Perimenopause is way too much fun. (Guys -- TMI, really)

Well, I’m sitting here doing the usual six things at once and notice I’m feeling a little crampy. Hmmmm. Glance at the calendar – it’s been 22 days since my last period. Of course, that period was 14 DAYS!!! after the one prior to it. Cycle before that? Six weeks.

Okay, so are these period cramps or “it’ll be your period in a day or two, make sure you’ve got tampons” cramps? Maybe ovulation cramps? A little lower-back achiness, a wee bit of breast tenderness – yup, I’m guessing it’s an actual period.

Please, may I have the perimenopause that’s about periods getting further apart instead of closer together? After 35 years of it, I feel like I’ve gotten about what I’m going to from the menstruation experience.

And, frankly, if we could cut the crap and go straight to menopause – that would be fine with me too.

I cut, literally, into menopause at age 35 - surgically. ERT helped for a bunch of years, but now that I’ve been weaned off the estrogen, I’m dealing with hot flashes followed by looking for a sweater.

Care to join me in a chorus of I Enjoy Being a Girl?? :stuck_out_tongue:

Or you could play a couple rounds of Which Period This Time? Will this month’s be the “start-and-stop-then-start-again” period? The “what the hell-IS-that? RUST?!?” period? Or the “don’t-dare-sneeze” period?

FCM – no one believes me, but I’m looking forward to hot flashes. I’m part reptile, so I’m always freezing from, say, now till June – sudden, intense, self-generated heat? Honest to god, it sounds like a good time to me.

LOW – let’s not forget the “one slimy mutant clot at a time” period – very aesthetic.

Hey, twickster, it could be worse.

Major TMI ahead!

[spoiler]One of my mother’s friends went to a restaurant for lunch, a week or two after her period ended. She felt a little lightheaded at the end of the meal, and like she’d been sweating or something. But no, when she stood up, the entire seat of the upholstered chair she’d been sitting in was drenched with blood, and it was dripping on the carpet!

The restaurant was very nice about it.[/spoiler]

FCM - or how about, “Man, I Feel Like A Woman”?

ENugent - a friend of mine had a similar experience, only in a business meeting. She wasn’t expecting Aunt Flo, but had a certain moist feeling during the meeting. When she got to the ladies’ room afterwards, she discovered a big red patch on the back of her skirt.

Nobody said anything to her about it, but she was still (understandably) really embarrassed. Her body seemed to get some sort of message from her stress - she went several months before having another period.

One thing I don’t ‘get’ is why women don’t just keep a six months’ supply of their usual feminine hygiene product around the house. If I were a woman, they’d be one thing I’d never come remotely close to running out of, the way we never come close to running out of toilet paper as it is. (I do the bulk of our grocery shopping, FWIW, so I’m the one who ensures we’re always well-stocked with such basics.) I mean, it’s not like they ‘go bad’ while sitting in a box in the linen closet.

I’ve been over this territory with my wife, who agrees that that makes sense, but she doesn’t act on it. Part of it, with her, seems to be a feeling that the clerk will wonder if she’s having a really bad period, if she should buy a few months’ worth at a time. But I’m quite willing to buy them for her if she puts them on the shopping list, so even that doesn’t cover it.

I used to stock up on my supplies - especially when they were on sale. Of course, when I finally had all the innards removed, I was stuck with stuff I’d never need again, and as my daughter was only 4, she wasn’t going to be needing them for a while either. I can’t remember what I did with them…

I’m with FCM on this – I’ve got three or four boxes in the linen closet at home as we now speak. When they go on sale, I’ll buy six or eight boxes – presumably the clerk either doesn’t care or can figure out the connection between “on sale” and “stocking up.” I did ask my doctor about this: she tells me I don’t need to worry quite yet about overbuying – reffa steffa shneffa.

I do, however, only keep one box at a time in my office drawer, so I was referring to that – though at work there would be no problem finding someone to bum supplies off of should that box be empty at the wrong time.

Hah.

I don’t buy tampons anymore.

Me loves my Keeper.

This periomenopause stuff frightens me. Can’t I just skip right into “I shall wear purple” and play bingo phase?

::adjusts spectacles and looks down, honest to God, at purple dress::

C’mon over to the dark side!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

Thank God for Depo Provera!

You guys are scaring me. I’m 42. When does it start?

Any minute now (bwah hah hah hah)!

Nah, probably not for a few years. I’m 48, looking long and hard at 49, and my period only quit being clockwork regular about a year ago, maybe?

Don’t wanna scare you, cajela, but I will be 39 in December.

cajela, hard to say but I had my first power surge at 37. I’m 45 now and the irregularity thing has really started to kick in.

twickster, I used to think I would welcome hot flashes as well, but it’s not really quite like self-generated comfy/cozy heat, but more like the light headed just before you pass out or vomit flush. I find it can make me very dizzy(ier) on occasion. I don’t really mind night sweats as much because they have a sort of cleansing from the inside out sort of feeling (to me anyway).

I, too, will be most relieved to finally see the end of all the “period drama” in my life!

Kind of like getting in touch with your inner cattle prod.

Well spoke, koeeoaddi!

well I started my periods at 11 and have never in the last 20 years been clockwork regular with the exception of the year I spent on the pill.

I’m only looking forward to the stopping of my periods since they are so off the wall… I can go anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months sigh

Now I never thought hot flashes were that big of a deal and then I had my son. I had sudden preeclampsia (bloodpressure spiked from 106/70 - 155/108 in less than 24 hours) and they gave me magnesium to stabilize it. The nurse who spent the next few hours with me told me this is how hot flashes feel. Bugnorton nails it completely and I was amazed (not in a good way) Yay for a bed to lay on and a nice lady to keep putting cool washclothes on my forehead! I can’t fathom what it must be like to get one when you are someplace where you can’t lie down and grab cooling suplies.

heh
I turned 49 today.
As it happens, I haven’t yet missed a period, but the pre-menstrual scene, which I am experiencing this week, has been utterly <horrid> for the past 6 months or so. Terrible insomnia, weight gain, and out of control emotions, then when my period comes, I slowly get back to what we laughingly refer to as normal.
I remember how my mom was during her menopause–hell on wheels for two years. I am truly dreading this. But what’re ya gonna do?

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Caprese, Happy birthday to you!”

My mom was had undiagnosed bipolar disorder at the time, making her menopause especially delightful for all within range.

I like to think we’re going to do better than that.