I joined a gym to get strong, as I was a total weakling. I especially want to build up my arms.
Also self defense is important to me.
The last 2 guys Ive been with say, Dont get too buff.
Why? I dont plan to get masculine, but Ronda Rousey is my unreachable goal.
Is this a physical attractiveness thing, or a I dont want my woman to be stronger than me?
Probably a bit of both !
Did you ask them? They are the ones who would know.
I always wanted to be like Sarah Connor in T2. But I didn’t want it enough.
Because they are ignorant about what working out does to a woman. It firms up a woman’s body, which makes her more feminine.
(It’s also possibly insecurity on their part: “don’t get too buff” could mean “don’t get too fit because it means I have to address my own inactivity”)
Maybe they feared that someday you might just choke them for saying something stupid.
My gf has horses. There is some physical labor she does daily; cleaning stalls, carrying 60 pound hay bales around, carrying 5 gallon buckets of water, etc. She also does exercises very day; planking(?), sit-ups, etc. Last summer she finished in second place in a handler/dog obstacle run. The guy who took first was 26 and had to go all out to win.
She qualifies as “buff”, but I think it’s great. She rocks a bikini at 64.
I’m a gym rat.
I’ve never met a woman who I though was “too buff.”
My son’s ideal woman is Sarah Connor in T2. I don’t understand the men in the OP’s life; I’d like to have looked like Sarah Connor when I was younger. I’m a few years past that ideal, but I’d like to be a bit more buff. I’d have to give up Coca Cola though, and that ain’t happening.
Well, ex was in a wheelchair, and my current is 130 lbs. I am 155.
I mean, there is such a thing as “too buff”. But that’s way, way beyond what the vast majority of gym members, of either sex, are ever likely to reach.
If a woman in the gym approaches “too buff”, she’s using steroids. A woman training naturally doesn’t have enough testosterone to produce exceptionally large muscles.
My ex said it wasn’t feminine.
Testosterone? Well, I went thru menopause ten years ago, and I take estrogen.
In general.
But, not always true.
There are some women with naturally high T, and the ability to put on a lot of muscle.
Your ex was wrong.
Ronda Rousey looks fine and feminine to me. But maybe your guys were thinking of female bodybuilders with very sculpted muscles?
Another possibility is that on some level they thought astronger more confident you wpuld be more likely to leave them.
I most definitely wouldve left my ex sooner had I been more confident/had self esteem. But I also wouldve been able to defend him, which wouldve made me more “useful” to him.
This isn’t a look that’s particularly ‘attractive’ … to me:
But for some people, it may be the apotheosis of what’s attractive, sexy, feminine, or desirable.
I also allow that even some of these hyper-muscular body building competitors may look significantly different when they’re not in final training for a competition, when diet, dehydration, and any number of ‘tweaks’ may come into play.
This lady, day-to-day and in ‘street clothes,’ may actually be my idea of a beautiful woman. I just don’t know.
As a guy who exercised a lot for most of his adult life, but spent little time in the gym, the first thing this look usually said to me (again, very personal) was “Four hours a day in the gym” 
Which meant values or priorities that were very different from mine.
But the fitness models, for an example? I think they look A.Mazing. That’s a different body type, generally.
Here’s to your health. You have to take care of you, and – hopefully – find somebody that understands just how attractive that quality can be.
People who are utterly ignorant about exercise might think ordinary gym-goers can quickly look like the women in @gkster’s cite. ETA: or @DavidNRockies cite just above.
The reality is that look requires good genes, monster 24/7 dedication, and incredible effort. Not the sort of thing a casual or even dedicated ordinary gym-goer will ever achieve. Of either gender.
Being charitable, I’d put the OP’s friends’ comments down to massive ignorance and a hunk of “Just say the first cliche thing that pops to mind when faced with a novel idea.”
There are plenty of less charitable interpretations already given up-thread so I’ll not belabor them. Only the OP has enough info to say which is probably their actual sentiment.