Please explain the Terminator movies to me

I’ve seen them. My dad loves them. I’m confused. So please, make me understand.

Thank You.

Wow, that’s perhaps the least helpful OP I’ve seen in a while…

Can you be more specific as to what you want explained? Plot? Motivation of the characters? Why they made the third one?

First movie:

Some time in the 80’s, in the era of big hair and horrible make-up, Arnold Schwarzenegger travels back from the future to kill Sarah Conner. She will be the mother of John Connor, who will lead the humans in their valient struggle against the evil machine aggressors. The humans send back a soldier, whose name I forget, to protect Sarah from the terminator. He ends up knocking up Sarah, so it turns out he’s John’s father. The terminator is defeated and what’s-his-face dies.

Second movie:
John is now an obnoxious teenager and Sarah is in the looney bin for ranting about the big evil war in the future. The machines again send back a new, fancier terminator made of liquid metal to kill John. Meanwhile, the humans have captured Arnold, reprogrammed him, and sent him back in time to protect John. They go and bust Sarah out of the looney bin, and blow up the secretive research facility where technology developed by reverse-engineering a left-over piece from the terminator in the first movie would have lead to Judgment Day, when the smart machines launch all the nuclear weapons against mankind. Also they defeat the bad terminator.

(Notice that both movies thus far rely on obnoxios time travel paradoxes.)

Third movie:
Judgment Day thus averted, John Connor grows into an obnoxious young motorcycle riding man. A third, even fancier terminator, played by some hot babe, is sent back to try and kill him again. Arnold, playing a second instance of the same model of terminator as last time (who, it turns out, killed John Connor in the future before being captured, reset and sent back), comes back again to protect John from the evil terminator. They blow some stuff up, somehow know how to turn on a particle accelerator, and inadvertently start Judgment Day, which it turns out was delayed but inevitable.

Clear as mud.

The best bit of the third fillum, which was otherwise relatively disappointing eye-candy, was that the idea of averting Judgement Day had only ever been in the minds of the humans in the present day sections of the movies. We’d kind of had that implication hanging in the back of our heads all along, but it had always seemed that the movies thought the war could be stopped. By T3 however it’s established that all the time-travelling had been specifically to get John Connor safely through Judgement Day. Hence the bit at the end of T3 where

Juliet’s dad sends them off to hide in the nuclear bunker, even though they think they’re going somewhere to stop the war, but they’re not, they’re going to hide in a nuclear bunker.

(I know she’s not actually called Juliet, I just can’t remember her name. You know who I mean, the lady from “My So-Called Life”).

They could save the franchise if they’d find a really good director and producer, and make a movie about the winning of the war against the machines. The future looks pretty cool.

I didn’t hate the third movie. My wife did. I thought some of the comedy self-referential stuff was quite funny, and I figured since they’d spent all that money I might as well enjoy it. However I was very glad the ending did give us something to actually think about, rather than ending with A and B kissing over the bodies of X, Y and Z, and vowing to have lots of babies now that the war had definitely been averted, Freddie was definitely dead, Jason really wasn’t coming back, and Ripley had finally been sliced into tiny little pieces and fed into a vacuum-powered atom smasher, so it MUST be over.

ps: I timed how long it took Ms My-So-Called-Life to get over the tragic and entirely predictable death of her fiancee, and start digging John. I think it was about nine minutes.

In the first, *Kyle Reese is the hero who fathers John Connor, played by Michael Biehn.

In the third, *Kate Brewster is John’s future wife, played by Claire Danes.

D’oh!

It would be funny if John and Kate’s son ends up being Kyle Reese. Then John would be his own grampa. Which would explain why he’s so obnoxious.

Damnit… Now you’ve done it.

Sings

I’m my own grandpa…
I’m my own grandpa…
It sounds funny I know, but it really is so
I’m my own grandpa

That would be funny. The fourth movie should start convincingly but slowly descend into self-referential comedy, so that everyone thinks that’s what the movie is about, but then go further and eventually become a biting satire on the fx-over-content garbage that is modern Hollywood. Halfway through the third seemingly interminable, physically impossible and entirely pointless car chase, while the three evil children terminators are all fighting the good guys on the roofs of the truck and helicopter, John should discover that he is in fact his own granddad. At which he pulls the truck calmly over to the side of the road, gets out and walks off.

Claire Whatsherface: John!

John (walking away) I’m not doing this any more, it’s shit.

evil terminator: This is just because I was winning! You can’t just go off like that!

John (further away) Fuck off.

Claire: (still being strangled) John! You have to help us!

John: (distant but very loud) NO!

evil terminator #1(sotto voce, to claire): Where’s he going?

Claire: (sotto voce) I don’t know.

(third evil terminator from the past suddenly arrives astride a harley, in full-on kick-ass mode. The others calm him down a bit)

evil terminator #2: (unexpectedly camp out of character) No, no, he’s gone off in a huff.

evi terminator #3: eh?

evil terminator #1: (laying down heavy gun and stretching fingers) I don’t know, he’s just gone over there.

evil terminator #3: Aw.

(John is sitting down at a bus stop and checking the schedule. #3 runs up to John and shoots about ten grand’s worth of special effects at him. John ignores him)

John: I’m not doing it any more, it’s stupid.

#3: (out of character) But we’ve spent $20 million.

John: Don’t care.

#3: (back in character) You’ll never be born.

John: Good.

#3: (out of character) I’ve just bought a house.

John: Tough.

etc

This isn’t going anywhere good. Kind of like the trilogy. I recommend finding a copy of the script for Terminator online, it’s pretty sweet. Cameron’s scripts are awesome.

It’s the classic love story:

Boy meets girl. Boy protects girl from evil robot from the future. Boy fathers child of girl. Evil robot kills boy. Girl kills evil robot. Child becomes future leader of resistance against army of evil robots and sends his father back in time to meet his mother. Repeat.

one day in school a priest came in and lectured us on how Terminator 2 was actually a modern retelling of the whore of babylon section of Revelations.

Not forgetting of course that in the first Terminator movie (I think!), Arnie is defeated and destroyed except for his hand which remains. It’s from this robotic hand that man gains the technology to build the robots which will eventually take over the world :slight_smile:

The arm remains, as does a partially-destroyed processor/chip/thing.

Here is my stunningly astute analysis of the Terminator series, proving conclusively that it is entirely logical and ruminating on the implications.

YMMV.