“Yes, he lived his life, in fact, he was on the verge of growing into the worst part of it, adulthood.”
I get a surprising amount of confusion from people when I state that in regards to my brother. My mom for instance, takes it as a very pessimistic comment, that I think adulthood sucks, and that I think she should be glad my brother died when he did.
That’s not true.
I’ll elaborate on this, rest assured, and in doing so, hopefully I will shed a bit of light onto my philosophy on life, and how I try to perceive the world.
Yes, I do think that a person’s childhood is the best part of their life, but it is something that a person can carry with them as they grow, and never truly have to lose.
So many people, most, from what I’ve seen anyways, do lose it.
What is it that I see them lose, thus transitioning into the “worst” part of their lives?
That sense of awe, wanting to learn about something just for the sake of knowing, ceasing to see the world as an amazing place, and instead taking it for granted, focusing on stupid “adult” stuff that doesn’t matter, while completely ignoring the absolutely amazing things going on right outside their window.
Transitioning into adulthood can be a great thing, you can try to use the foundations instilled in you during your childhood as a starting point, trying to expand your mind and your perception of the world, to use the intellect that you were given to further your quest for knowledge. I believe that a lot of people stop living, so to speak, once they close off their mind, and start taking the world and how it functions as a given. So many people, from my perspective, essentially die once they get old enough to move out on their own, because bit by bit, the world around them starts creeping in, clouding their minds with our own petty inventions.
Stuff that doesn’t matter.
Bills, cars, what people think about you, god, religion, false morality, racism, sexism, homophobia, petty hatred, war, death, depression, recession, SARS, cancer, Michael Jackson’s nose, Ben and J-lo, what size dildo to buy…
You get the idea.
None of this stuff matters to a child. A child has a pure perception of the world, unfiltered by the junk our society starts piling into their heads as they grow.
It’s something that I try to remember when I look at the world around me.
One of the greatest things that I remember from my childhood, is the way that I saw the world around me. I’d look at something as simple as the wind rustling the leaves of a tree, and be in awe that somehow, that tree got there, I got there to look at it, and I would just sit there and think about it, how amazing it was that that tree was right there, in such detail. Seeing the wind rustle the leaves, watching the birds nesting in it, squirrels climbing in it.
Then climbing the tree just so I could see the world from that perspective, to gain a new view.
See something new that I hadn’t before.
When you are a child, your thoughts aren’t clouded by petty concerns. You don’t worry about paying your mortgage, what people think about you. You don’t judge people by the color of their skin, their religious beliefs.
It just doesn’t matter to you.
Then our society starts clouding your mind.
Eventually you lose that sense of wonder, gain a few prejudices, and no longer start looking at the world with a sense of wonder.
Instead you focus on the world that other men created for you. Instead of focusing your time on just enjoying the world for what it is, you focus on the negatives that we’ve created.
Age, race, sexism, war, depression, bills, social pressures, religion, god…
All of it, is stuff that we created, and eventually it just kept on piling up, cluttering our collective minds.
We truly need none of it, It’s not the world. The world is what’s around you, what you see when you turn off the TV, step outside, and just look.
The green grass, trees, animals, your neighbors.
Just step outside and look at it all, take it in, through the clear eyes of a child. Observe the world around you, learn something new.
Let the petty concerns that cloud your mind drop away, and just look. Don’t think about your relationships, the war in iraq, none of it. Just look. Think about what you see, and that alone.
World doesn’t look so bad that way, does it.
You may have forgotten, but that was how you saw the world as a child, how you could just have fun without a care in the world.
A lot of people, my family included, cannot grasp how I can go through thinking that my brother dying at 15 wasn’t the tragedy made out to be. The reason, is because he had just started reaching the point where his eyes were closing, and the world we created had was taking over. He had the best part of his life, and while his death was in no way a good thing, I am, in a way, happy that he never had to deal with the false horrors we created. He lived, and died, a happy person, and for that I am grateful.
He had the best part of his life, carrying on along that path requires an active choice to do so, which the majority of people don’t make.
I personally try to, at all times, leave my mind clear and my eyes open, to just observe, and learn. Doing so has taught me a great many things about the world we live, and left me with a positive outlook on the world, in spite of the horrors our media-centric society pummels us with daily.
I made the conscious decision to devote my thoughts to the clear headed observation of the world around me, learning for the sake of learning, trying to better myself as a person, minus the petty concerns of our society.
Enlightenment for the sake of enlightenment. I don’t know why we are here, but I do wish to make the most of the time that I do have, and see if I can’t figure out some of what I see, what makes us tick.
Maybe if I am lucky, I can leave some of it behind, and give other people something to ponder. If all I am going to leave behind is a legacy, I want to make damn sure that the legacy I leave behind is one of some clear headed thought, opening a few more minds, letting them enjoy happiness even after I am gone.
I think that should be the focus of my existence, to leave the world behind in a better state than I entered.
Not wasting my time worried about paying bills.
