First off, apologies to anybody, particularly any women, who is offended by the language I use here. You’ve been duly warned and I’m an angry, angry man.
Alright so we were young and all, but that’s really no excuse for a person to act in the self-serving, calculating, and just plain thoughtless way my girlfriend did. What’s really painful about this is that she might actually be completely innocent as to the the effects her actions have on people.
The way it panned out, over our almost four year relationship, is as follows. There’s not really a common thread to what she did, I’m just kinda recording it here for posterity, and to attempt to ascertain from replies whether or not I’ve completely dropped the ball sanity wise.
It all started out pretty much fine. For about the first year, we were very happy and she (seemed to be) a kind, honest person. We shared interest in similar areas of study and often found ourselves selecting the same subjects to study. She had often mentioned to me that she had had some sever problems with past boyfriends, things like having them cheat on her. In fact, the last three boyfriends had affairs (if you can call them that) which broke up their relationships. Fair enough, I thought. Then, there was a beautiful girl in one of our classes. Not that I noticed myself, save for a brief glance. I rue the day I cast said glance, because when we returned home I was berated for hours about being a dishonest cheat and a pervert. I understood why she should feel the way she did, and I loved her, so I redoubled my efforts to help her to recover from her problem with mistrust.
Fine and dandy, but another coupla months down the track the question of me accompanying her back to China to visit her family came up. I was unable to go, and was accused of being under the control of my mother who, having been until that point in time a thoughtful and caring women, suddenly turned into an evil controlling matriarch. Mum’s point was that it might be a lousy idea to spend a month in a country the language of which I do not speak, accompanied by a girl given to random bouts of jealous rage. I agreed with her and put her point as kindly as I could to my girlfriend. After a few days of anger, she calmed down and ‘recovered’.
After that, things went along quite nicely. I knew by now that she suffered from irrational fits of anger during the week surrounding her period (her testimony), so I made efforts to tread lightly, and she made efforts to mark the calender appropriately. Fine and dandy.
The year after that, we did go to China together. By this time I had actually started to have my doubts about her as an academic. We were both avid students of the social sciences, but while my views, like those of any other person, grew and mutated over time as I accumulated information and had new experience, hers tended to be naught but carbon copies of whatever her lecturer had most recently taught. Coincidence, it could well have been, which is why I didn’t say anything. While in China, she was very eager to show me all the sights, but also eager to catch up with her friends. So eager, in fact, that despite my being in tow for the duration, she often went for the entire day without speaking to me, and when she finally did, any indication that a friend wanted to chat with her meant our conversation would immediately come to a close.
Then came BEIJING. I won’t go into it but… seriously, tell me here… if you see a girl and a guy together, and they cover themselves with a blanket and sounds of kissing are heard from within… would the excuse ‘nono, he had his hand covering my mouth, you know. He was showing me the way this other girl tried to kiss him!’… wouldn’t that excuse sound just a tad lame. Needless to say, at the time, I was well pissed. The fact of the matter was, however, that I couldn’t honestly know what had happened. While I berated her for being so stupid as to create a situation in which a reasonable person would conclude logically that his girlfriend had kissed another guy, I had to accept that I couldn’t ever really know. It could either have been completely innocent but misconstrued, or an utterly genius scheme on her part. I chose the former and we kept on. I loved her, truth be told.
When we came back, I noticed she had started to expect me to write her essays for her. Her English was essentially a dog’s breakfast, so I had always helped her with grammar and what have you. Problem is, she had suddenly started to stay up late chatting online, sleeping in and missing classes… and expecting ME to pick up the slack for her, in subjects I didn’t study. Before you jump on the ‘what was Morgs thinking!!!’ bandwagon, hear me out. When I told her it was deceitful and dishonest, she…
She actually pummeled me until I gave in. I’d been kicked in the head at karate, suffered jointlocks so painful I cried… but for some reason being pummeled by a 45kg Chinese girl had me fleeing for cover - and I’m a big guy, 6’5" and a (tolerably) accomplished martial artist. I was no stranger to danger, haha Well, fair enough, and at this point I had started to feel quite the dickwit. I thought ‘I’ll put up with this for a bit longer and she’ll calm down… it’s probably only temporary’.
Later that year, I went to a mate’s 21st. Calm little party with about 10 close friends. She told me I should be back by 10:30. I told her to fuck off. She was CUT AS and got kinda shitty with me, and we agreed that a midnight return would be the go. Anyway, at the party… conversation was lovely and I forgot what time it was… at about 12:30 the phone rang and I remembered. My friend picked up and, smiling, handed the phone to me. When she screamed at me, they all heard her, and suddenly the fact that I was looking so tired, stressed, and sunken suddenly didn’t look so strange.
I came home and was subjected to a tirade of abuse and violence, as well as attempted strangulation. (no kidding). The fact that she was so small as to be unable to harm me at all didn’t really matter match, and I let loose with a hardcore tirade of vitriol that would make Pol Pot cry.
After this, things were a little sour between us but we continued to live together because exams were just around the corner and our shared lease couldn’t be cancelled without causing considerable strife to both of us. So we sat through things. Exams rolled by and I decided to sit her down and talk properly about breaking up, the universe, meaning of life and all that. She cried like the sans-baby Uma Thurman did in Kill Bill. She begged and pleaded and pulled at my clothes… and I gave in :smack:
I agreed that I’d wait until she’d returned from China before we discussed any serious matters again. She wanted to be with her family to ‘recharge’ before we got down to business again.
Then came the kicker. Even in this context it was a kicker. We were chatting online while she was in China, and she told me she’d changed and was now a much happier person. She said that if I wanted to break up, it was fine. She also told me plenty of guys had tried to pick her up, and said they were all really pleasant. I told her: what in the fuck is wrong with you!? When you know it’ll hurt you, you keep us together no matter what it does to me, but as soon as you start meeting nice guys and realise you can be happy without me it’s “yeah, whatever, break up, yeah”. Fuck that. I dumped her after some hardcore abuse. Worse still, it turned out her mates were only pretending to like me because we were going out. Christ almighty if the goatse.cx man could open any wider then he’d be a nice metaphor for this relationship.
So to sum up. What in the FUCK was that bitch thinking? That she’d just keep me around as long as I was necessary, regardless of what it did to me. My marks were the lowest they had ever been; I almost never saw my friends. I did it because I thought there was a mutual thing going on… I thought she cared for me as I did for her… as I wanted the best for her. I reckon it’ll be a good five years before I respect another woman. Jesus Christ what a bitch! I got pretty fired up as I wrote this… the breakup was about two weeks ago and I’m still in the ‘angry as a vengeful god’ phase. I still have fantasies about the horrible things I could do for revenge, to compensate for three of what should have been the most enjoyable time of my life being flushed completely down the toilet.