Was this the right thing to do? (Calling cops on a weird guy)

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m just looking for opinions on whether or not my wife and I did the right thing in this scenario.

Over Thanksgiving weekend my wife, our two kids, and our friend were at a park near our house. The playground was crowded and we mostly sat on the bench watching our kids or pushing our daughter on the swing.

I’m not the most observant person, but I noticed a guy who went over to play on some fake drum toy when my son did and was talking to him. I had seen him earlier when my son almost backed into him in the “kids under 5” section.

I know what some people are thinking; we are helicopter parents judging other people. Maybe we are?

My wife pointed him out to me again when he was standing next to a dog, which he didn’t have earlier. As he was leaning over the fence around the playground and talking to some kids there were other kids playing with the dog. I couldn’t tell if he was holding the leash or not but come on people, keep an eye on your animals when you’re in public!

I also noticed a couple other people obviously watching this guy, including our friend who is less observant than I am.

As we went to leave he happened to wander right by us so we asked him if it was his dog. He said “No, it belongs to the guy over there.” He agreed that it was sad the dog was tied up without its owner, and we mentioned something about how our two kids, ages five and seven, like dogs (trying to see if he mentioned anything about his kids). “Yeah, I like dogs to.”

Our friend, who had been sitting on a bench most of the time, mentioned the same guy when got over to where she was. “He was playing with all these kids and asking them if they liked ice cream. What’s up with that?”

By this point we were trying to decide what to do. I try not to be judgmental. But it’s one thing to judge people on their looks, and another to judge them on their actions. When I’m at the playground with my kids I try to leave other people’s kids alone. If they come up to me or if I’m playing with my kids and all of us get in a conversation that’s fine. But I don’t go up to kids I don’t know and strike up a conversation. Also, it didn’t seem like he had a kid there. He was talking to all these other kids, not just watching or talking to one or two.

Finally we decided to call the non-emergency number, figuring they could send an officer and do a “It’s Saturday and the police are just making sure everyone is safe at the park” kinda thing. My wife described the guy and why we were concerned as we took our kids to the bathroom in a nearby building.

By the time we were done (maybe 5 minutes) there were three police cars there. They were talking to the guy, who apparently did have a kid with him, and he was obviously angry. And of course we had to talk to one of the officers since we had called. We had a brief word with one, and quickly left, trying to avoid him as much as possible.
We felt awful. We just embarrassed some guy, who is probably just different, in public . I mean, I’m not the most socially-aware person; I’m pretty sure that I’ve been in situations where people were thinking, “That guy is kind of weird.”

Way of us to go for probably ruining some guy’s Thanksgiving weekend.
At least we got to talk to our kids about strangers since my son kept asking “Why was Dad talking to the police officer?”
Did we do the right thing in this situation, or were we just those suburban white people who are scared of folks who are different?

2

I think that this is one of those situations where reasonable people can disagree.

I’m frankly not entirely sure what I think, but I’m leaning towards the opinion that you did the right thing.

Even though he apparently was not there by himself, it’s theoretically possible that he did have bad intentions and was trying to “kill two birds with one stone.” More likely either he’s not very socially aware, and didn’t realize how his actions looked, or else he’s an extreme extrovert who feels a need to talk to every single person he meets. I do find it a bit odd that he didn’t mention his child. I’m pretty sure that 99% of men would want to allay any potential suspicion of their motives before it could get off the ground.

Perhaps this incident will cause him to reflect on his actions. Given what you’ve described, that would probably be a good thing.

3

So, he was standing next to a dog and making small talk with people? That bastard.

4

As a parent, I have mixed feelings about the scenario you described. My gut reaction was that you did the right thing, but upon further reflection, it’s such a touchy (sorry) subject that now this guy has the Scarlet letter on him. If he’s a local, especially in a small town where gossip is king and news spreads like a wildfire, yeah, I could see more than his Thanksgiving being ruined.

Tough call to make.

5

This is why they need to have cops at every city park.

6

Seems like you acted hastily. You talked to him and asked about dogs but didn’t ask him directly if he had a kid at the park. Maybe you’re not good at asking direct questions like that but I think you need to do that if you’re going to call the cops on someone. You don’t mention the amount of time where all this occurred but it doesn’t sound like you were leaving the park right away and you had more time to see that this wasn’t an obvious matter of concern. Sorry, have to say you over-reacted and made a lot of assumptions that you could have found were unjustified. Hope you not only talked to your kids about strangers but about being judgmental and stereotyping people.

I don’t want to be overly critical either, being a parent is a tough job.

7

I wasn’t there, so I’m not going to second-guess you on the vibes you may have gotten, but on the cold record, this looks to me like it may have been an over-reaction. The fact that you didn’t pick up that he was there with his kid is kind of what makes me think you didn’t collect enough information to make the decision that you did. I don’t mean to dump on you, and I recognize that you’re trying in good faith to do the right thing. I’m just offering some thoughts.

The incidents you describe might not have seemed troublesome from another perspective. Was he playing with a bunch of kids and asking them about ice cream, or was it the sort of instance you describe where other kids came up and joined while he was playing with his kid? I will sometimes prompt my four-year-old to try to engage in conversation when he meets a new child, and I suppose there may be times when that might sound like I’m conversing with the other child myself. Note too that from his perspective it may have seemed slightly odd that your friend, who is there without a child, was listening to him.

He may have gone up to the unattended dog because his child did, and he wanted to supervise the interaction. I would in such a situation.

What did he say to your son?

8

If it were a small town, someone at the park would have known him already. The very factors that contributed to a whole crowd of people that didn’t know or talk to each other at the park also suggest there won’t be any permanent damage from the incident.

9

  1. REALITY is different from TV. TV has many people thinking every stranger is a mass murderer or pervert/child molester. This IS NOT the case in real life!

  2. What law was this man violating? Police enforce the laws, so if he breaks a law, THEN call the police on him.

10

I hear what you’re saying Manda JO, but context in a situation like this is king. I’m probably projecting here, but if I was at the park with my kids and saw three cop cars pull up to talk to one guy, my first impression would undoubtedly be: he’s a predator.

The whole “stranger danger”/pedophile/sexual predator notion is so deeply ingrained (at least here in North Jersey) in hometown life that I can imagine other people getting the same first impression, hence, why I think that this goes beyond normal embarrassment for the guy in the above scenario.

11

If he had been there on his lonesome without a kid, then I think you had the right suspicions, but since he did have his kid I think this turned into a witch hunt - at least from his perspective it surely seemed like a witch hunt.

Not criticizing the OP but I think this incident leaned slightly more towards the side of paranoia. Again, the OP’s suspicions were justified, but then again there’s always some element of “reasonableness/justification” in fear/paranoia.

12

Nothing is wrong with listening to your spidey sense. Ever.

Definitely keep your eyes on your kid and the guy.

Calling the police though, seems like complete over reaction to me. He didn’t actually DO anything damning.
Instead you projected your fears onto his innocent actions, thereby misinterpreting them.

It seems like simple patience on your part would have revealed his behaviour as innocent, in the end. Instead you jumped the gun on no evidence, just a feeling, and called in the police. On an innocent parent in the park with his kid, simply making friendly conversation with others.

How would you have felt if that had been you and your kid? Pretty shitty I’d bet.

That’s my opinion anyway, since you asked.

13

Yeah from your post I am fairly comfortable saying that you acted like an asshole. You wanted to be the hero and looked for stuff to confirm your suspicions. You spoke to him, you could not have asked if one of the kids was his?
Assholish par excellence.

14

Obviously, in retrospect, it would have been better to just ask the guy “Which kid is yours?” when you were chatting. I mean, that’s usually one of the first questions when I chat with another adult at a playground; it’s hardly impolite or prying or anything, more an opportunity for them to proudly show off their wonderful kid.

And, if a parent of one of the kids is being friendly with the other kids, I don’t really see that as bad-- if he’s interacting, that gets me off the hook! (time to check the Dope on my cellphone…)

15

Ok you decided to call the cops saying in essence, “potential pedo in park playing with pediatrics” and you thought the outcome would be a polite and subtle inquiry? How did you think the police was going to react? In what bizzaro universe would they not come out full force?

16

So a guy took his kid to the park, interacted in a friendly manner with kids, and you found it suspicious because… some weird stranger danger paranoia? Yeah, I think that calling the cops on a father for playing in the park with his kid and being friendly to other people in the park is a bad call.

17

Tone it down a bit. You’re walking the line of jerkishness, here.

18

Will do as ordered. :slight_smile:
But, he asked for opinions directly.

19

Of course, and there’s no requirement that you agree. But there are still boundaries for how you express said opinions, so your cooperation is appreciated. :slight_smile:

20

Am going to be in the minority here, but I don’t think you guys overreacted… his behavior did sound rather odd. What adult willingly engages in conversation with unrelated young kids that they are not in direct responsibility over (teacher, babysitter, etc)?

That said, Quercus was spot-on with asking more questions before calling the police, next time.