When my brother-in-law died, my niece asked me to take a picture of him in his casket. I didn’t want to do it, but agreed as long as the funeral director okayed it.
When I spoke to him, he told me it was a fairly common request, and the way he handled it was to offer to take the photos and tell the family that he would keep the roll of film until they came back in to pick it up. He said very few people actually did, and that he had rolls of film in his desk from twenty years ago.
I explained the whole thing to my niece, the funeral director took the photo, and as far as I know she has never gone back to collect the film.
I just remembered: my grandmother had a small, highly retouched photo of her mother. “That was taken after she was dead, in her coffin!” my grandmother used to tell me.
Years later, I found a big family group photo, and there was my great-grandmother: same picture. Alive and well. The smaller one was just a miniature made from that shot.
I don’t agree with photography at funerals. It just doesn’t seem right to me. However, my sister has a very powerful one. My late father suffered a brain injury. His father died a year or so later. The photo shows my father sitting all alone in an empty church after everyone else had cleared out. The image would be strong on its own; but dad’s injury had made him a bit child-like. (He knew it, too; and he hated it.) It’s technically a good photo; it gets the point across, and it’s well-composed for an amateur snapshot. For me, though, being so personally connected makes it difficult to look at.
Dad’s funeral was videotaped. His ashes were buried at sea by the Navy, and we were obviously unable to attend. (Sea burials are conducted as time permits during maneuvers.)
I wonder if the negativity towards funeral photos is regional? I live in the South, and there have always been folks who snap pictures. No one I’ve ever met has had a problem with funeral photography (candid, I mean- not sure about an actual photographer showing up…). I’ve been to a lot of funerals.
While I was a journalist in the Navy I was asked on several occasions to photograph funeral services. Ordered to, rather. I left my flash behind in trade for a polepod, wider aperature and slower shutter. Digital cameras are quieter in my experience. I rationalized it by realizing that those who have just lost a loved one might not be entirely rational. Oftentimes no one ever came to my office to collect the photos.
I can certainly appreciate the “ick” factor that many of your are feeling toward the idea of photographing the dead, I have to disagree that a camera doesn’t belong at a funeral. Now, I for one would not just show up at, say my co-worker’s father’s funeral with my Nikon but in the case of close relatives I have shot them. I don’t find it morbid at all. What I’ve done, to be sensitive to those that find it utterly repulsive, is to do it before the rest of the folks arrive for visitation. I do not frame these and hang them above the sofa for jebus’s sake. but i put them away and I guess to me, it’s comforting…it’s a reality check and it helps me deal with the fact that that particular loved one is gone. I was exposed to this practice at age 4 when my mother lost a child during childbirth. She had lost one before i was born and was unable to attend either funeral. My father took pictures for her so she could have closure. It was hard for her to look at her dead babies but she needed to do it. They showed me the pictures and well, it just made sense.
I think the problem a lot of people, here in the states, have is that we are taught to be so poised and to suffer and mourn with quiet dignity. I’m a caucasion from Northern Ohio with an Irish and hillbilly background. Pictures of the dead and wild drunkfest wakes were the norm. Most causasian funeral i have been to have been so quiet and somber with the mourners sobbing quietly with their heads down. All the African American funerals I;ve been to have been remarkably different. Photos are very common and I;'ve seen folks just walk up while the reverend/preacher etc…was speaking and just ‘point and shoot’ and i’ve also seen people talk and roam around and walk up to the casket during the service.
It appears that afroamericans i’ve seen allow themselves to really grieve. They let it out and don’t stifle the pain. I envy that.
Wow, sorry for the hijack. I guess my point is, there is no incorrect way to grieve.
While I have (in the South, BTW) seen a few people take pictures of the deceased in the casket, for personal reasons I assume, it’s hardly a common practice. On the other hand, there have often been pictures taken at the house afterwards, for example, or during the days surrounding the funeral when family gathers and brings food. Especially in the case of an elderly person whose death was expected (and perhaps even welcomed by the individual). We don’t do the “wake” thing, but we do eat a lot of deviled eggs and sometimes people take family photos. It’s an entirely different thing than taking them with the corpse, of course.
My grandmother also had a lot of pictures of deceased persons (I imagine either we or my aunt does now, as she gave most of her things away when she and my grandfather moved into assisted living. He turned 90 a few months ago, BTW.) The wierd thing is that they were in with her regular pictures. I can’t imagine putting together a vacation album like that: “Here’s Marty and I putting our toes in the Mediterranean. Here’s me at the Liberty Bell. Here’s me with dead Aunt Ruth, isn’t the praying hands casket nice?” (Of course, the pictures of dead people are always only of dead people. I guess it’s just too weird to pose for them. Although my dad would probably make the family do it.)
My eastern European-born mother-in-law wanted funeral photos of her deceased husband – both times – and the son who died. I found it odd, but nobody else seemed to.
It never occured to me to take photos of the dead, but when I suggested photos of the flower arrangements, I thought my family and the funeral director would collapse on the spot!
My father’s funeral was overrun with flower arrangements – potted flowers, plants, bouquets, wreaths, etc. The funeral director went around collecting the cards from all of them to give to my mother. Afterwards, when everything calmed down, Mom sat down to thank those who had extended their condolences. Only now we didn’t know who sent what. She ended up having to send “generic” thanks for their support and sympathy without mentioning whether they had gone in on some flowers or not.
I thought my suggestion was quite practical – Polaroid photos (at the time the best I could think of, digital not around yet) of each plant or arrangement, and then slip it into the card for later reference. Of course she could keep track of those delivered to the house, but so many of the gifts went straight to the church or the funeral home. Mom still has some of the plants, growing very nicely, thank you, without a clue as to who provided them.
i have some funeral pictures. they are from the 20’s and 30’s. the strangest one is a wee lad’s funeral. i’m thinking he is about 6 or 7, (i’ll have to ask mum) the odd thing is, they have his brother “posing” with him. one boy in the coffin, the other next to the coffin with his hand resting on it. i believe it is the only picture of the child who died.
the other is my aunt who died at 13. there is only one other picture of her aside from the funeral pictures. there are 2 of the funeral pic., i’m figuring one was for my grandmother, one for my grandfather. when my grandfather passed his picture went to grandmum. my grand mother would have it hanging above her bed for certain months of the year.
Really awful to me. Several years ago, a local TV station showed a picture of the open coffin of a prominent local man who passed away. I was really shocked that they would show that. I had never heard of him or met him, and the only way I remember him is as a corpse on TV.
I have this thread bookmarked.