Until you know what it is to be a parent of a handicapped child, shut your fucking mouth!
Yeah, those parents like to see that artwork, because unlike other people who have normal functioning children, their kid will never run up to them and say, “I love you mom! Happy Mother’s Day!” If they are deluding themselves a little bit to try to believe their kid made that card, then what is it to you? Chances are you (and society at large) have no idea what it is like for us.
Unfortunately we have to make do with the scraps we are given. We are supposed to be these brave, wonderful parents who never complain and take care of our kids with love and patience, when professionals can barely handle them. Do you have any idea how that feels as a parent? Probably not. School is the one time we can put our child into the hands of others and NOT feel guilty about it. Those people do more to help us than our own families.
A handicapped child is looked at as a problem, not a human being, by quite a lot of people. Imagine, as a parent, having it shoved in your face how fucking “normal” other people’s kids are, while they can barely conceal their annoyance at having to deal with yours. They look at you like it is your fault, like you must be able to handle the fit, the outburst, the whatever it is for that day. And we are just people who had a kid, we didn’t know we needed a degree in developmental fucking psychology to raise the child.
And we didn’t know that we’d be taking care of the child until we are 90-years-old instead of seeing her grow up and go to college and have her own life. Those dreams will never be realized for us. More people need to put themselves into the shoes of the brokenhearted parents whose lives have been permanently, and not necessarily positively, changed forever. We didn’t ask for this. My daughter is 11-years-old and I am no longer physically strong enough to stop her from hurting me and hurting herself. I’m 33, but I feel 80, what I wouldn’t give for that normal parenting experience just for a little bit of the time.
Any caregiver who takes the time to work with these kids is a fucking saint and should be treated with respect. They get paid nothing and do one of the hardest jobs on earth, jobs that no one BUT a saint would want. Until you’ve walked the proverbial mile in someone’s shoes, save your fucking judgment.
As for the “state,” ALL kids are entitled to the same public education, even the ones you think are vegetables. And that’s something that we as parents have to fight to maintain. They don’t put the services out on a table for you to choose from, it is all like a million piece puzzle that as soon as you get a corner put together someone comes along and smashes it and you have to start over, and over…looking for answers that aren’t there and looking for SOMEONE to help you and your child. But it’s a fucking needle in a haystack, you put your name in a hat and hope that one day someone will call you and tell you they have something for ya.
We’re on a 17 year waiting list for services in Indiana, my kid is 11. That’s what needs to be pitted, not the few generous people in this world who actually give a damn about our kids.