I have friends with a daughter who was about 14 when I met them. At that age, I saw her once at some kind of formal party where she had her hair, makeup, etc. all done up and was wearing rather formal clothing. Had that been my first meeting with her, I could fully have believed she was as old as 30. (In fact, my first thought was “Is there an older sister no one told me about?”)
That said, I think most guys do know, and just offer up the excuse because what else are you going to say? “Why, yes, officer, I knew that she was 16. Please take me to jail for a very long time. I’ve got nothing better to do.”
Hey, that guy finds himself in the unenviable situation of the Law implicitly expecting him to NOT engage in casual hook-ups with girls (or boys) he just met and hardly knows.
It’s worth mentioning that a lot of teens that look 25+ when dolled up and standing at a distance quickly reveal their age when you get closer and even more so when they open their mouths. And photographs demonstrating how old someone looks are especially useless: photographs leave out a ton and our brains fill in what we expect to see.
I can totally believe thinking a 14-year old was in their early 20s from across the room. I have a lot more trouble buying it after the people in question have been on a couple dates, or even had a conversation. At some point, there is such a thing as willful ignorance, and there are times when lying to yourself and ignoring the obvious doesn’t mean you aren’t doing something wrong.
There are young girls who, with a bit of make up and dressed up can easily pass for older. The level of conversation you’re likely to have in a nightclub or bar isn’t going to be a massive indicator. There’s intelligent 16yr olds and stupid 22yr olds.
There are also men who can sniff out jail bait and gravitate toward it.
I went out with a group when in my mid 20’s and one of them was a 16 year old girl who on sight and behaviour was more mature chronologically, mentally and physically than most of the girls present several years older. I’ve also seen children dressed up and they’re obvious. No straight answer.
My personal thought on the statutory rape scenario is that if you go into a venue that is licensed for 18+ or 21+ you have a right to expect that people present have met that criteria on admission, so if you meet someone you don’t need to ask for ID, that check has already been done.
If kids are getting in, cancel the establishments license.
But, as Loach mentioned, that’s not how it happens. Almost never does a guy get arrested for statutory rape after a one-night drunken hook up. What happens is a guy meets a girl in a bar, gets her number, calls her, sees her for a couple weeks or months, and then when her mother calls the cops because it turns out she is 14, it’s all “How was I supposed to know? I met her in a bar!”
And maturity advances in leaps and starts. A teen can be very mature in some areas but still have very poor judgement in others. Adults shouldn’t be taking advantage of that poor judgment to get laid.
I would agree that it could be a reasonable baseline assumption that people in a bar are the age that it’s licensed for, but I wouldn’t go as far to say it’s your right. In the US (I’m not sure where you are) it’s definitely NOT your legal right, and to act as if it is could get you in trouble. If a minor is in a bar, that presents a whole slew of issues for which the bar is responsible, including the risk of losing its license. If another patron pursues a sexual relationship with that minor, we have a whole other set of issues.
If you’re saying it SHOULD BE your legal right, I definitely disagree. Your personal responsibility isn’t mitigated by the establishment’s responsibility.
Although this reminds me that the OP didn’t specify bars in particular, and as another poster pointed out already, I think that very, very few statutory rape situations involve a bar pick-up scenario in the first place.
Eh. I know a lot of women in the 25-30 range whose maturity level (physical and behavioral) is right about where you’d expect for a teen. I dated one of them for a while; I found myself making frequent allusions to the fact that she was 25 to avoid potential legal scrutiny.
OTOH, I’ve had to back off when I found out a girl was underage. It does happen, and probably more to someone like me who doesn’t hang out in bars.
And that is noble, but there are many men who would not back off. I was a well-developed teenager and from 13 or so on, I’d regularly (read: more or less daily, if I went in public) get hit on by adult men-- like, 30+ adult men. I would always say, “Dude, I’m [insert age]!” Three out of five men would offer a quick apology and scuttle off, but then there would always be the couple who would leer at me and go, “I don’t mind, baby. . .”
Gross.
My point is, I suppose, that my experience says that there are definitely a bunch of creepy wackos int he world who want to bang out teenagers. Something tells me that the weirdos who were so intent on fucking 13 year old me probably would have also claimed the, “I had no idea! I thought she was 18!” excuse, but. . .c’mon.