Piss-Poor Parent at the Public Park

The BBQ Pit
21

Don’t forget the chainsmoking teenage mother who talks on her cell phone the entire time without so much as a glance at her child(ren). I have these at my park. I, too, get latched onto by their kids, which isn’t such a problem because my 4 year old likes other kids. But when she’s smoking right next to the equipment where my child is playing… that’s when I get pissed.

[semi-hijack]

I don’t smoke and I don’t like my choice not to smoke taken away from me. I’d not mind if said mothers were to sit at the tables farther away to smoke while they ignore their kids (selfish bitches) enough to make them beg for a stranger’s attention. One type of neglect per day only please.

[/s-h]

22

Hah! Classic. :smiley:

Seriously though, it’s really sad to hear that so many people have similar stories about neglected kids. It just boggles me that someone could treat their own children so poorly that they’re forced to turn to strangers for scraps of validation. I simply don’t understand.
and mehndo–Why you busting my chops here? It’s pretty clear from your posts that you don’t care much for children so maybe that’s got you on the defensive. But you seem to be suggesting that I’ve done something wrong in this situation. I’ll be perfectly honest, when I saw the guy at the park yesterday the thought that he was maybe a sicko did cross my mind. He was a lone grown male, in an area targeted for children. And less tangible, but he just gave me the creeps. A bad vibe.
Do you truely fault me for keeping alert to me and my children’s surroundings? I didn’t start screaming at the guy to get away. I didn’t form an angry mob to chase him off with flaming pitchforks. I didn’t even scowl at him, or waggle my fingers in my ears. I simply had a fleeting private thought, and then pretty much tuned him out until I noticed him leaving alone a bit later.

Of course, I’m perfectly aware that his motives might have been pure and good–but surely you’re just as aware that they might not have. If you really find the idea that I even thought about it to be so horrible…well, good luck with that. I think you’ll be hard pressed to convince the parents on this board that they’re not even allowed to be protective of their children in their own minds.

23

Ha!
These are the names of our neighbor’s cat and dog!

24

I can see both belladonna and mhendos points.

The other day a friend and I (both 24 year old males) were in the park having a chat and generally relaxing, there also happened to be loads of children running about and enjoying themselves and we wound up just watching them and occasionally commenting on how cool it was to be 4 years old without a care in the world and also about our own plans for having children but after a while we both agreed that we felt kind of uncomfortable watching children what with all the possible connotations so we upped and left. I think it is a shame that society has become so scared by child kidnappings, paedophilia etc. that you feel uncomfortable just sitting near children when you have none of your own but at the same time I completely understand the parents perspective. Basically this old guy was probably just some nice old boy sitting in the sun, smoking a ciggie and thinking back on his own youth but it is not unreasonable for the possibility that he is sat there getting his jollies watching kids to cross any parents mind.

In summation: it is a shame that society is so scared by perverts that almost anyone can be viewed with suspicion but only the most foolhardy parent would never entertain the possibility that almost anyone could be a pervert.

I hope this post makes sense…i’m feeling a bit ‘peculiar’ right now.

25

Once again, Tull’s Aqualung ruins someone’s otherwise usually fair perception of a fellow human.

Mhendo has a point, though I think he was a bit over zealous in making it. And it wasn’t a hijack of the thread, since it addressed a point in the OP.

Bella, you judged the solitary man based on nothing but appearances and your preconceived notions. Of course, he might have actually been a objectionable creep. There are plenty of people that fall into that category. But, we don’t know anything substantial by the behavior you described.
As for the kid with the non-parent, this really is sad. I wonder how he will fair at later stages in life. Like when confronted with bullies at school. when he has his first crush, when he has questions about hsi life and its meaning. Hopefully, there is someone in his family who has a real (and loving) interest in him.

Or, maybe we just caught this woman on an incredibly bad day. It could happen.
Oh well, I’m not going to censure anyone. I think. Or have I already?

26

Because the argument above was pointless and is now over, I’m getting back on track here and saying I agree with WILLASS completely.

And I really don’t know how people can ignore their kids at parks like that, when there are only strangers around. Kids are strange creatures, and you never know what might happen when they are left to their own devices.

Just this morning my wife and I awoke to find eggs crushed on the sofa.

27

What was pointless? It all related to something in the OP.

28

The argument of samantics - mhendo’s coming in just to point out logical flaws in the OPs post.

Of course there were logical flaws in the OP; it was written to give the OPs feeling on specific people at the park. Feelings are not usually logic-based.

While mhendo was correct about the poor generalizations the OP made of the Park Folk, the OP has similar rights to hold the feelings he/she did about them.

Maybe it isn’t “right” to see an old guy smoking on a park bench at a potential threat to nearby children, but as WILLASS said, it’s the world we live in that concern for one’s children when strangers are about is both commonplace and understandable.

That, I believe, is the unspoken “middle ground” between the OP and mhendo. It should have all been understood, but instead we have people arguing over it.

29

I too, think Bella is out of line on coming down on the smoking man.

Actually the entire OP made me think Bella was a bit judgemental. Not that I agree with letting 2 year olds run around with wet diapers. That was wrong.
But get this. THE VAST MAJORITY OF CHILDREN IN AMERICA WILL NOT BE KIDNAPPED AND RAPED TO DEATH BY A STRANGE MAN!!! Maybe you hear about it on the news a lot but it really is quite rare.

So therefore it is NOT reasonable to suspect a lone man just because he is a lone man.
She later claimed that he had plenty to look at besides kids but chose not to do so. Was she watching the man the entire time? Was she watching him when she confronted the other woman? Bella seems to have perfect recall of the entire park and what everyone was there and what their motivations were.

Talking about the OP is not a hijack. Maybe you just want the thread to be Bad Mom! Hate Bad Mom! but that doesn’t mean the thread will be that.

30

You could have made your point (which had its merits) without being such a dick to belladonna.

31

My husband and I have a saying…“Other people are so OTHER!”

32

Hm. Simple, yet true in every way.

I like it, Marsie. If I manage to remember it, would you mind if I were to use it as well with my wife?

33

Yeah, that way when they become prostitutes 18 years from now, they won’t have to change their names. :rolleyes:

34

As far as I know, it’s not forbidden (still) to watch kids playing. I happen to go to parks alone on sunny days. Yes, alone, without kid or family! How suspiscious is that? What sinister reason could have someone to do such a weird thing?

Worse…I do enjoy watching kids playing, and if there are some around, I’m likely to look at them, when I’m not lost in my thoughts/dreams. These are strange kids. I don’t know them, and I dare LOOKING at them. I’m not sure why I’ve not been already deported to some Guantanamo-style camp, since though none can prove I’m a pedophile at this point, the evidences are overwhelming. Who in his right mind would ever watch a kid who isn’t his own? So, I should probably be put aside to prevent the horrific crimes I’m most probably planning.
I think a law must be enacted quickly, stating that anybody approaching within 20 yards of a strange kid deserve a 10 years jail term, looking in their general direction being an aggravating circumstance. Life sentence should apply if the accused is also a smoker, since everybody knows smoking is strongly correlated with raping children.
Now, seriously, I’m really pissed at this new form of parenting which consist in building a wall around children, and preventing any possible interaction between them and an adult, be it a “hello” or a mere GLANCE!!! (except of course interactions with adults which are statistically the most likely to actually harm the kid : the father, relatives, neighbors, etc…). And to assume that essentially anybody who happens to be in a place where kids are present must have sinister motives. Case in point : someone not going anymore to the swimming pool on wednesday, since in France there’s no school for kids on this day, hence there are many children at the pool. Parents looked at him funny (how could there be an unknown adult swimming in the same pool as my child? Surely he has some ulterior motive. That can’t be because he happens not to work on wednesday, either, being a teacher. Besides, he was leaving the pool alone, proving he has no kids, and as everybody knows, there’s absolutely no fathomable reason to go to a park or a swimming pool when you don’t have kids).

I’ve been brought up in the countryside, in a time and place where everybody would interact with other people’s children, keep an eye on them, talk with them,and even chastize them from their wrongdoings, even when the child wasn’t known (say, a vacationner’s child). So, the current trend seems even more crazier to me. But even without the countryside part, the evolution re the relations between adults and not directly related children has become totally paranoid and unatural. And the attitude displayed by the OP, who suspects anybody happening to be in the vicinity of his children, really, really grates on my nerves.

And for those who have missed it : most people like children, and a lot of people like watching kids playing, etc… because it’s pleasant and fun! Especially when you’re idle, on a park bench, with nothing to do except smelling the roses, dreaming and doing some people-watching. If a lot of people can’t grasp anymore the concept that adults feel warm looking at children, including strange children, then I must conclude that the evolution is iin march and that a significant part of the population is released with a brand-new kind of hardwiring causing ,them to be indifferent to our offspring.
By the way, I noted the OP’s unhealthy interest in the child who pissed his pants. She apparently was watching him thoroughly, touched him several times, etc…The mother probably should have turned her to the police for her suspicious behavior and creepy attitude (she probably didn’t because she wasn’t a smoker, hence less suspect, presumably). I’m not sure she should kept the custody of his own child, given the blatant evidences she has pedophilic tendancies. It would be safer this way, IMO.
I’m going to try to avoid looking at people walking their dogs, in case of I would be suspected of bestiality…

35

Get over thyself. I think belladonna has addressed this and even conceded the point already made my others. Why make your own self out to be some sort of misunderstood martyr?

36

belladonna, if that creepy chain-smoking man had been a creep chain-smokin woman, would you feel the same way?

37

Okay, I’m going to clarify this one more time–because I think some people are reading way too much into my comment than I intended.
Of course I do not suspect any and all men of being pedophiles, and I never said that I do. I’m aware that people visit the park for plenty of reasons, 99% of which are perfectly valid, and that they mean me no harm. I have interacted with strangers before, as have my children. As I said, we’re a pretty friendly bunch.

However, this man, on this day gave me the creeps. I don’t know exactly why, but it certainly wasn’t just because he was a man in a park–there were lots of other men there who didn’t raise my hackles. And it wasn’t because of his appearance–I can’t even remember what he was wearing or much what he looked like. And it wasn’t due to any “preconcieved notions” I had about him–until that moment I never even knew he existed! And, finally, it wasn’t because he was smoking. Fuck, I’m a smoker, so you guys should probably drop that totally lame tangent now, okay? No generalization was intended. I was speaking about one man, this one time–very specific, right? I’m sure not many women posting here can say that they’ve never gotten an off vibe from a strange man even once in their lives. Well this one guy gave me one.

Furthermore, I did not attack the man, or say anything to him, or bundle my kids up and leave or even fart in his general direction. I DID NOTHING. So why all this venom towards me? Jesus christ people. Some guy in the park gave me a hinky feeling! Is that a crime? I don’t know the kind of live experiences you all have had, but mine have taught me to trust my instincts. I won’t apologize for that.

And to Cranky, Gorgon, WILLASS and anyone else who didn’t read mortal offense into an offhand comment–thanks.

38

A guy I work with named his little girl “Destiny”. Apparently, it came to him in a dream (“Destiny, you leave your little brother alone!”) He’s a decent guy, and the only black Mormon I’ve ever met. I don’t bring up the stripper name thing with him.

39

Most of the people who named their daughters Destiny that I’ve come across were teen mothers. Make of that what you will.

40

I now have an overwhelming urge to go sit at a park.

alone.

and watch the children.

Lazlo, who likes creeping people out.