From another thread:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812257
Wow! The world has really changed. When I was a young kid adults did this frequently with me. And none of them were pedophiles.
This is how American society has gradually boiled the frog. Paranoia has gradually moved the Overton Window until it has become the norm. Now many people like to perceive situations as “Person X is a threat until proven otherwise.” Airports, playgrounds, etc.
Random strangers would start up conversation with you on the street? Wow. Color me skeptical.
And, growing up in the 80s-90s (not in America, mind you- but in a country where after age of 10 or so, you got sent outside ‘to play’ without supervision until dark), I do not believe I was ever approached by a stranger on the street just for a ‘chat’. (I would have found that very, very weird, if one did.)
There’s 0 reason for an adult to do so, unless they think the child is in immediate danger for whatever reason, or they are a teacher/guardian/other familiar person. Kids are simply -not that interesting-.
Edit: Missed the edit window for another thought— > heck, if a random stranger started chatting me up now on the street as an adult, I’d find it very, very weird. I’d also be able to tell you that they either asking me for money (98% of the time), or are lost (2%).
If random kids say hi to me, I say hi back, then I say hi to their parents. I walk a bit, and this sort of thing happens. I say hi and keep walking. I don’t stop to chat.
In a restaurant where they’re with their parents, I have no issues speaking to them, but I don’t ask questions or drive the conversation.
I talk to kids all the time, but their parents are usually within earshot and I’m a middle aged woman. So, that may make things slightly different. However, I disagree that children aren’t interesting. Most of them are fascinating little mini-humans.
I’ll talk to kids whose parents are friends of ours, or who are my sons’ friends, etc…
Usually, it’s in an effort to not seem like a dick- if there’s like an older sibling standing around while the mothers and younger children are doing something, I’ll usually say hi, and make small-talk, just like I would if anyone else was sitting there.
But some random kid at the grocery store? Not too likely, unless they’re doing something like waving an X-wing fighter toy around, and I might say “That’s a cool x-wing.” or something similar. I don’t strike up conversations though.
I don’t think that’s what he said at all. You’re inserting “random” and “on the street.”
Even looking at the context of the original thread, we’re talking about someone who talked to a boy who backed into him in a store, then again when playing with toy drums. Both of those seem reasonable, friendly behavior. (Although, I have to admit, the behavior seems increasingly creepy when the guy show up again later at the park.)
I try to treat kids exactly the same way I treat adults when it comes to conversations. So I don’t approach random adults on the street either, but if we’re at a party, I’ll make small talk with whoever happens to be sitting nearby regardless of age. I’m probably more interested in what Tommy built out of Legos than I am in his dad’s boring job anyway. Or maybe we’re sitting nearby at the doctor’s office or a bus or in a movie theater. If I’d say something to an adult, I’d say something to a kid.
The only exception is I do watch for kids who might need help. If there is a kid who looks alone and lost, I am much more likely to approach and ask if I can help. I figure an adult (even a teen) is old enough to ask for help if they need it, but I’m watchful for younger kids.
To me, all of this is entirely appropriate.
And, let’s be honest: a kid is much more likely to be molested or kidnapped by a family member than a stranger. You might as well tell kids not to talk to their father.
Not sure the purpose of this thread as opposed to the one it references. In the referenced thread it turned out the ‘weird’ guy talking to kids was at the park or playground with his own kid, which the OP and others didn’t notice and called the cops. Runaway paranoia, big time, IMO.
My kids are grown, no grandkids yet, occasionally am with my grand nephews/nieces, and some kids like my dog and come over, but I’m careful, because IMO people are f***ing paranoid nowadays about this kind of thing. But the impact depends on your general outlook. I pretty much associate with my own family nowadays, because I don’t like a lot of aspects of modern society at large, but have no interest in arguing with people nor under any illusion I’ll change people’s minds. There’s still a lot of craziness now, IMO.
If I saw unattended kids misbehaving I might say something. By misbehaving I mean doing something dangerous or bullying. But I’d keep my comments short and not linger. If a kid said something to me I’d respond in some minimal way but keep it brief and polite. I don’t want to be seen hanging around unattended kids because of what happened in the thread that spawned this one. Too many people are paranoid about stranger danger making me paranoid about being identified as a stranger.
Or so you thought…
Well, perhaps not. But the fact remains, whether you agree or not, adults chatting up unrelated kids is absolutely socially verboten. If a stranger tried to talk to any kid I had responsibility for, at the very least I’d worry that they were mentally unstable.
This is also true. Heck, just the other day at the grocery store, a random (adult) stranger started asking me questions about energy drinks. I didn’t think much about it until he started asking if they conflicted with medication :dubious: – umm, maybe you should ask your doctor or pharmacist about that.
I often talk to kids I’m not related to. But if a kid approaches me and asks, “Can I pet your dog,” I may reply, “Sure, but you should ask your Mom or Dad first.”
I try to be careful, because
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I KNOW some people are likely to think the worst, and
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Even though I’M harmless, the next adult might not be, and I’d prefer that little kids check with their Moms and Dads before automatically trusting ANY adult male.
There was no store. All those encounters happened in the park.
I don’t usually strike up conversations with strangers of any age group, unless it’s necessary, and I’ve rarely found it necessary to talk to a random strange child. But, I’m not very outgoing. Outgoing adults did talk to me, when I was little, in the 80s and 90s, although most of the time, my parents were in earshot.
Not “in the street” since I don’t spend a lot of time there, with traffic and all, but in public, strangers talk to me all the time. Since I was a child, with no drop-off in frequency, right up to the present day adult life I’m currently living.
You’ve never sat next to a talkative person on a plane? Or at a restaurant? Or a book store, bus, doctor’s office, mechanic, or just had a bored cashier talk your ear off? This has happened to me my entire life. I know, because I’m a quiet, introverted guy and it annoys me to no end.
What planet do you live on?? (And can I move there? When’s the next rocket?)
I talk to kids fairly often when I’m riding public transit in San Francisco. I’ll ask them how old they are, if they like the book they’re reading, where they’re off to, basic small talk stuff. I don’t seek out the conversation but if I see a kid making eye contact with me, I’ll say hi and continue talking if they look interested. I’ve never, not once, had a parent be anything but kind and generous towards the interaction. Most of the time, the parent is the one prodding the kid to engage more in the conversation.
As for why I do it, I think it’s an important part of a child’s cognitive development that they interact with as many different people as possible in as many different contexts. They learn about different social relationships and what is and is not acceptable behavior in different contexts. I remember growing up and having conversations with strangers where they treated my concerns with respect and took me seriously as a person and such interactions had a pretty big impact on my life.
Also, if you ever order a pastry or something at a cafe and you notice a kid staring with intense curiosity at it, break off a tiny piece and give it to them. I’ve never seen such a simple thing bring so much unvarnished joy to a person.
This is great. The parent is right there. That’s a key difference.
If I were sitting next to my daughter on the train, and you started talking with her, I’d be a little uncomfortable, but only because I’m shy and introverted; I’d have no problem with what you were doing, assuming it was appropriate conversation and my kid was enjoying it.
But if my daughter were riding her bike at the park, and I noticed her some 500 feet away engaged in conversation with some dude I didn’t know who had approached her and started chatting with her, I’d be going over there real quick to check on the situation. If she was hurt or scared or otherwise needed help, I’d thank the dude. If he was just engaging in friendly conversation, I’d offer him a seriously hairy eyeball, because that’s not cool.
Some people have all the luck!
No, my random stranger conversations outside of hobby/work activities where folks are expected to be social are limited to being knocked up by bums for cash and an occasional cashier asking where I’m from, based on the accent. Had exactly 2 people ask for directions in the past 3 years. The cashier thing’s not happened in years, since moving to a larger city. (Where folks know to mind their own business.) People in the airplanes/doctor’s offices seem to be supremely content playing with smartphones or reading.
You’re more than welcome to come over to this planet, but you’d have to switch gender, develop an entirely unremarkable appearance, and an accent.
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
Given that the vast majority of men are not pedophiles, maybe instead you ought to encourage kids to be a little more trusting of adult males. Promoting a knee-jerk distrust of men leads to situations like this, in which adult men weren’t allowed to sit next to unaccompanied minors on certain airlines.
Black people don’t feel good when they’re treated as criminals just because they are black; men are likewise humiliated and inconvenienced when people refuse to trust them simply because they are men, and reflexively preventing children from interacting with strange men in a public, supervised setting like a playground deprives them of positive interactions.
This letter (“Thanks For Assuming I’m a Pedophile Just Because I Was Out with My Grandson“) could just as easily have been written by the guy in the other thread on whom the OP called the cops. Google “pedophile paranoia,” and you’ll get countless hits describing similar incidents.
Read the OP in the original thread again: not only were all three interactions at a park, the guy was there with his own kid.
I’d think worse of the guy if he didn’t say “hi” to the other kids at the park.
Friendly conversation isn’t cool? :dubious: I’d argue that’s kind of the definition of cool.
I think you’re assuming facts not given. Like, he was coercing her in some way to stay there and not continue on to the park, or offering her money, or telling her to come inside and get some candy or something. Which wouldn’t be “friendly conversation” anyway.
But “Hey there neighborhood girl, nice bike!” “Oh, thanks, it’s my new Christmas present!” :stops: “Look, it has fenders, and tassles on the handlebars, and even a picture of Miss Piggy! And it’s my favorite color, chrome!”
Not everyone who “engages in friendly conversation” is doing whatever horrible things you’re imagining. Maybe he’s just, you know, being friendly?
And I notice it’s always “some dude”. You would have no problem with an old lady talking to your kid on the way to the park, because old ladies aren’t all scary pedophiles, right?