Co-Workers say the Darndest things

Co-workers are good for a lot of things. Moving targets. Objects of jest. And occassionally, some inspiring deep thoughts. One of my co-workers shared this little bit of insight with us yesturday (precurrsor…I live in Austin, so remember the climate):

“What’s so refreshing about a Summer’s Breeze, anyway? I mean, summers are all hot and sticky here.”

Co-workers…gotta love em.

Heard over a cubicle wall, one female co-worker to another:

Look at this! Do you see this? He marked me!

Moron colleague:

“I so strange that there are more stars out in the country side. Guess they don’t like cities”.

Or “It is…” :smack:

Crap, seem to have lost my spelling around here somewhere…

This is from a dorm neighbor when we went out to dinner and on the way back we were being rather stupid doing the head-bob and stuff.

We pull up to a stop light and I look at the car next to us, he’s laughing at us.

Being the eloquent guy I am I go “hey guys, the dude next to us is laughing at us.”

Matt the driver goes: Why shouldn’t he? We’re four white guys in a car.

Jeff Chung from the back seat goes: NO!!!

Matt: Oh dude… Sorry.

Your coworkers move? I’m jealous.

I worked with these two girls who always said stupid things, but here are the two I remember the best. Keep in mind with the first one, she had been working with us for 2 or 3 months. and the second one was after the girl was fired and working at the bakery were I went to pay for my wedding cake.

Girl A: “Do we have cinnamon rolls?”
Me thinking: Duh, you put them out this morning!

This is 5 min into a conversation on why my check didn’t go though for my wedding cake. (I was double charged for something from another buisness.)

Girl B: “Oh, you’re getting married? Congradulations!” :smack:

I have a co-worker who is a delight, but sometimes her mouth runs away from her brain. A couple of her gems:

“I wish Christmas didn’t come during the holidays. It’s too stressful.”

“When is Friday the 13th?”

A fellow with a southern drawl said, “We need to establish a central suppository for that data.”

Ouch.

Scott Adams sends out an occasional Dilbert email newsletter that is chock full of these things. Utterances from “in-duh-viduals.”

Overheard at my student job when I was still in college:

“Don’t buy your meat where you get your bread at; don’t get your man where you get your money at.”

A converstation with coworkers while working a dept store one summer:

<in the middle of the hair care isle, co-worker picks up a bottle of shampoo> “This is strange.”

" Why’s that?"

" There’s a black person on the bottle."

" So??"

" So black people don’t need to wash their hair."

" What???"

<she gives us a look like we’re morons> " Black people’s hair falls out when it’s dirty. Then new hair grows in."

" Where the hell did you hear that??"

Conversation continues while she tries to explain why she wasn’t dumb to believe this “fact” that was told to her by a friend.

Okay, I know I told this tale in one of those “Unbelievably dumb things people have said” threads, but I feel oddly compelled to share it again.

My 19-year-old coworker told me she wanted to go to Vancouver, because it’s legal to smoke pot there. I seriously doubted the veracity of this statement, and said so. She assured me that this was true, and while I still didn’t believe it, I just shrugged it off. I didn’t feel like having an argument on such an inane topic. But then I remembered a college classmate telling me she got arrested for trying to bring a tiny bit of pot over the Canadian border into British Columbia. I related this story to my coworker, and she said, “Whatever, I know it’s legal in Vancouver.”

Me: “But my classmate was arrested trying trying to bring pot into British Columbia. I seriously don’t think it’s legal to smoke pot in Canada.”
Her: “I don’t think it is legal in Canada, I’m going to go to Vancouver.”
Me: “Uh…huh? Vancouver is in Canada.”

** Great deal of confusion ensues. I wonder if she is putting me on. **

Her: “So, what IS Vancouver?”
Me: “Um…a city. In British Columbia. In Canada.”
Her: “What’s British Columbia?”
Me: “A province.”
Her: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s like a state. But in Canada.”

AHHHH!!! I can’t believe I had that conversation. Just thinking of it hurts my head.

This isn’t so much a stupid thing to say, but more of a surreal moment. I heard this from the cubicle next to mine, “No, don’t put crotchless panties on the monkey.”

It’s not nearly as bad as it sounds.

Thea is my tiny evil clone here at work. She looks as sweet as pie, but comes up with some really impressive bitchiness: once she looked at me and said, “Gee, I hope I’m bitter as you when I get to be old!” And when I came back to work with a cast on my arm, she asked me, "Did you piss off your pimp again?

I love Thea. She makes up for Pwincess Pwecious.

Eve - I think that working with Thea must be a hoot. It has to beat working with some of my co-workers who have been known to express racist comments without batting an eye.

A customer walks into the store and asks my coworker if we have anything for Valentine’s.
“Sure, everything we have is there,” my coworker said, pointing to the small display of candy and heart-shaped junk. “Plus we’ve got stuffed animals out the yang.”
“Are they fresh out the yang?” the customer asked.

When it was slow at my former job, I use to waste valuable time on line checking stock prices. ( This is back in the days known as When I Use To Care About Such Things.)

Anywhoo, my boss, a woman about 44, didn’t get stocks.

" If the stock goes up, you get money. *But * if it goes down, do you owe them money?."

My coworkers invariably forward any email that tells them to without checking the veracity first. I’ve given up on trying to tell them that there is no such thing as email tracking software, that antipersperants do not cause cancer, or whatever else is currently making the rounds.

At least one of the bosses has taken to checking with me before she spams the office.

That reminds me, the boss who checks with me sent me somone’s attempt at humor a couple of months back. The topic was Dubya approving a larger than normal raise for Government employees. I told her that it’s probably not true because the site the email linked was nothing more than an insult.

I also tracked down the boss of the moron responsible for that spam and forwarded it to him along with the message that his employees should be more careful what they email.