Playing the Lottery w/ Someone Else's Money

In My Humble Opinion
1

My dad lives in a place where he cannot play the lottery. So, he’s asked me to play for him. I don’t play the lottery. Ever. I have never gambled (beyond family card games where the ante is less than $1) in my life. Personally, I don’t like gambling. And I don’t feel comfortable doing it for someone else. Even if it is their money. (He’s sending us money to gamble with.)

So, I have refused to buy the tickets. My husband is buying them instead and seems to be okay with that arrangement, as he understands/respects my feelings about it. But my dad is upset that I won’t buy them for him because it would be more convenient for me (true) and he feels like he’s putting my husband out. He has said that he’s disappointed that I won’t do this small favor for him when he’s been there for me (which is absolutely true).

On face, it seems harmless, but I can’t get over my distaste for it.
[ul]
[li]He’s only using disposable income, so it’s not like he can’t pay his bills or doesn’t have any savings. The money is set aside for entertainment, so perhaps it just means he doesn’t go out to the movies as often.[/li][li]Being for entertainment purposes. He gets enjoyment from the anticipation of the possibility of winning.[/li][/ul]

So, while I can say that I think it’s a waste of money (and I don’t have a good relationship with money to begin with), I can’t say it’s financially destructive for him.

I just don’t get the entertainment value of playing the lottery. Logic tells me that the odds of winning are infinitesimal. I do enjoy playing the mind game, “What would I do if I had oodles of money?” But I don’t think I’m going to get oodles of money unless I work very, very hard for it. Matter of fact, I’m pretty certain that I’ll spend my entire life without oodles and oodles of money, given the odds. It would be nice, but I’m not counting on it. It’s just a dream. I can’t see the entertainment in not winning time and time again. Might as well just light the money on fire and enjoy the beauty of the dancing flame.

I don’t appreciate the justification of “helping the schools” as it represents a tiny portion of the schools’ budgets and I can’t really see the significance of that. You can throw all kinds of money at schools and they’ll still cut programs, if they don’t budget it properly. It’s sad to me that the very people who are usually financing this type of investment are the people who need it the most. It seems awfully manipulative. If you think school’s need more money, vote for levies, donate, whatever. But where’s the fun in that? The argument that the lottery helps schools appeals to people’s baser instinct: what’s in it for me?

I can’t seem to make my dad understand that asking me to play the lottery is asking too much and goes against my personal principles. That’s asking a lot of even someone you would “do anything” for. Surely, he knows there are things he wouldn’t do for me, but this seems so trivial to him.

Is it really that trivial? Or am I right to stand my ground here? What say you, dopers?

2

I say get over it and be nice to your dad. I once volunteered in a place that did reading for the blind (recorded). All the new volunteers would come in expecting to be taping excerpts from The Economist and Atlantic Monthly and the like, and were disappointed to find that most requests were for People and Entertainment Weekly.

Its harmless and legal, so don’t go projecting your biases onto your dad.

3

Your dad isn’t asking you to play the lottery for him, he’s asking you to run an errand for him. You are certainly within your rights to refuse, but only (in my opinion) if you find the errand itself distressing, not the fact that you are helping your dad do something you think he shouldn’t do.

For example, if I asked a vegetarian friend to pick me up a pound of ground beef the next time they go to the store and they refused, I would completely understand. If I asked a vegetarian friend to pick me up a can of soup and they refused after reading the label and finding out it contains chicken broth, I’d think they were being a dick.

4

I pick up a lottery ticket once in a great while.

$1.00 is the price of a cup of soda, ten minutes at a movie, a bus ticket, half a magazine…in other words, not a lot. If you treat it as $1.00 worth of entertainment, sometimes it makes sense. There is that tiny bit of anticipation, the occasional additional fun of winning a couple bucks or a ticket (I always go for the ones with the lowest prizes because the fun isn’t thinking your going to get rich, it’s getting one of those one with six one dollar prizes on it).

The moment gambling stops being “this is about spending five dollars on entertainment” and starts being about getting money or making up your losses, it is a problem. But I’m betting this isn’t that.

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill here. Gambling, like most vices, can be perfectly fine and even make life richer if it is used honestly and moderately for pure entertainment value. When were talking about a poor old guy that wants to indulge one of his small joys at a time when his chances of whiling the days away on wine and women are probably pretty small. This is a bonehead time to take a black and white stance on a minor issue. Just indulge him a bit.

5

Seems to me that your principle is venturing into irrationality. There are plenty of problems with people playing the lottery excessively, but you clearly state that none of those problems apply to your dad. The only reason you give is:

Maybe this will help:

The lottery is not about people getting rich; as Dorothy Parker put it, your odds of winning are basically the same whether you play or not. The lottery is a vendor of something incredibly valuable, which is why so many people shell out so much money to play.

The lottery sells hope for a dollar a day. Not the actualization of the hope; all they sell is the wonderful sensation that great things are just around the corner; the daydreams of “how I’d spend it,” the anticipation of security, of feeling all one’s troubles melt away. Granted, this sensation bears some resemblance to the temporary optimism afforded by drugs, and it can be addictive and destructive and all that. But it can also be a nice little tingle in one’s daily life, like a glass of wine with dinner.

So yes, if “I don’t get it” is your only rationale for resisting, I think you should go buy him a ticket.

6

I’m with you on principle. If your dad finds burning money entertaining, would you be expected to burn some money for him? Of course not. There’s a difference between “doing a favor” and “enabling”. And you’re right about all the downside of lotteries.

That said, if the amount really is very minor, you expect it will stay that way, and it’s only a minor inconvenience to you, help the guy out. We all have to exercise a little irrationality now and then. If his method is truly harmless, let him have it.

7

Count me in as one of those who think you’re being just a wee bit silly. He’s your dad. Can you compromise? Not every week, or something?

8

I have a similar problem with my mother. She mails me tickets from her state, which allows gambling, and expects me to think of them as presents. So I’ll get a strip of tickets on a birthday or something. I always send them back and tell her “Boy, they really saw you coming!” etc., to show how little I think of the things, but they keep coming. And she keeps being dumbfounded that I don’t scratch them off or go to the web and look up if I’ve won. I just tell her to keep them and if she strikes it big not tell me. Then she has the gall to say “I just might be tempted to do that if you can’t even be bothered to scratch them!” And then sends more.

Any ideas how to get through to her?

9

Lamar Mundane, I’m having trouble relating gambling for someone else with taping glurge for the blind. While literature like People might be jejune to many, somehow, I don’t see much altruism in gambling.

And I don’t really think legality has anything to do with it. My principles and values are not solely determined by legality. So, what if gambling is legal? That doesn’t mean I have to think it’s okay. Slavery used to be legal, too. As far as harmless goes, sending someone who’s got a poor track record with finances out to gamble is not a great idea in my book.

Giraffe, I do find the errand distressing, much like asking a vegetarian to go buy raw meat. For whatever reason, I have an aversion to gambling. I try not to judge people who do so with derision, because it’s not my place to determine what others should or shouldn’t do. But if I don’t like doing what they’re doing, I certainly don’t want to be a part of them doing it. I don’t like the lottery. I don’t like gambling. I don’t want to be any part of it. It’s one of only a few values I’ve had that I can say I’ve been 100% true to in my life.

While I want my dad to be happy and do what makes him happy, I think we’ve found a decent compromise. My husband is willing to buy him his lottery tickets. Seriously, when it gets to be an inconvenience, he tells him he’s sorry but he can’t make it out to get the tickets. We’ll try the next drawing. He doesn’t seem to mind doing it. I’m fine with that until the lottery takes precedence over other needs or plans. It’s a favor. Favors should not be expected. All I would hope is that my dad would accept this compromise and respect my discomfort actually purchasing the tickets. I’ve gone so far as to take pictures of the tickets and upload the pics online so he can see them.

Actually, what is now causing distress is this argument over why I won’t do it. He doesn’t want to hear my dad and I argue about it. My dad’s asked me to do something I feel very uncomfortable doing. My husband is willing to do it. But Dad can’t understand my qualms. And I can’t understand why asking someone who doesn’t gamble to gamble for you is no big deal. I have boundaries.

even sven, I hear you. I’m feeling guilty that I can’t do this for him. I love my dad dearly. As much as I want to contribute to his happiness, this whole situation makes me ill. I’m becoming racked with guilt, and yet the prospect of gambling every week or so for who knows how long is just depressing the hell out of me. I can see it becoming an albatross around my neck.

I tried once. I went to the quickie mart to buy a quick pick and I couldn’t do it. I stood there for I don’t know how long. I contemplated. I knew it was simple. Four little words: “Five quick picks, please,” and slap the fiver down on the counter. I saw a woman come in and stand in front of the scratch offs racking her brain trying to figure out which of the 30 or so different games to spend her money on. She finally decided and scratched them off right at the counter. She won $2 on one and bought two more tickets. She scratched them off, won nothing, cursed and left. She didn’t look happy. She drove off in her beater car and I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. I left with no lottery ticket. And I was depressed. Torn. Disgusted with myself and whole lottery concept. I hate the fucking lottery.

If that’s entertainment, jackelope, I sure didn’t recognize it. If I’m being irrational, well perhaps I need to lighten up. But as even sven said, gambling is a vice. Is there something wrong with me because I don’t want to participate in that particular vice? I hope I’ve explained that “I don’t get it,” is not my only rationale for resisting. Does “I’m offended by it” count for anything?

When is it not okay to ask somebody to do something that they are not inclined to do? There must be a line. Is it different for everyone? Is it unreasonable to ask that your boundaries be respected? Even if the other doesn’t have those particular boundaries?

10

If my dad were sending me lottery tickets I’d probably just give them away to a friend who does play saying they were a gift, but I don’t play. Or give them to my husband. He plays. I don’t care as long as he’s not spending our money on them, unless he decides he doesn’t want more beer or electronic gadgets. Any winnings he can keep and its his sole decision whether or not to include me in his windfall.

The only alternative I can think of is not completely honest, but may be effective. Donate some money to some organization that you know your mom doesn’t care for (such as a political party she doesn’t support if she’s highly partisan). When you get the letter from your chosen organization thanking you for your donation, write a little note at the bottom saying, “Thanks for the lottery tickets!” and send it to your mom. Though, it’s kind of mean, if she thinks her “her” money is going someplace offensive to her, she’ll probably stop buying you tickets.

11

You find it distastful and would rather not be involved.

Your husband does not find it so and is happy to oblige.

Your father gets his lottery ticket every week through your husband.
I *do not * see why everyone isn’t happy with this arrangement.

IMO, if you feel, for any reason, that it is …shall we say ‘skeevy’…that I feel you should not participate and others should respect that decision.

12

I will try to be nice, but my first thought was to pull that stick out of your behind.

Give me a break…let the man have his dream. There is the old redneck joke, “Some people have IRA’s, and we have a lottery ticket.”

I actually know a guy who WON the lottery. So, despite the odds, the fact that I personally know that guy lets me think someone has to win, eventually.

And if dad likes to close his eyes when he goes to bed and think, “if I win, I can buy a boat, travel to the Bahamas for a vacation and BUY MY DAUGHTER A NEW HOUSE…” well, is that a bad thing?

Geez, it is not like he is an alcoholic who spends every dime on booze, or a druggie, or going out to get hookers. He is playing out his fantasy and and hoping to win some money.

How would you feel if he wanted to invest in some stupid company like Microsoft 20 years ago? How would you feel if he bought some useless property in Malibu 40 years ago.

Cut the guy some slack…buy the damned tickets and, should the great og deam it time, maybe he will actually win something…and just in case you don’t know, you don’t have to get all the numbers to win money back.