It’s lousy dammit.
Yes, Momotaro, I understand your misery. I work for a small contracting firm in Tokyo, and my boss won’t hire anyone without consulting her astrologer. I call her the Dragon Lady. She holds weekly meetings with her staff to “advise” them on what and when and where they should do things in the coming week, and checks back to make sure they’ve done it.
But she is not the only psycho one…at the beginning of this year, she hired a new teacher for our firm, and I went out to the airport to meet him, with no idea what he would be like. To put it succinctly, the guy turns up in a sweat suit and a army surplus wool overcoat on. He’s altenately crossing himself and slapping his stomach.
Turns out he is a born-again christian, recovering alcoholic on heavy medication to control his bi-polar manic depression which manifests itself in rapid violent mood swings. A week after he arrived, he broke a window in a McDonalds because they didn’t have mustard for his fries. He kept track of his biorhythms almost as religiously as he said 5 minute grace over his meals.
Oh, and he was obsessed with Hello Kitty.
And this man was hired to teach kindergarten!
Suffice to say that the company was requested to find new teachers at all the schools he went to, and we “let him go.” At this point, of course, it was not the dragon lady’s fault, but everyone else’s (mine!).
God, I can’t wait until March when my contract is up and I can get out of here…
JmMC, Awe…I’m a your favorite poster…and I didn’t even have to get a feathered haircut or don a bikini. Who says boys don’t like a girl with brains? Whoooo Hoooooo.
evilbeth:
Well, you could go in one Monday and announce that they had finally shown you the errors of your ways, that you had turned to the Lord, that you were giving up all that evil stuff, and in appreciation of what they had done fore you, you wanted them to be there at your baptism the next Sunday.
Then tell them to meet you of the local Catholic Church.
Auraseer is right, however: that is harassment. I agree that you should document their activities. Unfortunately, if your company is small enough (especially with a wimpy boss), any actions you take are going to get you out of a job since you will be perceived as the “bad fit.”
I’m not telling you to put up with it, but you have to look at how badly you need that job. The world is not fair. (If they ever did cost you your job, you could always go after them and the company for enough money to make it worth your while, but you have to eat in the meantime and those settlements don’t happen in just days.
Tom~
Where are my brains, that last post of mine was directed to jmmc. Sigh…I need some caffeine.
In the eight years I worked at the travel agency it was a comedy of so many three dimensional narrow minded characters I always thought I could write some kind of Off off off off off broadway play. It was like working with a bunch of character actors like (a female version) Peter Lorre’s, Steve Bucesmi’s, Eve Arden’s and Joan cusack’s at their nuttiest. The boss, John, would be played by Jimmy Stewart because he had that “gee whiz everyone is honest until proven otherwise” attitude and he stammered like Jimmy Stewart. I could imitate him ( the boss and Jimmy) dead on for a good chuckle. In fact I would imitate John and his wife Polly arguing ( like they did all day over every issue) John stammering and Polly with her German accent. Their kids (grown psychotic adults) would roar with laughter. To bad I could never make money on something like that, but I did abuse stamp machine priveleges and made long distance phone calls for eight years. ( It still kills me to buy stamps now that I’ve left.) I even stamped my wedding invites and 8 years worth of Xmas cards there. God, I miss that.)
I don’t regret the time I spent being grossly underpaid ( no Xmas bonuses, had to grovel for a raise) while the bosses all flew business class overseas and we busted our keisters to keep them in business. I learned alot of how NOT to run a business and how to NEVER hire your children ( of their two kids, one worked her ass off to keep the place going and was ignored for her efforts, the other one worked maybe 15 minutes a week while going to grad school and doing homework at her desk and was constantly lauded for all she did for the company which was nothing.) and to give the employees a little leeway. leeway, hell, I had an entire freeway.I knew then and I know now that I will never have a job like that again in my life and I stuck it out because one day I’ll have to Dilbert in a cubicle like the rest of America. I think the real reason I stuck it out for so long was the fact that of this weird family they were so dysfunctional and the parents hated their kids and the kids hated their own children, that I learned that I really wanted to be active in my children’s lives, not just bear 'em and forget 'em kind of parents that they all were.
John and Polly ran an interesting ship and it was rarely dull. It makes for interesting stories anyways.
Evilbeth You shouldn’t have to put up with what you have and you certainly are more patient that I am. I don’t really give a rat’s ass of what you worship as long as it doesn’t interfer with me reading the newspaper during my lunchbreak and playing solitare on the computer if I worked with you. Unless,of course, you worshipped at the Altar of his Supreme Ego, David Hasselhof, then I am obligated to burn you at the stake to save you from yourself . ( 
)
I think if you started fighting fire with fire that these Exorcism Sisters might run to the superviser stating that you are taunting them with your evil ways. He/she might have pooh poohed your problems because you are only one ( ))satanic worshipper, but three Holy Rollers complaining equal more paperwork for a boss and they will do just about anything to get out of it, like investigate the claim.
Document everything. Dates, times, who chanted what and when for how long. Give a copy to the supervisor and his/her supervisor and if you are union, go to them. God, I hate the Unions, but this could open a whole can of worms with them. I would contact the ACLU and ask them if you have a case. Hell, they defend flag burning, Nazi’s and KKK because it is a freedom of speech, don’t you have a right to have a freedom of silence from these shrewish women? Your civil liberties are being squashed with your bosses approval.
If the above doesn’t work, then you resort to fire with fire. I’m sure your company probably has a potluck once in awhile. Bring in a dish of shredded venison or pork covered in some kind of sauce. When the Exorcism Sisters taste it, announce that it was what was left over from “last nights sacrifice.” THAT should send them screaming from the room.
If that fails, then it sounds like a job for the SDMB Gang of Atheists,Kinda-Believers,Run-away-Catholics,
Escaped-Jews, Bored-Methodists/Protestants/Buddists, Fundies-Who-aren’t-brainwashed,
Tree-Worshippers-Who-Write-On-Paper,Pragmatic Realistics, Disenchanted-Humanists, and the small section of our group, but the most effective, the caustic: Sure-There-Is-Something-Out-There-But-If You-Are-A-True-Representative-Of-It’s-Power-
And-Goodness-Then-Were-Fucked contingency.
The moment we show up in the doorway, our superhero capes billowing in the breeze it will send fear running down their yellow spines. Give us ten minutes in a locked room and we’ll take care of your little problem. Capish?
Ah, yes, the SDMBGAKBRCEJBMPBFWABTWWWOPPRDHSTISOTBIYAATROTPAGTWF.
Gotta love those guys.
I don’t have co-workers… How about a co-student?
Earler this year we had to take a psych test and while we were waiting I was talking to a guy about the classes I was taking. I mentioned I was taking Chinese and he said “That’s pretty pointless.”
I ask “Why? China is becoming more open; the US has more trade with them every year.”
“Yeah, but they’ve got nukes now so we’ll have to kill them all before they get us.”
What scares me is that the test we took probably said he was saner than me because I’m afraid that people in the cafeteria are laughing at me.
–John
Sorry, should have been:
SDMBGAKBRCEJBMPBFWABTWWWOPPRDHSTISOTBIYAATROIPAGTWF.
I know you all caught that.
I’m a Pragmatic Agnostic. Please re-define the abbreviation now.
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
OK, the weirdest coworker I have ever met (working for the government) was/is the Licegirl. When I first started working at a real job, I was told to make a copy of my time sheet before turning it in. That made perfect sense but one pay period I forgot to do it so I went to one of the offices and asked the lady there if I could use her copier. She said yes but it was old and would take 5-10 minutes to warm up. It was a very slow Friday so I said ok. Whilst standing there she went back to her cubicle and said you can sit there if you like and pointed to a chair with a red sweatshirt strung over the back. I said thank you and sat down. Then she went on a barrage of verbage at the vocal equivalent of 1000mph, “you don’t have to worry about getting lice from me because I don’t have lice. I ride public transportation and sit next to black people because a nurse once told me black people can’t get lice. You can always spot little kids who have or have had lice because their heads are buzzed real short. Everyone can get lice it does not matter what type of neighborhoods they come from, be they poor or rich. You can’t tell who rode the school bus earlier. There are all different types of lice: head lice, crab lice, and even scabies. You can spot people who have scabies because they have little rows of pin dot scabs all up and down their bodies…” This went on for about 15 minutes with hardly a break to breathe. She was a freak. At first I thought she was some weird improv actress, but I was mistaken. She was just messed up. Anyway, I was laughing and scratching the whole time she was talking until I realized she was serious and then I made my copy and got away. She caught me in the hall on two separate occasions and sai, “have you been a good boy?” To which I responded whilst trying to get away from her, “I am always a good boy.” Then she quickly interjected, “If you aren’t God will send you to HELL!” Every time I have seen here she comes up with something weird. I try to avoid her at all costs because I know she has serious mental problems and probably sneaks a gun past the metal detectors in the morning.
HUGS!
Sqrl
Move over Satan. 
Now there’s something meatier. http://smallwonder.simplenet.com/COC.html
EvilBeth,
From your profile, I see you work in a hospital, but you don’t say where. It sounds frighteningly like the Medical Records department I worked at while going to college. I was the only male for the longest time. All bitches, all the time. We had a whole cast of crazies. I was so glad when I moved to night shift.
The Slut: who would try to fuck every dr. that came in to sign his charts.
The mumbler: The lady never spoke a coherent sentance that I ever heard.
Big & Smelly: Was HUGE (and unfortunately worked nights with me) AND she stink, stank, stunk! She would SPRAY HER CHAIR WITH F.D.S.!!! I found out that during the day shifts that they moved her chair into a closet because of the dank odor of (s’cuze me) ROTTON PUSSY!
The Crook: The only other guy that I worked with there. His job was to go to the floors and deliver newly printed lab reports to the patient’s charts. If he didn’t feel like doing it… he would just hide them above a ceiling tile, and go fuck his girlfriend in the parking lot. I call him a crook, because one day for my birthday, he gave me a fuzz buster, with the power cord cut. (read Stolen) “you can buy a replacement lighter plug at Radio Shack”. Uh, gee thanks.
The list could go on…
Enright3
Shirley, I assure you that if I were worshipping David Hasselhoff, I would BEG you to burn me!!! Also, your work story was hilarious. I almost wet myself! Also, the thing about the potluck dish? People are always writing ROTFL etc. but I actually laughed so hard I fell out of my chair onto the floor and the security guard from next door had to come see if I was okay!
John, after I recovered from that I read your post. Sufficed to say, I had to excuse myself and go to the restroom. Maybe I should wear Depends when I read these responses! (Or maybe I should just get out more…)
Mojo, I do have a sticker of a pentagram on my notebook but they still touch it, not to burn it, to stick it between theirs so the “goodness” of theirs will rub off.
Enright, I work in the Information Services dept but amazingly, your description almost sounds like our medical records department!
Auraseer, I have been documenting the incidents just in case.
However, you must realize that I live in the Bible Belt (so called because those are the two most common objects used to abuse children around here) so I have not been successful in garnering much support for my harassment claim.
Of course, you have to realize this is the same hospital that allowed one of my co-workers to get away with racial slurs directed toward another co-worker because it could not be proven that she was not “just kidding around” even though the two workers were not friends. The girl girl doing the insulting would say things like, “I thought all of you guys liked fried chicken.” and (upon being offered a piece of gum) “Oh, of course it’s watermelon!” All of these remarks were followed by a small giggle and a shrug. Management gave her a “verbal warning” that some people take things differently than how they were meant and that she should be more careful.
Luckily for me, three of the security officers (we share office space) and I similar spiritual views so I don’t always feel persecuted but when these three women are around it just makes me feel tired!
Born O.K. the first time…
If you are born again, do you have two belly buttons?
Evilbeth- Here’s an idea:
If you’re all in a meeting, at the end (The anyone have anything to add? section) say that you’re so grateful to work in a place where religion and spirituality is allowed to be expressed, instead of ignored or supressed like most work places. Your tormenters will either give up because they’re not getting through to you, or your boss will not allow ANY religious imagery or activity on property.
I’ll be there
Where I’ll teach what I’ve been taught
And I’ve been taught…
evilbeth:
Hell with it. Come to work dressed as a Cardinal and ceremonially excommunicate yourself.
In truth, though, I empathize. We atheists don’t get much respect in Baptist Lubbock.
Evilbeth Geez, you fell out of your chair from laughing so hard. And here I was trying to get you to laugh a burrito out your nose
I think you should do something “special” for Halloween. Perhaps dress up as the Church Lady from SNL and suck lemons all day at work.
I don’t think I could ever ever live in the bible belt ( good crack, btw, about the two things people abuse their children with.) but I suppose the only lower place than that is the Chastity belt. <rimshot>
Perhaps you should have objects from all religions,Christianity, Buddism, Judaism, Islam, Pagan…etc on your desk. That way you can cover all the bases and get a bunch of bees up their noses.
t.
BTW, in general, I formally apologize for spelling Physco/phsyco wrong. I am fairly anal about spelling, but there is an old I Love Lucy show that always sticks in my mind and screws up how to spell the word.
Ricky: I’m lookin’ for a phsycologist in the phone book ( flipping through the book) S -Y…
Lucy: Ricky, it begins with Phy.
Ricky:An’ if I want to look up fitness I suppose it’s P-H-Y-T…That’s whats wrong with this language.
( Or something like that)
AzRaek–Actually I tried that. My boss just says, “If someone displays something you find offensive, just ask them to remove it and they should because we all have to work here together.” Of course, it has been proven that this does not work.
Shirley–I have tried bringing things from other faiths into the office (we don’t have our own private desks) but for the most part they ignore them. That’s one of the problems–for weeks they won’t do or say anything negative, sometimes they are even downright friendly, but then out of nowhere, it begins again.
One of the security guards decided to mess with them one day so he made his own sign to go under one of theirs. Their sign says, “With God, all things are possible.” and his sign said, “With the Goddess, all things are definite.” Did they take our bosses advice and ask someone to remove it? NO! They got Liquid Paper and whited-out the word “the” and the letters “dess” so that it read “With God, all things are definite.” Most days I feel like I work in a preschool!!!
Born O.K. the first time…
If you are born again, do you have two belly buttons?
Disclaimer: HardCore NitPicking Ahead…
Ahem. “psychopath”, says my dictionary. So, the correct spelling would be “psycho”. Just like the Hitchcock movie, that’s right.
I’m sorry, please proceed…
Coldfire
“You know how complex women are”
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
The “Grandma’s ashes” story reminds me of a theater I worked at where a few years earlier the manager had caught a disgruntled employee stealing, and for his trouble got shot and stuffed in the soda cup closet where he wasn’t found until the next day. At some point in time (I don’t know if it was before or after the occurrance) there was red paint spilled on the floor of said closet. Every so often some smartass youth would come in asking if “this is the theater where the guy was killed” and I’d get a great kick out of watching the color drain from their faces when I took them to the closet to show them his “blood” on the floor!
My psycho co-worker is not so much psycho as dumb as a box of rocks. I don’t know how she manages to find her way to work, she must have it written down and taped to her dashboard or something. I work in an orthodontist’s office and everything out of her mouth is bewilderingly stupid or unprofessional (or both!) When we explained to her that one of the chairs behaved oddly because a very heavyset patient had broken it, she followed up that explanation with “What did you say to him? Did you tell him he broke it?” and the kicker: “I’d tell him he broke our chair and couldn’t come back until he lost weight.” When I screamed “Good grief! How would you feel if someone said that to you?” She replied, blankly: “Oh, but I’m not that fat!” Other faves: “Do any of our patients have AIDS?” (what the hell difference does that make, and how the hell would we know that?) Upon hearing one of the patients is in foster care: “Why are they in foster care?” (none of your damn business!) and when informed that a lot of the patients seemed to be flaking on their appointments that day: “Why? Where are they?” (Huh? What am I, Kreskin!!!) Do I have time for one more? Ok, I’m taking some temporary, handwritten labels off some boxes, typing new ones, and replacing the labels. She must have watched me make 3 trips back and forth between the boxes (labels in hand) and the typewriter (new labels in hand where they would be put back on the boxes.) She says “Whatcha doin’?” What am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING? What does it look like I’m doing? Oh, man…that stabbing pain between my shoulderblades is back…must go medicate…
The new guy at work is starting border on psycho. My manager is out of town for the week, and I’m stuck training him. Yesterday, he let me know that he won’t take lunch break until they’re gone. Who they? I asked. Those Mexicans, he said, and launched into the I’m-not-racist-but-I-don’t-like Mexicans speech. I was stunned. He’s not going to last very long if I have any say–you can’t work in a hotel (at least in the US) that doesn’t have a big Hispanic staff. Plus he’s loud and a buttinski. And he claims to be an internet junkie, but has trouble finding the M on the keyboard.
I’ll be there
Where I’ll teach what I’ve been taught
And I’ve been taught…