Place A Small Amount Of True Affection In The Seat Of All Human Emotion

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And the planet we all reside on will show a noticeable improvement.
(Just let the copyright lawyers figure that one out.)

In other news: I did not win the lottery.

Which, really, you could figure out. If I did win, I wouldn’t be posting now. I’d be on my way to Columbus to collect my giant cardboard check. “Woo! I gots me all the numbers right! Gimme mah big-assed check!” So it’s just as well I didn’t win.

With my new-found, fabulous wealth my whole life would change. I’d have to pick up a polopony (pronounced: po-LOP-o-nee) and join the Country Club. Or two. (I’d get two poloponies, just one Country Club.) Then I’d be all happy, trying to fit in at the Country Club. Then I’d find out they were all tittering at me for using the wrong fork to eat my lobster bisque. (Yeah, I know, you eat lobster bisque with a tureen. Wadda ya think I am? Some rube? I’m just using it as an illustration.) So then I’d be all sad. But not for long! I’d discover my True Friends would Stick By Me. Then we’d take the rich snobs on at the Annual Golf Thingie that’s real important to the head Country Club guy. We’d show determination and moxie (I wouldn’t show my moxie, unless it’s vital to the story. I have integrity.) and fair play and crap. Then we’d loose the golf thingie. We’d be so sad. Until the other Country Club people tell us that they really Learned a Lesson from watching us. Now they want us all to be in the Country Club forever! Huzzah! At the very end, we (all my True Friends) would be bowling, eating ham sammiches and drinking beer, just having a great time. Then you’d look around and see that the bowling alley is really the Grand Ball Room converted to a bowling alley. (Earlier, I would have said something like “The Grand Ball Room is big enough to bowl in!” or something like that.) And the rich, previously snobby, Country Club people are bowling too. Eating ham sammiches and drinking beer. (With no talk about lobster tureens.) Then you’d see the ex-wife of the head Country Club guy (“I’m leaving you Nigel!”) cozying up with my best True Friend (played by Lenny Clark) and she looks way hotter with her hair down and in a tube top. (Her hair isn’t in a tube top, she is. It’s real sparkley too.)

So, really, it’s just as well I didn’t win the lottery this week. I don’t like to bowl.

In still other news:
I was at the meat store yesterday and the butcher had his thumb in a big bandage. He said it was because he was using the meat cutter and wasn’t paying close enough attention and cut his thumb real bad. It should heal up OK, which is good because if he lost his thumb on a meat saw, he’d have to go be a Shop teacher or something.

Anyway, what I figure happened was he was weighing some meat and he left his thumb on the scales. (An old butcher trick, ya gotta watch for this. I know, I saw it on TV once. Then Alice was like all mad. “Sam never does that! Why I otta stick with my Sam!”) Only this time he was cheating some big Mob boss. So he, the big Mob boss, sent one of his goons to teach the butcher a lesson.

That’s what I think.
-Rue.

2

I must say that after an all-nighter paper marathon, there’s nothing better than taking a shower, making cappucino, and settling down to a brand new post by Rue…

Good morning! And by the way, I find absolutely nothing wrong with showing one’s moxie a little more often- as long as it’s tasteful, that is… :wink:

3

Good morning, Rue. Sorry 'bout you not winning the lottery – but if you’d joined that country club, we wouldn’t have the pleasure of viewing the inside of that wonderful twisted mind of yours, which would never do.

Also, it was perhaps a good thing that it was only the butcher’s thumb …

4

Do girls have moxies too? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a moxie. Is it big?

5

Just to let you know, I am your True Friend - so when you win that big lottery jackpot, remember that. My friendship and admiration go beyond ordinary greed. I love you for your mind, Rue, for your wit and charm. You could be destiture, living in a discarded Thermos bottle in a culvert, and I’d still be your friend. I’d bring you ham sammiches and beer and clean socks. Only a True Friend would remember the socks. That’s how deeply my feelings for you extend. And if you cut your thumb on a meat saw, I’d bring you an adhesive bandage. And a muffin, because we all know muffins have special medicinal qualities.

Yep, I’m you truest, True Friend. Even if you don’t have a big-assed check.
[sub]But if you did, could you spot me a coupla bucks??[/sub]

6

You know what they say Icey. “A good butcher can count to ten.” Or something. I’m not sure exactly who “they” are. So it follows, I’m not quite sure what they’d be saying. Maybe it makes more sense in Mandarin. But why little oranges would be talking about butchers…

Puddin’, I’m sure you have moxie. Just start sending me naked pictures (of you) and when I see your moxie, I’ll let you know just how big it is. (If you want to send NightRabbit the pictures too, for a second opinion, that’s up to you.)
-Rue. (Using the “Quick Reply” thingie for the very first time!)

7

Snickers, being my “truest, True Friend”, would you wear a sparkley tube top? (Blue eye liner optional.)
-Rue. (who wonders about a lot of stuff sometimes)

8

I didn’t win either, Rue.:frowning:

I didn’t think that I would… so I didn’t buy a ticket. It’s a long walk from Korea to the corner store for a ticket…

But I’ll help you judge how big Fran’s moxie is!! I’ll need the pictures, of course…:wink:

9

My Moxie is orange and has a picture of a dentist on it.

Nice story there Rue.

10

Just checking, and maybe this should go to IMHO (just this question, not the whole thread), but on Monday mornings, whe you see a thread by me, do you really read the title? Or do you just figure “It’s just Rue blathering on again.”?

See? The title to today’s… offering has really nothing to do with what’s inside. So it could be “Bait and Switch” which is frowned upon in these parts. But I did follow up on it with that first line. So I think I’m covered.

But if a lot of people are clicking in trying to figure out what the title is all about and feel cheated…

I just don’t want to cause trouble.
-Rue. (returning you to your regularly scheduled thread)

11

Why do I have a feeling next Monday’s installment will be a fishing story titled “Bait and Switch?”

12

May I pet the polopony (when you finally get your big-assed check)? And feed it carrots? Can I be your mallet caddy? Would you even need a mallet caddy, or are you just planning on getting a polopony without actually poloponizing?

Can we play lawn darts instead of bowling? I like lawn darts. Just not while we’re drinking beer and eating ham sammiches, because our hands would be full. And I like croquet too. I don’t know how to play, but hitting things with big wooden hammers is fun.

Wait - we’re going fishing now?

What?

13

Geez, that’s a shame Rue. I’m sorry you didn’t win the lottery. But it’s OK. I’m still your True Friend.

I mean, if FairyChatMom was busy making ham sammiches to bring to you in your culvert I’d run right out to the store and get you some clean socks. And probably some fresh underwear, too. 'Cause that’s the kind of guy I am.

And if you need help judging Fran’s moxie I’ll have you know that I shall not participate in any such ungentlemanly shennanigans. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind seeing her moxie, it means that I just want no part of such uncouth goings-on. If Fran would like to show me her moxie, that’s between her and me. And a gentleman never discusses such things.

Zap!

14

Hey there, Zap, the clean socks was my idea!! You’ll won’t get any extra True Friendship Points by stealing my ideas!! sheesh, some people!

As for clean underwear, I’m a little worried about you, an allegedly grown man thinking about Rue in his underwear. That’s just not right. It’s downright disturbing!! Now, if you were thinking about me in my underwear, that’d be OK, or if I was thinking about Rue’s underwear, that’s be OK, too.

ummm, fish? Where’s the fish??

15

Bah! And here I thought this was going to be about trying to achieve peace in the Middle East.

Nah, not really. I do read the titles, incidentally, but I usually figure that the topics will deviate at some point. So just 'cause you’re not interested in the title, you’ve GOT to read the thread just in case…

All this talk of moxie reminds me of a Bud Light commercial.

“You’ve got moxie. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.”

HE DRINKS THE BUD LIGHT!

(thinking of beer at 8am on a weekday - you’re truly dragging me down a garden path)

16

We already had my Big Fishin’ Story Why. I hate fishing.

And my polopony will be one of the non-poloponizing ones Ex. Just a polopony to get chicks. (With or without their moxie showing.)

Scout, while you’re down the path, ya wanna do some weeding? The Little Woman’s been on me about that, and I just don’t want to.
-Rue.

17

When I see polopony, I think polyp and telephony.

polopony.

There’s a joke begging to be made there, but for the life of me, I have no idea what it is.

18

A bit of affection in the seat? Is that like an affection enema? It sounds quite uncomfortable in any case. Do I have to have seat stuff?

L

19

A bit of affection in the seat? Is that like an affection enema? It sounds quite uncomfortable in any case. Do I have to have seat stuff?

L

20

I once worked with a woman who sliced off her thumb into the Roast Beast container (she had similar attention deficit disorder as your butcher). It was pretty serious. I think they threw away the meat, but just to be safe I didn’t eat any roast beef for a while. Then when she came back to work a couple of weeks later they had her slicing meats again, sort of a “get back on the polopony what threw youse” kind of thing.

You guessed it, off went the tip of her thumb again. I went vegetarian for a few more weeks.

I’m not commenting on her hair color and neither should you.