to listen, but I’m not always good at controling my impatience.

If I had to kill an animal to feed myself, I’d have a VERY hard time.

I have a pretty good mental image of a teaspoon, a tablespoon, a cup, a pint (American), a quart, a gallon, an inch, a foot, a yard, a mile. I’m also pretty good at metric and have a mental image of how much a kilo is since I used to buy fruit by the kilo in France.

I know how to pump gas, but I hate it, and as my hards seem to be getting arthritic, I don’t even try.

I don’t know how to use chopsticks, but I can gracefully eat with a knife and fork, and know the proper way to place my silverware to signal the waitstaff that I am still eating or that I am done.

I know how to give directions clearly.

I have trouble with spacial directions although I test very high on those portions of IQ tests. I have to really think about east-west-north-south if I am in a moving vehicle or inside a building. I sometimes have to stop and think about left and right. I’m usually pretty good with up and down.

I don’t know how to use a 35 mm camera unless it has automatic focus.

I know how to cook on a gas or electric stove.

I’m hopeless at throwing a ball, cathing a ball or hitting a ball with a bat.

I have trouble getting started on things, but once I get started…

171

Oh, was this ever a fun thread to read on a night stuck at work! :slight_smile:

Things I can’t do:
• Ride a bike
• Swim in any way beyond a very rudimentary basic stroke
• Whistle
• Drive a stick shift
• Change a tire
• OK, really, anything involving a car beyond driving (which I’m actually quite good at)
• Cook without a recipe or instructions in front of me. Even with microwave meals that I’ve made a thousand times, I cannot help but read the instructions.

Things I can do:
• Hook up home electronics without consulting a manual. The day I can finally set up my own home theater system is going to be like Christmas. :smiley:
• Diagram a sentence (thank you, Sr. Concetta from 7th grade English)
• Read a map (and I’m decent at folding them, too)
• Learn how to use software without consulting a manual. It’s amazing what you can learn just by perusing all levels of the “Options” or “Preferences” menu. This also extends to finding information on the Internet. I’m the best Googler I know.
• Write. I realize this is not a simple skill, but I think I do a decent job at composing a well-formed, technically correct sentence. Since I get paid to do so, this is A Good Thing.
• Generally remember where I put things. Since clutter forms around me wherever I am, this is helpful. No one else could find anything on my desk, but give me 30 seconds and I’ll pull it out of the pile. However, this one is inversely proportional to how essential the item is. I’m always losing/forgetting my wallet and keys. :slight_smile:

172

I can’t identify different types of cars unless there’s something about them that’s really, really unique. Off the top of my head, I can confidently say that I’d be able to pick a Volkswagon Beatle out of a lot full of cars, but almost all the rest are just a berwildering collection of similar looking vehicles. Unless I read the brand name, they’re all just plain cars. If I want to be really descriptive, I might say “The red car” or “The four wheel drive” or “The van-thingy”, but people ask me “What model is it?” little realising that I cannot even identify the make. It blows me away when people can glance at a car and just know that it’s a 1995 Blah Blah Blah Blah. How do they do that? I’ve lived next to my neighbours for over four years, have discussed cars with them on several occasions, have been inside their cars, but aside from a vague impression that one is some kind of silvery station wagon and the other is a white car, I could not provide a single detail that would help identify them.

I just hope I’m never forced in a situation where I have to describe a vehicle to the police, because I am 100% sure that I couldn’t even begin to be helpful.

173

At the two newspapers I worked at, the photo editor was also a photographer; they usually started at the paper as a photog and worked their way up to editor. And, as editor, they would still occassionally go out on photo assignments.

174

I taught my neighbor how to mow her lawn on her riding lawn mower.

Wehn i went back to see how she did, she went " Phfew, that was hard."

I looked at the uncut grass with the tire lines in it and said, " Uh…you didn’t engage the mower."

You would think after an acre of two and a half to mow you would notice no grass coming out the chute thing. (we don’t have to bag here.)

Until recently , we stored our Ford Farm Tractor in my BIL’s garage 3 doors down. They have a 3 car garage that is woefully empty due to them being Yuppie Incompetants. My BIL calls me up one day stating the tractor’s battery is low when will Mr. Ujest ( Mr. Uber Fix it Man) will be home.) I tell him its ok to jump start a tractor battery from a car battery. car off. Tractor off. Negative to Negative. Positive to positive. Turn on car. Don’t touch the clips, that’s bad. It’ll turn over in about two minutes, if not less. However, if you are jump starting a riding lawn mower from a car, the car must be turned off or it will drain the riding mower battery completely (this we learned the hard way.)

My brother in law hung up and later on Mr. Ujest comes home with a little smile on his face of, " Guess who doesn’t know how to jump start a battery."

This floored me.

175

I’m actually pretty decent with the basic skills, at least the practical ones. I’ve worked in an office, dealt with public transportation, washed dishes, changed a tire, jumpstarted a car…haven’t droven a stick yet, but I’ve only had my license for less than a year, so I think I get a break there.

The only way I cn tell the difference between various cold cuts of meat is I got a job this summer at Subway, and my boss taught me. But if it’s not sliced ham, turkey, roast beef, salami, pepperoni, or bacon, I’ve got no idea. (I’m a vegetarian, so that’s fine).

I can’t use any kitchen appliances other than the microwave, fridge, and freezer. If I’m feeling ambitious, I usually can use the toaster oven, but last time I tried toasting something I got a ridiculous amount of smoke and a concerned call from a neighbor (“Hey, Ninjachick? There’s smoke streaming out of your kitchen window.” “Yeah, thanks, I know. I’m trying to toast a bagel.”) I had to bake brownies this spring for a bake sale for school, and needed a friend on the phone to coach me through it.

I, too, cannot do anything to my hair other than wash it and pull it into a ponytail. Even blowdrying it is a challenge.

I’ve never been to a bar, and have no concept of how it works. Do you just pay for drinks as you go? (This is a skill I’m sure I will learn this fall when I start college.)

176

Depends on the bar. Most places it’s pay as you go, sometimes you can run a tab though. Tabs I find are usually when it’s a restaurant and lounge. Everything comes on one tab. A bar though, you usually pay as you go for the drinks. Either at the bar or to the waitress.

If you get to know the tender and/or waitresses though they will generally let you run a tab. Once you’ve been enough to show you aren’t gonna skip out on it.

Any place where there is lots of dancing and a big crowd it’s unlikely to have a tab. If it’s the sort of place you hang out with friends and buy pitchers it’s more likely.

YMMV though, that’s just been my experience.

177

In my experience, all bars (except for very busy ones, or bars that are very busy dance clubs for example) will run a tab - but they keep your credit card. You order a drink and they say “Do you want to close it out or keep a tab?” If you keep a tab, they take your card and keep putting your drinks on it (and your friends’ drinks if you like - in my experience you can just send them to the bar and have them give the bartender your name). At the end of the evening, or when you’re sick of paying for everybody’s drinks, you say “I want to close out my tab” and then you just sign your charge slip. That way it still works in a crowded bar - they have the name on your credit card.

Once, in Daytona Beach at spring break, I was told to run a tab I had to give them my ID too - presumably so if I asked for a drink they could check to see I was who I said I was. That’s not at all the norm, however, and that’s also the one place I was told they couldn’t run a tab because it was too busy one night.

178

Heck, that’s the only way I tie my shoelaces, but there’s no way I could have worked out what was going on in that animation if I didn’t already do it that way…

179

Not so much a ‘skill’ lack per se, but still odd…

I can’t swallow any liquid without holding it my mouth for a second or two. The fizzier the liquid, the longer the ‘hold’. Water is maybe a second, hot drinks may be a few seconds, soft drinks end up being 4 or 5 seconds. Also, I need to swallow the liquid that’s in my mouth in stages, rather than all at once.

Strangely, I can drink juice with hardly any ‘hold time’ - I have no idea why this would be.

HINT: For anyone who hasn’t tried this, and wants a good laugh, try doing that with caffeine-free diet Coke.

The one and only time I tried that beverage, I near choked - whatever they put in CFDC reacts with saliva, apparently. If you hold it in your mouth it bubbles up to about 4x what you actually sipped… I looked like I was storing nuts in my cheeks by the time I managed to start swallowing it in stages. :smack:

-Khi.

180

Huh? The mower battery is already down, putting more power to it shouldn’t drain it. I think something else is happening Shirley.