“Queefing”?
a35362 - please, for the love of puppies, go Google that! Let’s NOT discuss it in “stark detail” … I just ate dinner. 
I just over heard that there are going to more layoffs. The big question seemed to be whether to lay people off THIS week or wait until after the company holiday party. Oh the fun times.
Yeah, I had to look in the Profanisaurus for that one.
At a restaurant, years ago:
Two women dining with small child, the subject of artificial respiration came up. First woman gives a good, basic explanation of the process.
Second woman: “And you keep it up until they’re declared dead”.
(and I thought I had a negative attitude!)
Over heard in the cubicle next to me:
“I played with it, but he couldn’t make it work.”
Seriously.
Awww, stofsky! If you’re going to get to it before me, at least get it right!
“If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college…”
I forgive you, though- you probably got confused when the blood started to shoot out of your eyes.
While googling for “If it weren’t for my horse…”, I found this:
Speaking of horses-over the years- gems I picked up at my onetime avocation,horserace betting.
After a race a loser throws his ticket in the air and exclaims to no one inparticular " ** sonofabitch ** if a man could have one winning week here,he’d be a millionare."
A youngish looking guy to his GF/wife after hitting the last race " OK,we got the food money,if we win this next one,we can pay the rent"
One guy to his friend “can I borrow $2 from you?” Friend “Why you think you can finally pick a winner?” to which the guy replies,“Nah,I got $2 for the next race,but I’m hungry,I’d lke to get a hot dog.”
Those are the moments I cherish from my racetrack days,or as one of my tagalong friends on certain days referred to it-my office.
Back story: A young coworker was about 6-7 months pregnant, and was having trouble with the pregnancy because of her smoking, and the smoking of the people she lived with (boyfriend and his parents). Young pregnant coworker obviously does not want to accept the fact that her own smoking has caused problems with her pregancy. Neither does another coworker, the “mother-in-law” and fellow smoker.
I overheard the “mother-in-law” talking to another coworker, with a sarcastic, doubting tone: “Well, that’s what the doctor says—it’s because of smoking.” (Insert stupid coworker’s rolleyes here.)
Oh yeah. Don’t believe the doctor, you silly cow, or all the other medical experts who have made the connection between smoking and low birth weight, and have made this information extremely accessable to all. They know nothing, after all.
And yes, the baby was born with low birth weight. Arggh!
Overheard by a hairstylist, speaking to her co-worker.
“What do you mean, you can’t afford to go out tonight! I’ve got $20 bucks, and they’ve got two dollar shots all night!”
Other stylist: “But I won’t have any money to tip, so…”
“Tip! Oh, my God, whatever! I NEVER tip!”
This hairstylist was cutting my boyfriend’s hair…and as a bartender who works for tips–although, thank GOD, not at any bar this bitch would go into–I made sure to repeat this conversation to my boyfriend. BEFORE he left his usual generous tip on her counter.
Karma’s a bitch, too.
(spoken in French, when they thought I didn’t understand, by one mechanic to the other)
Do they even make brake light parts for cars that old* anymore?
I responded, in very poor French that I would like a newer car if they were willing to give me one for free.
*(Our car is a 1988 Renault Nevada)
If you like this sort of thing, try inpassing.org
(I’m not involved with the site in any way, I just enjoy it.)
But - if you don’t have a flag sticking out of your arse, how do they know where to send you back to?
Ah, someone mentioned comments made in foreign languages by people who assume that no one understands. Always a risky assumption. I have learned not one, but two things that way about myself. Way back in the 80’s, I worked as a clerk in a retail store. As I stood there, bored out of mind, putting price tags on some schlock with one of those pricing guns (do they still have those? I think everything is electronic now), daydreaming, two elderly German-speaking ladies came by. They looked at me and said in German, with disdain, “They don’t work themselves to death in here.”
The other time was just a couple of years ago when a couple of German tourists informed me on the crowded subway (unwittingly, of course) that I would be quite pretty, if only it wasn’t for my fat gut. Accompanied by howling laughter.
It’s really quite fascinating what people will say openly when they are convinced that no one can understand them.
I was startled recently, to hear the young woman in the cubicle next to mine say loundly (and in a very exasperated tone) “I think there’s a monster under my bed that eats all my pants!”
I laughed out loud.