Working in a call center, I once overheard two young women discussing why one of them had broken up with her boyfriend. As it turned out, her reasons were twofold. Partly it was because the guy was simply too big, locally, for her comfort; and partly it was because she had caught him cheating on her. Inappropriate as THAT conversation was to have between cubicles, it got much worse. The dumper said that she when she came upon her BF and his honey, she had to stop and watch in amazement because of the honey’s ability to orally service the organ in question. She hadn’t believed that ANYONE could take it.
As awkward overhearing the conversation was, having to tell them that I had overheard it all was even worse.
I have a coworker with a whole host of these conversations. Most recently, she was claiming that her Idiot Sister had taken it upon herself to reduce the feral cat population in her rural neighborhood. When the neighbors started complaining about her firing a .22 in the yard, she decided to slit the cat’s throats in her bathtub.
This coworker is a veterinary technician. She was telling this story in a “isn’t this funny and weird” way, not in a “and then I called the cops on her” way.
She could have seen several sorts of porn without seeing that, methinks. Although as I recall her astonishment stemmed from the fact that it was a – how shall I put it – a civilian accomplishing such a feat.
The official policy is to not share details of why an employee was fired, but I heard about my predecessor, who faked expense reports from travel. And then there was a clinic employee who used a patient’s credit card number, which was run to pay the patient’s co-pay. It was a snap figuring out who’d misused the card, as the employee used it to pay her own utility bills. :smack:
And ever since I bought rabbits, it seems like everyone finds it necessary to tell me horror stories about their experiences owning rabbits. At least three different coworkers told me tales of pet rabbit neglect, abuse, and death, whether accidental or caused by themselves/other people/other pets. Great. Thanks. Do you think that someone who you know is a vegetarian and is all happy about her little fuzzy baby bunnies might be, oh, just a teeny-tiny bit of a softie about animals and might find your tales the stuff of fucking nightmare fuel? Jesus Christ on a pogostick. Now that I’m aware that apparently something about others owning rabbits makes people babble, “Oh hey, we owned rabbits when I was a kid and (blah blah blah about death and misery),” without the least amount of cautionary words to start it off, I’m going to stop everyone first and say that if it’s bad, I don’t wanna hear it.
Back in 1981, the small company I worked for was owned by one of the most misogynist men in existance. He only had two women working for his computer company, one being the secretary and the other being a much-abused woman who had successfully sued the fuck out of him for sexual harassment and therefore could not be fired without another huge court settlement.
Then this fucker had the brains and foresight to buy an Electric Typewriter sales company. Yup, purchase a company selling IBM Selectrics and other extremely expensive typewriters just as desktop computers are starting to hit the workplace. Brilliance! Couldn’t have happened to a nicer man. Oh, that company had something like 20 employees at the time, all female. Every. Last. One. Quit. Except the manager, who agreed to stay on as part of the turn-over. As part of the deal, my company inherited a multiple year lease on some extremely expensive office space, with no escape clause. We had to use it, so our small programming staff got moved there, because he couldn’t stand us.
Well anyway, the sales manager (female) is in one of the offices speaking to a client (female), when one of the boys club sales guys from the computer side decides to come over, hang out and chat with one of the programmers. In very graphic, detailed and misogynistic fashion, within earshot of the female sales manager and CLIENT, starts talking about how he picked up this ugly woman at the bar the previous night, took her home, had rough anal sex with her and then kicked her out of his apartment in a state of undress.
Holy Shit.
Why no, of course that salesman was not fired. He was just told not to tell such tales within earshot of any female employees.
1987; Columbia, South Carolina. My company has sent me to work with PMSC (Policy Management Services Corp) on some software they’re writing for my company. I was the programmer who supported and wrote the software then in use, and had written most of the specs for the new version.
One black programmer on the team.
Very first meeting with the Director of the team I’m working with.
Technically, this is not so much an inappropriate workplace conversation I have witnessed as it is one I have heard about second hand. . .
I have a co-worker who used to be young and innocent.
One day, during her young and innocent time, she listened to a couple of managers discuss blow jobs–in graphic detail and yet without giving her a clue as to what a blow job was. Eventually, one of the managers comment outloud on the fact that she must not know what a blow job was, because she was not reacting to the conversation.
Her shift ended, she went home and asked her husband what a blow job was. He declined to tell her, and told her to tell the manager “I never have, and I never will again”.
Puzzled but co-operative, she got most of the way to work before she figured out what she’d been told to tell the manager, and opted not to follow her husband’s advice.
While I assume she has since figured out what a blow job is, I don’t know (or wish to know) whether she has given any.
And then there was the discussion about whether we all knew someone who could enable us to buy pot if we wished, which was interesting (and amusing) but mostly harmless.
Wow, not as bad as any of the above, but I once had a coworker - who was extremely and vocally Christian - attempt to witness at me in the office. I was shocked and basically stuttered that I didn’t think the office was an appropriate place for this sort of thing.
A couple weeks later, I did her a big favor in the office, and to say thank you, she took me out to lunch. As soon as we were freed from the confines of the office, she once again began witnessing at me.
Nothing like a side of Jesus to make a tasty pizza.
Oh yeah, I had an uber-Christian coworker who witnessed to everyone, including other Christians. Apparently few people met her standards of what was the appropriate type of Christianity so she had to promote a better method or something.
We were in the process of hiring another office worker, and one day when I was out of the office, we had another candidate in. She was doing the ‘potential future coworkers ask you questions’ part of the interview, and asked the candidate whether she had any kids. The candidate mentioned something about this to our bosses, and at work the next day, I was informed of this - and not in a “oh hey, you know not to ask about this kind of thing, right?” sort of fashion, but in a ‘WTF’ fashion. That was when I learned that not only was I apparently kind of her supervisor - not in the sense that I had any power or additional pay/benefits, mind you - but that I also somehow was at some level of fault for this. Yeah. So glad I’m no longer working there.
I had a coworker who LOUDLY was talking (in cubicle land) to her very conservative friend about how she had to go to the sex shop at lunch to buy lube because her boyfriend was too big when they had anal.
At another job, a coworker complained that her kid’s cat had kittens and how hard it was for her to dispose of them by taking them outside and shooting them in the head with her husband’s 45. And then complaining about the cost of the bullets. Apparently spaying the cat was too humane and too expensive. Or FSM forbid that you NOT have pets if you can’t afford to take care of them. I couldn’t figure out how to call animal protection on her without her knowing it was me. And someone like her I didn’t want mad at me.
I always work in highly unprofessional environments. I’ve heard graphic details of most of my co-workers sex lives, just to start. As well as their history of drug and alcohol abuse and addiction, mistreatment of loved ones, crimes, and arrests (at one of my workplaces everyone except for me is a member of NA, so this is all in the past fortunately).
Way back when I was in high-school I worked in the restaraunt biz in the summer. One day this cook was telling some other guy some story about one of his daughters.
This guy had 3 teen-aged daughters, all of whom were pregnant.
So, he says to the guy, "Yeah, my youngest daughter is really fucking hot! She’s little and petite, just right for picking up and banging on your stick!"
:eek: Thats still one of the wrongest things I’ve heard.
You poor, sheltered little office people. Clearly none of you you have ever worked in a restaurant, where “you know how I know you’re gay? your dick tastes like shit” is passe. The most memorable inappropriate experience I can remember was Father’s Day 2009, where we spent an hour coming up with pornosized versions of classic movies. My manager was a champion at this, and had some real gems which I unfortunately can’t remember.
I was declared winner and the game was officially ended when I offered “Shitty Lickers 2: The Legend of Curly’s Stool.” Many high fives all around.
One of my coworkers is an enthusiastic deer-hunter with a habit for running over household pets. He knows I’m for animal rights and have pet cats and dogs and he regularly tells me of his weekly hunting excursions in graphic details. Or really anytime he kills an animal, someone he knows kills an animal, or in any animal-killing instance that comes to mind, he must tell me.
Last week he told me he hit a cat when he was driving down the street. He hates cats. After he ran it over he told me it was still alive but he doesn’t rescue animals (because they should know better) so he slit its throat to ‘end the deal’. Another time he told me he hit a dog. He said it was still alive so he shot it “right between the between eyes”. He also loves “killing bambis”
He also went into graphic detail about how his uncle killed an opossom they found in their empty trashcan. Apparently the uncle used a machete to cut the head off. A few minutes later babies started popping out of a pouch. He said “He took care of the babies”. I thought at first that he raised them but no…he clarified that the uncle smashed them up with a shovel.
I work in a medical facility so we have pretty strict rules in place about what we talk about so that’s really the worst of it.
Jeebus. At least he put the roadkill out of its misery. I was reading along and expecting him to brag about how he left them maimed and dying but not dead.
not me, but my mother, and not so much a conversation as an announcement but… When she was working on her masters degree, one of her professors made a rather bizarre announcement on the first day of class. He was introducing himself, telling about his academic history, etc, and finishes off by saying, “And I am a gay man.” Because that is clearly relevant to the situation…:dubious:
I consider this the mark of a Sociopath and would have NO issue with telling him this to his face and advising him not to tell me further stories under pain of complaint of harassment.
Years ago when I worked at Kinko’s the manager walked into the back office to cash out his register and the shift leader who was cashing out her drawer hadn’t finished yet (because she was talking to one of the back office people). He said, “Fucking fuck, Denise, finish cleaning that drawer or I’ll rip your god-damn uterus out and stitch it into a football.” He then did the Heisman pose.
There was much laughter.
Another time, years later, I’m the manager at a different print shop and my assistant designer was commenting on how our salesperson wore guyliner. And then he talked about how the salesperson’s wife was completely goth and depressed all the time. I said, “Goth chicks are awesome. Cry on mah dick!”
He later said, “That was the single most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard in a work environment.”
