Second of all, I like to talk to strangers, particularly children.
So I was on the bus today, and a mother and her young daughter got on and sat near me. Mommy started texting.
I complimented the child on her hat, and asked her what she was going to do today. She was telling me about going to auntie’s house when her mother declared “Ruthie! I told you don’t talk to strangers.” Then she grabbed the child by her arm and changed went to another seat.
We were on a bus. There were about 20 people on it. I was not touching the child, talking nasty, or doing anything I would find objectionable. But her mother acted like her child was doing something wrong.
How would you act in such a situation? What is your general attitude about your children talking to strangers?
I am a parent, and this mother is clearly a freak. I would never act that way.
But…I don’t know this person’s backstory. For all I know, she has an ex-husband or an old boyfriend that would love to kidnap her child. Maybe she has some valid reason to be EXTRA vigilant with her daughter.
Probably not, but just trying to find a reason for her being a freak…
I would’ve assumed you were being nice to my kid and not overreacted, I think.
My kids have (and had when they were younger) permission to talk to strangers if I was right there with them. When they got to be school age, if I was not there, they had to make good decisions based on the situation–am I in a store or public place and that person works here? is that person a mommy/daddy with a child? did I approach him or did he come up to me? do I feel creepy or nervous?
I don’t mind people talking to my kids when I’m nearby–the only exception was once when my daughter (10) was several feet away from me and a young man walked out of a back room in a public place, looked her over like she was a grown woman, and said, “You’re a really beautiful little girl.” I called her back to me without saying anything to or about him and kept her close the rest of the time we were there. To his credit, he approached me outside and apologized for making me uncomfortable but just had to tell me I had really beautiful children. Which is true, but still–it was weird and I still haven’t decided how icky it was. (It was the once-over more than the comment that bothered me.)
Having been present and involved the last time my daughter had to have vaccinations, I can tell you that I’m not nearly so worried about some stranger dragging her into a car without a vicious, screaming, writhing, fairly-advanced martial arts FIGHT on his hands.
I have no problem with my (soon-to-be) child talking to strangers when I’m with her. I’d like for her to learn how to have a conversation with someone you don’t know and to develop a spidey-sense of what is and is not appropriate for an adult to say to a child and the best way for her to learn that is to talk to people. I will make sure she knows that when she is alone she should look for police officers and other safe people or in a store to look for people who are employees there if she is lost or has questions about something, but otherwise learning to make small talk is going to be very important to her later in life and the earlier she starts getting practice the better off she will be in the long run.
I couldn’t keep my kid from talking to strangers if I tried - he just turned 4, and he’ll tell anyone he can find about his birthday presents, and the party, and anything else that happens to be on his mind.
I’d be more concerned about him bothering whoever he was talking to.
It seems to me that this is a separate issue from “stranger danger” and teaching your kids what to do if they find themselves lost or approached by a person they don’t know.
That parent is crazy. There is no harm, none, in a kid talking to strangers where the parent is sitting right there! What in hell was she afraid of?
I’m a parent, and I always thought the whole “don’t talk to strangers” meme was ass-backwards, and here’s why.
As a parent, one worry is that if the kid is on his own (that is, no parent or other trusted adult is there), the kid will be suckered by some adult or older kid with various sorts of bad intentions - whether a pedophile (actually very rare) or someone who wants to take their stuff or whatever.
A kid who is taught to “never talk to strangers” may be effectively helpless if they are lost or otherwise on their own. Everyone around them is a stranger! How can they go anywhere or do anything, get help if they are lost, etc. if they never talk to strangers?
What I tell my kid is that if he is lost, look for someone who can help him, like a bus driver, policeman, or (more common choice) a parent who has kids him or herself (thus likely to be sympathetic). Point is, if the kid chooses who to interact with if they are lost or scared, the chances are truly low that the person the kid chooses is going to have bad intentions … if the kid just wanders about, scared to talk to anyone because they are all strangers, there is all the more chance that a person with bad intentions will chose him to interact with.
I don’t mind if my children talk to strangers, especially if I’m right there. However, my ex and her parents are outright freaked out that someone will take the kids if they talk to them.
A few months ago my daughter, 5, asked me if it was ok to talk to strangers. I told her it was ok and asked her why. She told me her grandparents got mad at her for saying ‘hi’ to someone while they were walking. My daughter told me she liked saying ‘hi’ so I told her to go ahead and say ‘hi’.
I think it’s all the news suggesting that every stranger will kidnap or molest kids.
