[QUOTE=AskNott]
If an infant is allowed to sleep in the breeze of an electric fan, it can be very bad. Specifically, it will be bad for the rest of the people in the house or apartment.
[/QUOTE]
IIRC, TokyoPlayer’s wife already believes this (“Fan Death” is a popular myth in Korea and Japan.) Which is why I would suggest to her that Western culture dictates that a pregnant woman should ALWAYS fall asleep with a fan blowing on her, so that the oxygen is “blown into” the fetus and it becomes very strong.
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad]
“Eating chocolate during pregnancy will stunt the child’s development.”
I’d only use that one if you really want to get evil.
[/QUOTE]
Sounds more like “if you want to get killed.”
The following gem was recently on TV and involved several high-ranking Spanish government officers. Rephrased: “it has not been proven that working with a computer or a photocopier is safe for a pregnant woman, therefore women should refrain from any activity involving such.” I suggest not telling this to a pregnant gamer unless you feel like finding out what a controllerfull of teeth tastes like.
[QUOTE=Pullet]
Going to a sporting event that requires paying at least $50 for tickets every month during the pregnancy will keep the kid from becoming autistic.
[/QUOTE]
This is good. I’ll make her sit through a K1 fight.
[QUOTE=Zebra]
A pregnant wouman should perform oral sex on her husband every day or the baby will be stupid and ugly.
[/QUOTE]
Good, good, good. Keep them cumming.
Developing babies can sense negativity, so an expectant mother should refrain from disagreement about anything, as that would cause stress to the unborn child.
Expectant fathers should drink several beers every night to build up their biceps for lifting the child, this relieving the mother of having to carry the baby.
Also, men should never handle dirty diapers because too much exposure to urine and fecal matter causes low sperm count. It’s a closely guarded secret that municipal sewer workers have some of the lowerst sperm counts in America.
Flirting with pretty women during his wife’s pregnancy helps the expectant father bond with the baby after birth; the more flirting, the better the bonding.
Finally, long hours spent playing video and computer games helps fathers-to-be gain the dexterity they need to keep up with the little tyke when he/she becomes mobile
Expectant mothers should not read; it will cause the baby to need glasses from eye strain.
Car rides are very traumatic for unborn children. If the distance is less than 4 blocks, the mother should walk. If she must ride, her hands should be by her sides at all times, she should be as quiet as possible (so as not to traumatize the child further) and under no circumstances should she ever touch the radio, lest the sound waves affect the baby.
Madge the Beautician was right all along; womens (and baby’s ) hands get softer if they soak in dishwashing liquid. Say for about 20 minutes every night between 6 and 7 pm.
The most perfectly balanced meal for the mother of an unborn child is either garlic-and-onion spiced Haggis or fresh liver. Both should always be garnished with lime jello, which might help fight calcium deficiency in later years…
According to my wife, she can’t go to her friend’s wedding, because being in a “congratulatory” time will interfere with the “congratulatoryness” of the bride, but because the bride’s congratulatoryness of the bride is stronger, the baby will suffer.
