My family is thick with these, and many of them have stood the test of time by spreading to SO’s, coworkers and even friends of friends. One of my favorites is an Unca Cecil quote.
I don’t remember which of us started it, but BobotheOptimist and I announce snowfall to each other with the words “Observe the snow. It fornicates.” In the beginning, we would be in the same room, often with other people. Most people needed a “translation” before deciding it was hilarious (except Granny. She got it immediately, and was not amused).
Eventually Bobo and I grew up, moved out, got jobs and spouses. Throughout the years, whoever noticed the first flake – or got up first – called the other to announce “Observe the snow. It fornicates.” It has become a contest. If the other wasnt awake, or at work yet, the announcement was made to whomever answered the phone, be it a roommate or a secretary, under the guise of “leaving an important message.”
Those people usually wanted an explanation, and most of them were amused enough to begin using it themselves.
We have friends, family, co-workers, classmates and neighbors, who, to this day, greet snow falls with a phone call or email saying “Observe the Snow” but have never been further enlightened by the wisdom, or even existence, of The Dope.
At Christmas, my Uncle, myself and a few other cousins always wish each other a “Merry Crimmass.” It was started by my other Uncle (now deceased) and no one is quite sure who first mispronounced Christmas like that to make my Uncle do that.
Another holiday one is at the Mother’s Day get-together. After wishing all the mothers “Happy Mother’s Day” all the men turn to each other and wish each other “Happy Mother’s Day” (complete with a big manly handshake).
Finally, whenever my Mom gets kind of agitated at something my sister or I are doing, she tells us to “Dry up!” It’s gotta to the point where my cousins will try to get my Mom angry and then tell her “Say ‘Dry up!’”
Childhood mispronuciations are a staple of my family lore. Any time we were in sight of the tall obelisk named after our first president, my parents would remind my sister that there was the “Washington Mommaket.” Wheaton Regional Park has been referred to as Wheaton Original Park for most of my life.
When referring to the weirder aspects of her family, my mom will use the phrase, “Them Bo-Shells’ll eat anything.” Apparently a reference to old family friends.
ShelliBean, in my family it’s “Say Hey to Goober.”
In our family, it’s hummin bean. Hum pronounced like drum. My cousin and I were teasing my sister, who was two or three years old, pretending we didn’t know she was a person. Finally she got fed up with our questions (Are you a cat? You’re not? Hmm, are you a pillow? etc.) and yelled “I NOT a [whatever we’d just asked] I a HUMMIN BEAN!” We were expecting her to say girl or kid.
She’d picked up the term human being from somewhere, but didn’t have the pronunciation down yet.
“Three more light poles”
This comes from when we lived in Germany and had no car, so we’d walk anywhere we needed to go. There was this ridiculous hill near our apartment and you had to go down it to get to the, I dunno, not quite “downtown” but similar. So we were down there for a good chunk of the day, it’s late, we’re tired and we just want to go home.
Walking back up the hill was terrible and us kids kept asking “how much further? how much further?” My dad was trying to keep our spirits up and our feet moving.
Us: How much further?
Dad: Just three more light poles. Just three more and we’re home, ok?
Us: How much further?
Dad: Just three more light poles.
Us: You said that 5 poles ago!
Dad: Just three more.
Us: How much further is this hill?
Dad: Just three more light poles.
This continued on 'til we actually got up the hill. I swear it must have been a mile-long walk up that thing (probably not, but it was long and really steep). So now if we’re going somewhere far and we’re tired of travelling, the answer to “How much further?” is always “Three more light poles.”
From a friend in college, whenever hearing Fuckin’ A: “Fuck a B; it has more holes.”
As for family, the popular dinnertime saying, which came from my grandmother, whenever someone said they didn’t like something that was served: “eat it anyway.” Also, “eat it before I take that fork and shove it down your throat” (Grandma was so loving).
My mom’s eyesight is decidedly less than perfect. We were traveling somewhere out west–Colorado or someplace similar. And of course, we were watching the sheep, the goats, and any other wildlife we could see with great fascination.
And my mother pointed out (more than once) a “flock” of sheep, which on closer examination proved to be hay bales. So we labeled hay bales --Mom’s animals.
My father every time he passed a cemetery:
“You know how many dead people there are in that cemetery?”
Answer (sometimes him, sometimes us with a moan): “All of 'em.”
My favorite swear phrase as a kid: “Goddamn Mr. Whipple and his Charmin” (later changed to just “Damn Mr. Whipple & his Charmin” when I got religion).
My sister’s favorite swear phrase: “Hells bells shit damn ****** [racial slur] screw piss goatfuck!”, all said as one word (and before you count her as a racist, remember that she counted the word as a serious swearword).
To this day whenever I hear Auld Lang Syne I hear myself as a child or my father or other members of my family singing
I hate like hell
to doubt your word
but it sounds like bullshit to me
it sounds like bullshit to me
I fear
yes it sounds like bullshit to me.
It got to where we’d just hum it to give the insult (or “cite?”).
My best friend and I have been gamers since middle school. His PC was always better than mine, and we played all recent games at his house. Whenever he suggested anything risky, my default response was “If you die, can I have your computer?”
Having discovered the company of women, we don’t play as much. The expression has survived.
This is a fairly recent one - I happen to really like Moose Tracks flavor ice cream. One time, either my husband or I referred to it as Moose Crap. So that’s what it is - Moose Crap Ice Cream.
Yum.
Sadly, I have none that I recall from my childhood - my mom was a stickler about correct language. Party pooper.
When my nephew was little the family had a swear jar that you had to put a quarter in if you said a bad word in front of the kids. I forget what the money went to but Mike was the first to point out that you have “Icky bad manners” and owed a quarter.
To this day almost 20 years later I often say about someone that it’s Icky bad manners.
When my dad and my Uncle Ernie (The Kid called him Unca Ooo-nee) would get together they would always find something to “fix”. Whatever they fixed ended up not quite working right. For example, the faucets on my laundry tub are C/H, not the usual H/C. The faucets on my mom’s bathroom sink turn opposite of what they are supposed to. Uncle Ernie’s furnace had to be replaced. Of course, my dad would take no blame for it at all - he was the younger brother. My dad and Uncle Ernie are both gone, but whenever something needs “fixin” we call out “Ooo-neee”.
Need to turn left? You “hook a Lou” in our family.
Need to turn right? “Ralph”
Thanks to the Dope, the word “snerk” has been added to the family lexicon. I used “fuckwaffle” once, but my mom threatened me with soap in the mouth.