Fucking A, and I’m only on post 12.
You could have your arm ripped off be beaten with it.
When you had a cigarette afterwards, everything would be ok for a few precious minutes.
An excellent question. You should start smoking pot, so you can feel better about smoking cigs when you can’t get pot (there are occasional dry spells for pot, if you didn’t know that).
If you are a terrorist and a smoker, you always have a handy ignition source for your fused explosives.
As a smoking parent, you can use cigs as intimidation devices. You can blow smoke right in the kids’ faces. You can also threaten them with the glowing ember. It’s surprisingly painful when it touches the skin.
Cigs give you that outlaw, tough guy ambiance.
Cigs will deaden your sense of smell, which is great in crowded urban environments.
Cigs will deaden your sense of taste, allowing you to eat meat you would otherwise spit out as not fit for human consumption.
Cigs will reduce your lung capacity, so if you move to China, you won’t suck in so much of their awful pollution.
Cigs will reduce you opportunities for sex. This should lower your birth control costs, and ultimately be good for the entire planet as you won’t produce any more resource-using spawn.
What, tobacco? Start smoking meth like a real man.
Well, the world is short a smoker at the moment, since I quit on Monday. So, you can have my spot in the smoking areas.
It has been exactly 4 days and 45 minutes since I crushed out my last cigarette.
I quit a couple of months ago…and for the first time in 18 years, it stuck. I don’t know exactly how long it’s been, and I only think about smoking a few times a day now.
I’ve been trying to find a benefit to having quit, and I finally found it yesterday. I took a long bike ride with lots of hills, and while it hurt, I could actually breathe. I was stone cold shocked that I noticed a difference.
So here’s the thing. If you take up smoking:
A. Those of us that have quit can live vicariously through you.
B. You have a built in excuse for not working out because you wouldn’t be able to breathe.
If I didn’t smoke already, I’d be convinced to after this thread.
And, who needs an excuse not to work out?
Plus you’d have to change your username if you didn’t smoke.
“Face like a baseball mitt” is a good look on you.
Don’t do it, Skald! You know who else smokes? Hot skanks in bars. They smoke, because they’re kind of wild and because they can use their habit to pick guys up for one night stands. I mean, there you’ll be on a Friday night trying to enjoy your drink in Irv’s Bucket of Puke in peace, when some tall redhead mildly drunk chick in a halter top and Daisy Dukes wanders up to you and asks you innocently if you’ve got a light.
Now if you’re a nonsmoker, you’ve got no worries. She’ll just move on to that fat guy at the bar with a greasy mullet and more flannel than you would have found at a Nirvana concert. If you smoke, however, you’ll probably fall for it and light her cigarette, and the both of you will head out for what you think will be an innocent conversation about baseball stats or whatever. The next thing you know, she’ll be pushing you up against the brick wall shoving her tongue in your mouth and asking if you want to see her snake tattoo, and you’ll wind up naked on your back in her waterbed watching her jump your bones while screaming vile things she wants to do to you all night over the Van Halen CD in her stereo.
Now doesn’t that sound disgusting, Skald? Is that how you want to start off your weekend after a long week of work? I’ll bet she probably doesn’t even have a snake tattoo in the first place! It’s bad enough having a boring, sucky job five days out of the week, but can you imagine putting up with this, too? Wouldn’t you rather be with someone you met at church who’s saving herself for her husband? Sure you would. So be smart. Don’t start.
I forget which comedian I’m stealing this off, but it is said that if you smoke you don’t need to exercise.
Think about it, where does working out get you? You smell bad and feel out of breath. So just light one up and achieve the same thing!
When I spoke of smoking to one of the metal building salesmen I worked for, who was a convicted felon-yes, I know the only difference is the “convicted” part-he pointed out, “you always have something to do.”
At work or in the slammer, I presume.
You should start smoking, then withdraw for a few days, then start smoking again. That first cig after you haven’t had one in a while is gooood–it’s the only one that’s good, though… the others are just to avoid withdrawal. So in order to really enjoy smoking, you have to go through withdrawal again. Smart, very smart.
It’s great for taking off some weight. It’s a stimulant, and an effective appetite suppressant.
Plus if you smoke really fast, you can catch a fun little 5-10 minutes speedy high.
Because having a harem carry your hooka around would be way cool.
I’m not understanding the clause I bolded.
Skald the Rhymer - I think carnivorousplant is saying that all metal building salesmen are felons. Most of them just haven’t been convicted.
StG
It’s good, until you get nauseated and puke.
Indeed. My favorite quote from one of them: “Yessir, I’m a son of a bitch, but I’m a son of a bitch with your money.”
To prove how easy it is to quit. Well, it isn’t and I got up to a pack every day. 
Seven months I have been quit now and tis one of the hardest things ever.