Today, 10:28 a.m.
Auntie Em’s Coworker (in her office, talking to a client): “But, see, when you’re fasting for God, you don’t lose any weight.”
What have you learned via “unintentional eavesdropping” lately?
Mostly gossip.
A former employee here got divorced after two months of marriage.
Guy was a jerk…I hope she’ll be okay.
There’s nobody else in my row, or in the rows to either side of me, so I don’t get to overhear much. On the other hand, I get to spend a lot of time goofing off…
“The urinalysis came up positive.”
I thought one of my research assistants was knocked up (gossip central in this place) but it was just a study subject flunking out of the drug study we’re doing.
Overheard at work…
The woman in the cubicle next to mine was talking to someone about her rental property. She described grass that was tall enough to partially obscure a rusted out car that was, apparently, sitting on her lot for months. The car was, also apparently, owned by the one-legged man who ran a gay prostitution ring from her property. On and on and on…
My imagination is rotting because I have the real world around me.
Sadly, I’ve learned that yet another one of my co-workers is a narrow-minded, racist, conservative person who thinks that if you aren’t a good Christian and don’t have a flag sticking out of your ass, you can just “go back to where you came from”.
This is why I spend most if my time at work with headphones on. Ignorance is bliss.
Sadly, I’ve learned that yet another one of my co-workers is a narrow-minded, racist, conservative person who thinks that if you aren’t a good Christian and don’t have a flag sticking out of your ass, you can just “go back to where you came from”.
This is why I spend most if my time at work with headphones on. Ignorance is bliss.
That one of my co-workers is nuts. She calls her house and leaves messages for the dog(!) on the answering machine: “Hello, Bowser (not his real name)?.. Be a good boy…I’ll be home soon…”.
All delivered in this eerie singsong voice with weird emphathes. Mercy, mercy, mercy.
I overheard this as I was leaving the movie theater after seeing the new James Bond flick, “Die Another Day.” The guy exiting the theater in front of me turns to his companion and says, “That movie wasn’t very realistic, was it?”
Yes, “Die Another Day” stands in stark contrast to every other James Bond movie since 1968, all of which are noted for their strict adherence to realism. 
That the girl in front of me really likes the new Missy Elliott song. She must’ve sang it to three of her friends on the phone a few weeks ago.
“You know, that song that says ‘Keep your eyes on this ba-bom-ba-bom-bom.’ and then talks about her shaving her cho-cha.”
And the guy two seats in front of her gets way too many personal cell phone calls at work. And his phone is so loud it can be heard over half the floor.
And that the extremely obese woman on the other side of the floor has a tendency to smell up the bathroom when she’s using it, and it’s not “a poopy smell” either. And that the people talking about her believe they’re going to burn in hell for saying such rude things. (So why say it?)
Nothing spectacular by any means. But stuff I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t work here.
I heard this a while back, and it made me realize how old I am getting: “Axl Rose? Who the hell is that fat, old queen!”
Pretty damn funny, though!
I told her I wanted to make love to her badly. She said I would have to do better than that.
A girl two cubes away was going on and on about queefing, of all things. Why she thought it happened to her, what positions seemed to cause it, etc. ad nauseum, all in stark detail. After about ten minutes (I’m underestimating, if anything), she finally stopped, and one of the women she was talking to said “Hey Winston! Did you get all that?” (It was lunch-time, and the office was otherwise empty) I said “Yup!”
After that incident, the girl was overtly hostile towards me. And while I have nothing against 15-year-old high school dropouts with no morals and filthy filthy sex lives, it was a trial working in the same office with her due to her terrible attitude towards me. It wasn’t my fault she was running her mouth and didn’t know I was there. Sheesh.
It was amusing to hear, “Don’t even step to that bitch, or I will dominate you ass.”
I still use that myself.
“There MUST be Christian porn!”
– at a party last weekend, spoken in a voice loud enough to carry to the opposite end of the house
Diana spanked Jill’s monkey.
I know I know. Jill shouldn’t have a monkey. So either it’s a real one, or she’s AC-DC.
I wonder why she wouldn’t use the dog’s real name? 
On the busride home tonight:
Her: “The casket is still in the living room!” (In a very Brodie-like fashion, too.)
Me: :eek:
I sh*t you not. Apparently the woman bemoaning this horrible decorating choice has been too lazy to take down her Halloween decorations and put up her Christmas ones.
That’s cause you’re still eating for yourself, its God who doesn’t get any mashed potatos.
On a related-but-not-completely-on-topic note, there was once this great .wav file going around my old office. You would email it to someone and tell them to turn the sound up, because the file was really quiet (it wasn’t). They would do so and play the file, which was this guy saying (really loudly, of course): “Hey, everybody! I’m watching porno over here!”
That was hilarious, going around a cube farm.
“If it weren’t for the horse, I wouldn’t have gone to college.”
Thanks to Lewis Black.