Petty things you'd change if you were God

Personally, I’d like to be able to enjoy the same cilantro flavor you do, as opposed to the floor-cleaner flavor I get, so I support this 100%.

I’d fix the vertebrate retina - the nerves that carry visual information connect on the wrong side of the retina, which is why we have a blind spot. Cephalopods - squid, octopus, etc. - have the nerves coming out of the back of the retina and thus do not have blind spots.

More colors would be nice, too.

Gravity should not affect skin and boobs and things like that. Let the girls stay perky please.

Thank you.

Make it so nice people really are rubber and mean people really are glue.

And chocolate.

And then there are people like me, for whom cilantro has no taste whatsoever.

I’d create a new attractive force that keeps socks from disappearing in the washer/dryer. And while we’re at it, let’s keep clothes and pockets from turning inside out in the wash.

There would no arguments, by that I mean where physical violence and mental abuse occured.

I would make it so dogs live longer.

Strangely it used to taste like soap when I was a child, but it doesn’t now.

Yeah, that would be nice. Cats too.

Counter-offer. Cigarettes are 100% harmless and don’t create any lingering smell more than anything else one might consume. IOW, not only would they not be bad for you, they wouldn’t bother anyone around you any more than if you were, say, eating a candy bar or drinking a soda.

Receipts. I would stop the practice of giving me a silly little slip of paper every single time I buy one single little thing. Make the default be NO receipt, and anyone who wants one can ask for it and get it.

I guess this might not actually take god-like powers. But that would be the sure way.

If you’re God why don’t you make the types of biting mosquitos just not live on human blood like the other types of mosquitos?

If I’m God, people are getting a new set of teeth every 15-20 years they live. No more of this ridiculous 1 set that’s only good for 10ish years and a second the rest of your life. If sharks can keep growing teeth their whole lives, so can humans.

Obligatory Mitch Hedberg Quote

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. I’ll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: “Don’t even act like I didn’t get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here…oh, wait it’s at home…in the file…under “D”

Growing new teeth isn’t much fun. If you’re god, could you just give us teeth that don’t wear out and are impervious to cavities please?

Compromise: a new set of teeth every 30 years, but a new tooth can be triggered by the old one falling out (or bring pulled out.)

My decades-old teeth are in decent shape, and i break nuts with them, and chew on bones, and otherwise use them hard. I got lucky with tooth-genes. But that means it’s well within the mammalian design for everyone to keep their teeth healthy for decades.

Also, teeth small enough that all 32 of them will fit comfortably in the arches. No more having to have your wisdom teeth removed.

I think wisdom teeth are “supposed” to replace some teeth you’ve lost by the time they come in. Like, elephants grow a new set of molars every several years, and normally they push the others forward, filling up the holes from ones that have worn out.

I recall reading that jumbo the elephant died of complications when new teeth can’t in because his diet was so soft he hadn’t lost any of the earlier ones.

Let’s see, petty things:

Eliminate Dutch elm disease. Bring back those majestic trees.

Remove invasive species everywhere: Remove starlings from North America. Housecats gone feral and rabbits from Australia.

Anyone who takes a pet dog or cat out to the country and deliberately abandons it has to carry around a dead cow or horse for a month.

People used to have larger jaws and ate a different diet that contributed to there being enough room for all teeth, including wisdom teeth, and in decent alignment. The fact that that is no longer the case is proof that evolution is the survival of “good enough not to kill you before you reproduce” and not a march towards perfection.

Some of us still have room for our wisdom teeth - mine came in and were fully in line and functional. Two were removed due to decay after nearly 40 years of service. I still have the other two, which are fine and still functional.

So… if I were the God of Petty Changes and looking at dentistry I’d probably ditch the wisdom teeth entirely, but have pulled/lost adult teeth regenerate.

Tinnitus, gone. Or at least create a cure.

Out patient hip replacement. Done that. Replace a lens in my eye, no prob, I see like a hawk.

But the 24/7 ringing you my ears? Sorry. Nothing we can do.